Ep. 66 | You Don’t Need More Coping Mechanisms, You Need More Capacity
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Ep. 66 | You Don’t Need More Coping Mechanisms, You Need More Capacity
[00:00:00] Welcome back, you bloody legends. Welcome to another episode. I have just done two weeks of talking about the extremes that I saw in the coaching industry that I continue to see in the coaching industry. One episode was specifically for men, one was for women. And when I say extremes, I mean the two different sides, the like big pendulum swing of people either tend to coach one way or the other.
Whereas I was saying that from the middle ground seems to be the healthiest. just best place to quote from. So today I want to talk about a similar concept, but in regards to the mental health trauma space, I don't like to overuse the word trauma. You will probably understand why as we get into this episode.
But this episode is titled You Don't Need More Coping Mechanisms. You Need More Capacity. And I'm going to dive into How everyone used to view mental health and then obviously the pendulum swing, like with all things, things were overcorrected to the point that now we have another debacle. Here's the thing though, mental [00:01:00] health is there to actually strengthen us.
Think of it, mental health, it's health for our mental capacity, for our emotional, our emotional capacity, for our health as a human being. It's there to strengthen us, it's not actually there to weaken us. And what I'm beginning to see is that it's falling more into the category of weakening us as human beings, because the industry has two extremes.
I see extremes a lot, but both are actually failing us. On one side we've got the, and I'm going to sound very Aussie right now, I am Australian, but we've got the she'll be right mate. Mindset. That is a common term you hear here in Australia. So if you're not from Australia, but you've traveled to Australia, you likely will hear, especially men say, Oh, she'll be right.
She'll be right. Us Aussies, us Aussies, us women say it as well, but it is predominantly men, Australian males that say it. And what we mean by that is it'll be okay. It'll be okay. It's like a blanket term for if someone's upset about something, we just say, Oh, she'll be right. She'll be right. It'll be okay.
It's all gonna work out [00:02:00] and sure it sounds encouraging it's a funny thing that we say but it is that old school, the no feelings Just grit your teeth and get on with it kind of approach that we have by the way as I go through both Sides of this there are pros and cons to both sides So I'm not dissing both sides at all with this though with this she'll be right just get on with it.
Just grit your teeth toughen up No feelings don't feel anything There's no space at all to process, there's no acknowledgement of past wounds of, you know, past things, things from your childhood, things from your teenage years, things from your past that may still be affecting you today. There's no tolerance whatsoever for any level of emotional intelligence.
so if you were struggling at all, you just basically had to bury it and move on with your day. And again, there's pros to that. I'm going to get into it on the other side, though, as I said, there was a big pendulum swing, just like there was a pendulum swing with like, for instance, we had the feminist movement.
And then that, in my opinion, went way too far and is now, [00:03:00] encouraging women to try to outcompete men and to outperform men. And we've got to masculinize ourselves and toughen up and harden ourselves and, Basically strip ourselves of a lot of our femininity. It went from, oh, it's the feminist movement is there to just provide choice for women.
So you have a choice if you want to be a stay at home mother, or if you want to have a corporate career, you get that choice, right? That's what was preached, but now it's swung way too far into, now you've got to outperform men. You basically got to be a man and we hate on men and all of that, which I want nothing to do with.
There was a pendulum swing, right? everything always comes back to her. Uh, course correct. And that's what's happened here. Now, we've swung that far, in my opinion, in the opposite direction, that now everything is trauma. Every single discomfort in life now seems to be getting a diagnosis. Every hard day is some form of a disorder.
Every slightly challenging situation is just unsafe. Somehow mental health has honestly turned into this lifetime membership [00:04:00] of fragility. Everybody just seems very Soft, not in a healthy way, soft in a very weak way. We're all just fragile little birds who can't handle anything because we're just traumatized and broken and everything hurts and everything emotionally hurts and we're fragile.
We went from completely ignoring any level of emotional health to now branding ourselves with mental health conditions. It's like our mental health conditions and all these labels have become our entire identity. So we went from Just suck it up. Just get on with your day. Suck it up. Don't feel it, too. I can't function because my great great grandmother's trauma from many moons ago is now affecting me today.
So honestly, I think neither side fully works. Again, there's pros from both sides, which I'll get into, but neither side is fully working. One side just completely suppresses any form of emotion. Like just suppress it. Don't feel it. Get on with your day. Don't feel it. Whereas the other side, they don't suppress, they [00:05:00] spiral.
So you've got suppression and you've got spiralling. Both are failing to actually build true strength. If I had to pick a side that was building possibly more strength than the other, obviously I'm going to say the one that suppresses to a degree. And no, I am not condoning suppressing, but hear me out.
That is the side that does just get moving and does just continue to take action and they're forward moving in life. They're not just sitting still in their trauma and in their shit and in their pain, like I do see a lot of this, of the spiraling side do, but it's still not healthy because in that side, there comes a point where you are a pressure cooker and that pressure cooker lid is going to explode at some point because everything you suppress down doesn't go anywhere.
It stays inside us. What's happened though, as a result of both of these sides, we have a generation that's either completely emotionally disconnected or emotionally overwhelmed. That is the two [00:06:00] sides. Both are struggling to handle life in a way that actually builds any form of resilience, truly, in the extremes of both sides.
Obviously, just hear me out for a second, just picture this big long line, and at the polar opposite sides are those two extremes. Obviously there's people that are along that entire line. So I'm not saying that you are in one camp or the other. You can be a mix of both. I would say I have a mix of both within me.
This episode though is going to call it out because mental health should be about capacity. About making you stronger, sharper, more powerful. Capacity is a word that I love and that I'm using a lot more in My podcast in the services that I put out in the words that I write on social media accounts and all of that.
And the reason is you see a lot of modalities or a lot of coaches out there who are trying to encourage people to be able to cope more with life and to be able to release things. There's a lot about [00:07:00] healing, just heal, just release. And I don't want to be known as the release girl in the work that I do.
I don't. Like there is, yes, release, having a release is incredible. Again, if you feel like you're a pressure cooker that's about to explode, at some point you need a release. That release can be doing a workout, that can be going for a swim in the ocean, that could be having sex, that could be having a good cry session, right?
Having a release feels amazing and we do need that at times. Otherwise, again, we just feel like we're going to explode. We need an outlet for that. But I'm not just the release girl. I'm here to actually help people to build capacity, capacity to hold more without feeling like your nervous system is fried.
Capacity to hold more wealth. So for instance, because it all comes back to our nervous system, you may attract everything that you've asked for in life, but can you hold it? Or does your nervous system feel that fried and does it feel that unsafe and that unnerving that when everything you've asked for in life actually meets you?
Do you then have to push it all the way and sabotage it because you don't have [00:08:00] the capacity to actually hold it because your nervous system is cooked, is fried. This is very common. I'm not here to just give you a release, okay? And I'll get into that more in the end.
so as I said, mental health. Like true mental health is about building that capacity. It's about making you stronger, sharper, about making you more powerful.It's not just about keeping you stuck in these constant emotional purges, these constant releases that you need. Or about constantly managing symptoms that you're feeling instead of actually expanding beyond them. Because that's what capacity is about. Instead of just constantly managing the symptoms that you feel by different modalities, or different supplements that you take, or whatever it might be.
Constantly just managing. It's about expanding beyond that and building that capacity to hold more in life. And again, that could be more wealth. It could be more pressure. Right, could be more pressure in your career, in your job, it could be holding more capacity within your relationship to be able to hold more emotions when you're having [00:09:00] conversations with the ones that you love.
It could be about holding more emotional maturity. Whatever it is, right, it's about building that capacity. So I want to talk about the two extremes that I see in the mental health. I alluded to them before. We're going to go into the first one. This is the she'll be right mate, going back to that Australian term that we use.
This is the boomer mindset, the old school toughness, but gone wrong. I do love this side to a degree. I think that again, if I was to fall into either camp, it would be this side, but not to the extreme that I'm about to get into because this is where that old school toughness, which is awesome, right, that boomer mindset, awesome.
It really gets people far in life, but It goes wrong when it's to the extreme and I'm talking about the extreme of this. So if you're a boomer or if you're an individual who has that real like just old school toughness about you, I'm not putting you down. I think you have a real strength. But what can happen, and this is shadow work, we can have strengths that then can actually become our biggest weakness, [00:10:00] that can become our Achilles heel.
And I see this with that boomer mindset, that old school toughness gone wrong. What was a strength then became a weakness for a lot of these individuals. This is where they would see emotions as a weakness. Any emotion is weak. That's, that is what is commonly seen in this kind of mentality. Mental health?
Never heard of it. Who gives a shit about mental health? Just get on and get the job done. Trauma? Yeah. Okay. We've all had rough childhoods. Just get over it, mate. It was just this get over it mentality, which sounds great. Okay. Sounds great, but actually isn't helpful in the long run because just saying get over it doesn't actually help the individual to get over it.
And of course, there's a time and a place for this. I think that again, as I get into where the pendulum swung too far to course correct and to overcorrect, we're now it's like if a kid comes second in a running race and he throws the biggest tantrum, we've all just got to coddle him.
And we got to the point where everybody now gets a medal in a running race. There's no actual winners [00:11:00] because God forbid your child doesn't come first. They're going to be traumatized for life, like things got overcorrected. So again, there is a time and a place for this tough it out crowd.
Okay. There is a time and a place. Again, I'm talking about the extreme. So the tough it out crowd believes that if you just keep pushing, just keep ignoring, just keep grinding through, you will be fine. There's no acknowledgement whatsoever for any past pain. It's just compartmentalize it and move on. The problem with that is, Yes, you'll be fine in the moment, but at some point it does catch up and that's what we're seeing a lot from this boomer generation and now facing chronic pain, chronic, chronic pain where their bodies are breaking down in parts because the things that were pushed in the things that you just had to get over the things that you just didn't have time to face because life just kept moving now is coming to the surface because Mentally, you might be like, I moved on from it all, but your body didn't get the chance to actually move on from it and it's stored in the body.
It's stored in the soma. [00:12:00] So, the problem, avoidance isn't actually strength. It's, there's actually a disconnection to it. You become disconnected from your body. You become disconnected from your intuition, from what your gut is telling you. And again, there's a time and a place. If there's guys in war, right?
Yeah, they've got to suppress. They have to have the tough it up mentality. So everything with context. Yes, if you're leading a meeting as let's say a CEO of a corporate business or whatever, and you've had a rough morning with family, or you've just gotten some bad news, but you have to go and lead that meeting.
Yeah, you have to suppress. You have to avoid. For a period of time. So again, context with everything. But I'm talking about when it's a constant thing in your life. When someone is constantly suppressing, constantly being like, she'll be right, constantly pushing it down. There's actually a massive disconnection.
Unprocessed trauma, and I don't like to use that word too much because the trauma label gets overused. But for [00:13:00] context of this episode, I will use it. Just think of trauma as You know things from your past that never came to a full cycle of completion So just like where a gazelle gets chased by a lion out in a safari and let's say that the lion doesn't get it and Then the gazelle gets to safety and it's it starts shaking It actually shakes it off that trauma loop comes to a full completion If when you were younger you face something that was too fast too soon Right.
So, you know, you were confronted with something, maybe it could have been some form of abuse or, you know, severe embarrassment or shame or whatever. I don't want to go deep into it, but whatever you faced, it was too much too soon. So your body went into protective mode. That trauma loop, though, may not have come to a full completion if you didn't have someone safe with you to guide you through that.
And, you know, you often get examples of. This may seem really simple, but a kid raising their hand in a classroom and the whole class mocks them for asking such a stupid question and so they feel shame. If [00:14:00] that teacher doesn't then say, Hey, there's no dumb questions in here. That was a brilliant question.
If they don't do that, then yeah, that is, that is seen as a trauma loop. And if that trauma loop doesn't come to a full completion, then that person then in their thirties, forties, fifties may have a real issue when it comes to shame because they've suppressed it. Right. Yeah. And that's on a small scale. So our bodies can still be carrying things from our past that we aren't even mentally aware of, right? So with this Boomer generation, there's a lot of unprocessed trauma that didn't just disappear.It just got suppressed, right? And then it gets passed down through generations. It gets repackaged, but in different dysfunctions. And this is actually how patterns repeat in families and, you know, through children. Parents who never healed their wounds raise kids who have to break those cycles. And if those kids don't break those cycles, guess what?
It gets passed on to their kids. This is where you see a lot now about people really being conscious about being cycle breakers. [00:15:00] Whatever their parents didn't deal with, whatever they suppressed, whatever was passed on to them, they want to be the ones to break that cycle so they don't pass it on to their children.
The result of this suppression boomer generation though was, it's a massive generation of men and women who don't actually know how to process emotions properly. They also don't know how to have deep conversations. Again, it's not everybody in the boomer generation. I'm not being anti boomer. I love the boomer generation.
They are tough. They are tough individuals. Really, really tough. But a lot don't know how to have deep conversations. They get very uncomfortable because it was not something that they did. It wasn't. safe, for lack of a better word, to be able to process their emotions when they were younger and when they were young adults.
So now it's, you know, they're older, they're in later years in life, for instance, but they still don't know how to have deep conversations. There was a lot of dads who never said, and mums, but especially dads, who never said, I love you, because their dads never did. They never heard their dad say, I love you.
So [00:16:00] it's unnerving for them to now think that they're going to say it to their kids. There's a lot of mums who never admitted that they were actually struggling. So you grew up thinking suffering in silence was just normal. We saw so many women, and men of course, it's both, but common with men was not saying I love you, common with women was not admitting when they were really struggling and when they were on the verge of a breakdown.
It's just silent. So we were taught from this generation that suffering in silence is just normal. You just don't talk about it. Don't have those deep conversations. We also have a whole generation of people who cannot express vulnerability without cracking a joke. Pay attention to this. You'll notice that, you know, actual emotions are very foreign for a lot of people in this she'll be right, toughen up, boomer kind of mentality.
Talking about deep things is very foreign and they get very uncomfortable as soon as things get vulnerable and they have to crack a joke. It's, it's not a malicious thing. It's, it's a coping mechanism.It's an [00:17:00] unconscious coping mechanism. Here's the thing though.
Strength isn't about ignoring emotions. Of course, there's a time and a place, as I said, there's always context. Sometimes yes, you do have to be stoic. Absolutely.Like think of a soldier at war, right? They've got ammunition heading their way. They've got bullets ricocheting around them. Do you think that's the time and place to start to talk about their emotions? No, they've got to be stoic. But yes, strength isn't in, in ignoring emotions, but it's actually knowing how to work through them, but without drowning in them.
Drowning in them is the key point because we overcorrected and now we're drowning in bloody emotions. So let's get into the overcorrection side. This is the age of labels. This is the age of trauma identities. This is the age of emotional fragility.
This is where I believe mental health has now gone too far. So what we see now is a lot of people that say, I am my trauma. My diagnosis is my identity. I need a safe space to exist. It makes me want to vomit. It really does. [00:18:00] It's like every single struggle in life is now a disorder. It's like every single tough conversation that you have to have is an attack.
I'm just being attacked. If someone, you know, critiques something or raises a question, or has a different point of view, Oh, I feel attacked. This is too much for me. I need a safe space. Every single inconvenience these days is seen as toxic. And I'm going to get into that in a second because it does my head in.
The problem with this is normal life challenges have now been pathologized. Everything is pathologized. Struggle is avoided. So instead on the boomer generation, where everything was about just struggling, suppress, suppress, don't talk about it, just move on. Now, struggle is completely avoided. It's not worked through at all.
You just sit in it. Personal growth has now actually been replaced by external validation. See a lot of this. The goal is not to grow as a human, the goal is to be validated by everybody around us. [00:19:00] You see this online a lot. The problem with this site is people are clinging to diagnosis like they're personality traits.
They cling to them instead of using them as tools for healing. Yes, sometimes there is a time and a place to get a label for something, because once you actually are told what the issue is, then you know how you can work through it. So for instance, someone that I know really, really well is going through a lot of blood tests at the moment to try to get answers on things that they're feeling in their body that just don't make sense.
They're like, I have a million and one symptoms, this is not making sense, I'm not getting answers. They're finally getting a whole series of blood tests, and it looks like they're actually about to get a diagnosis. They're actually about to get a label, but this is helpful, because now they know what they're working towards and how they can work at healing it.
Right. How they can work at resolving whatever these issues are from a physical, but also from an emotional layer. So yes, we do sometimes need labels. We do [00:20:00] sometimes need diagnosis. But the problem with this is, in this generation, this pendulum swing that's gone too far, is now the labels and the diagnosis are mostly seen as a personality trait.
They're no longer tools just for healing. You'll also see with this generation is emotional resilience is actually declining because comfort has now become the goal. So instead of capacity building, like what I mentioned before about building the capacity, building that resilience to be able to be like, yeah, you know what, I've got some shit I've got to work through and I'm going to face it, but I'm not going to wallow in it.
I'm actually going to face it. to build that capacity to hold more in life, to build that capacity to be able to move through more in life. Instead, everyone's emotional intelligence seems to be massively declining because we're all just focused on comfort. It's all just about quick get a release, manage our symptoms, and let's be comfortable again.
That's not helpful. Also, and I've done a whole episode on safe spaces [00:21:00] and my views on them, which are probably different to most people's, but safe spaces are just turning into these fragile emotional bubbles. They actually prevent people from ever getting stronger. Truly, it's just a one big giant echo chamber of quickly, just.
I want to be a nice little toasty marshmallow in my comfort zone and everyone out in the big wild world is just attacking me. I don't feel safe. I just need to be with people who only think the same as me and who are only going to validate everything that I feel. You're not going to grow in that.
You're actually preventing yourself from getting stronger. Here's the thing with this side. Mental health should actually help you handle life in a better way, not actually make you more fragile. Think about ourselves. Are we becoming more fragile as we go into the healing space or as we go into all these different modalities out there?
Are we actually getting stronger? Are we actually able to handle life better or are we just more fragile? It's a really important question to ask ourselves. So I want to talk about the problem with the current [00:22:00] mental health narrative. Let's go deep into this for a second. As I've said before, labels, there is a time and a place for labels, but labels are meant for understanding.
They're not there to actually be an identity. They're not meant to be plastered all over our social media bios as like a badge of like, Oh my God, you see, you see some bios on Instagram and it's like, they'll have black lives matter, um, free Palestine. Which I think is important to free Palestine. Yes, black lives matter, so do white lives.
But like, just stick with me. They'll have the rainbow flag. They'll have, um, Like, I am dyslexic. I have ADHD. I am autistic. I have this disorder, I have that disorder, and they literally just plaster them all in their bio of like how much attention can I get from the world? How much virtue signaling can I possibly do here to get more attention?
It's an utter freaking joke. So as I said, they're not meant to be your personality. They're [00:23:00] actually meant as a tool for insight and for healing. I've had a friend, a different friend than the one I was talking about before, who recently got a diagnosis, but it's actually been helpful. It's been so helpful.
She's like, oh my gosh, this all makes sense. This all makes sense. And now she has insight into herself for healing, to be able to improve her quality of life. It's not her new identity. She hasn't gone and slapped it in her bio. What's actually happening is people are wearing their disorders now like badges of honour. Absolute badges of honour. Struggles have become lifelong crutches instead of things to actually overcome. It's just a crutch. It's an excuse.I've actually given an example in an episode before where I saw a very short part of a clip of some chick in America who was driving on the wrong side of the road on a freeway or something like that and she was pulled over by police of like, what the crap are you doing?
Like you're endangering so many lives. And her excuse was something along the lines of, I have generational trauma. So like it was an excuse because of my generational trauma that's been passed down to [00:24:00] me from my, I don't know, great grandmother or whatever it was. I now get the right to drive like an absolute.
See you next Tuesday. See you in the Northern Territory. See you NT. I get to be that because of. The trauma that's been passed down through the generations, I get to now just drive erratically. Imagine if we all did that. It's now just a crutch. I get to get attention from my label, from my diagnosis, from my trauma badge.
It's nothing to overcome. It's a, it's a badge of honor. You hear people instead of saying, oh, I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling a bit anxious about this, which is a normal human thing to feel. Instead it's, I am anxious. I have anxiety. Suddenly there is absolutely no path to anything different because it is your badge.
It is your badge of honor. It is your identity. It's like you put on your superhuman cape and your superhuman costume, or superman costume, [00:25:00] and that's your entire identity. There's, there's no other option now. You are that thing. Mental health is actually meant to be a bridge. It's not meant to be a prison.
And what's happening is any form of struggle in life is now called trauma. It's actually just life. Like, yes, I'm not negating actual trauma. There is atrocities that happen in life. There are things that we face in life that are very painful, that can be quite dark for some people. There's all different extremes of trauma.
Every single human being on the planet. Has some form of trauma stored in their body. Every single human being on the planet and It's just in different extremes, right? So I'm not saying there's no trauma. I'm not being a boomer here guys It's like suppress suppress. Everything's okay. You went through nothing.
No But not everything is a trauma. Some is just life and hear me out on this These days every single person that you find difficult is now called a narcissist. Have you noticed that? [00:26:00] Everyone's ex boyfriends and ex girlfriends are apparently narcissists. And I do want to speak to that because there are actual people in this world who are actual narcissists.
But because everybody is throwing this term out now, just like the term anti Semite gets thrown out on everyone now and it's completely diluted, watered it down to have no meaning now because apparently everyone is an anti Semite. Like you question anything about APAC's policies or you question anything about.
Israel's expansion plans or whatever it might be, you are now an anti Semite, apparently. It's the same thing with the narcissist term. If you've had, let's say, five ex boyfriends and apparently all five of them are narcissists, I would actually say to that individual, in my mind, that's quite strange.
That all five of them are narcissists. Could it be that actually the person speaking is the narcissist? Because seriously, how many narcissists can you possibly attract in your life? [00:27:00] Maybe you're the actual narcissist. Maybe you're the actual problem. And I'm not speaking to you directly. I'm talking about this hypothetical person in my head.
But if you notice, everybody's ex partners are all narcissists. Could it just be that they were a difficult person? Could it just be that you two clashed, that your values clashed, that your moral compass clashed? Could it be that they were just a lesson in life, that they're not actually a narcissist?
There are narcissists out there, but not every single ex partner has to be a narcissist just for you as an individual to be able to reconcile the fact that that relationship didn't work. Like let's be honest, not every bad boss is a toxic boss. It's another thing. Oh, it's, you know, my work is a toxic workplace. Is it? Maybe.Or is it just that you don't like the atmosphere? Or is it just that it's out of alignment for you for where you want to go in life and it's time for you to move on? Of course, yes, there are some toxic work environments. Don't get me wrong. I'm not negating that. [00:28:00] But every single boss out there these days is a toxic boss.
Is it that, or is it that you just don't like being told what to do, or you just don't like being given direction? Not every hard moment in life is trauma. Some is just life. It's just the human experience. We've actually become so obsessed with labeling discomfort instead of actually building the ability, building the capacity to be able to handle it and to move through it.
If work gets hard, Oh, it's just a toxic work environment. Relationship has any conflict whatsoever. Oh, they're a narcissistic partner. Someone challenges your view. Oh, this is now an unsafe space. I'm not safe anymore. I'm not, I'm not having this conversation. I'm not safe. So get a freaking grip. When everything is trauma, nothing actually is anymore.
Think about it. When every single thing is labeled as a trauma. There pretty much is no trauma anymore because that has been watered down just like I said the term anti Semite that used to have sting [00:29:00] years ago if someone called me an anti Semite years ago I'd be like absolutely like what the crap this is the worst thing I could possibly be called these days it's like yeah whatever everyone apparently is one it waters down the potency mental health is there to actually strengthen us not to make us dependent are we actually stronger or are we just more dependent on tools Are we just more dependent on all the different modalities out there?
Are we actually building that capacity? Do we actually have the capacity to regulate our own emotions or are we only relying on the safe spaces out there to actually do it for us? Are we outsourcing our own emotional intelligence onto someone else? Therefore, we're not building any strength. We're not building any emotional intelligence.
We're not building any actual resilience. We're just fragile. And when I was talking about, I don't want to be the release girl here, here's why. The goal is not just to feel better. Some things in life don't feel good. Some things in life are utter shit. They're [00:30:00] very painful, but they're there for a reason.
They're there to help us grow. They're there to help us understand ourselves better, understand other humans better. Not everything in life is about feeling good. The goal is actually to be stronger and to be a better human long term. Not to just feel better. At some point we have to stop just seeking relief.
And stop just seeking a release. And actually start focusing on capacity building. Your ability to handle the discomfort. Your ability to handle the pressure, the stress, the uncertainty. There's so much uncertainty in life. Can you handle it? Because I would ask this question. If you are into, I would say if you listen to this podcast, you are, if you're into any form of personal development, any form of, you know, self healing and growing, if you love growing and learning, have you become stronger in the last few years since doing whatever modalities, doing whatever, you know, therapy or whatever tools you [00:31:00] use, are you actually becoming more resilient?
Are you actually becoming stronger? Because if so, awesome, you're doing things the right way. If not, are you just Are you just symptom managing? Are you just looking for another release? Are you just looking to get a new label? And a new diagnosis? Because again, mental health is there to make us stronger, not to make us more dependent. This is why the work that I'm putting out into the world, and I will talk about it It's different. This has come from years of looking at different modalities, of studying different modalities and of I would say coming within myself and seeing what is working for me, what's actually working.
I'm a very different human to who I was one year ago, two years ago, three years ago, 10 years ago, like complete different human being. And with that has been a lot of struggle, a lot of growth, a lot of facing shit. I don't have any labels and diagnosis that I like take on as soon as I realize I'm taking on a label.
I'm like, Ooh, what's underneath that? [00:32:00] What's underneath that? Where have my strengths actually become my Achilles heel? Like I look at all these things. So I use myself as my own case study and then clients and what I'm creating is very, very different. I would say it brings the best of both of those worlds together into one.
And my work is for the ones who know that there is more. I'm not here to tell you to suppress your emotions, but I'm also not going to tell you to just marinate in them forever either. This is why what I'm building is very different. I'll show you. I will help you to actually process and integrate and actually become a stronger human being.
You're already strong. You're already strong. You already have that, right?but it's about again, capacity building and becoming stronger.and when I say becoming stronger, you already are strong, right? It's not starting at zero. You're already strong. You already have strength. You already take radical responsibility. For yourself, for your health, for your mental health, for showing up as a legend of a human being in life, and to your relationships, and to your family dynamics, and whatever it might be.
We already [00:33:00] have that baseline there, but it's about building that capacity for even more. And this is why my approach actually works. It's not about symptom management. It's not about talking about the past for the next 20 years. It's about capacity building. So you don't just feel better, but you actually are better.
You actually are better. You actually are stronger. You actually are more resilient as a human being. And look, I will do an entire separate episode on what it is that I'm launching in April because I've alluded to it in a couple of episodes so far, but I haven't gone deep into it. And I know that it's a little bit confusing for some people. In fact, a legend. Oh my gosh. Who was it? A legend on YouTube. I think it was Ben.
I'm sorry if I've just gotten the wrong name, but a legend had written on one of the YouTube videos, uh, wanting clarification on what it is that I'm actually launching. So I'm going to dedicate a whole separate episode to it so that I can answer any of your questions that you've got as well.
But I do just want to say a little bit in it here. And that is, first of all, are you relying on coping tools that you thought were temporary, but they've [00:34:00] become a lot longer than originally planned? And be honest with ourselves. Are we actually building that capacity or are we in a loop of I'm just healing?
But I want to know, are you actually expanding? Are you actually handling more, holding more, and not needing that constant release all the time? And the reason why I wanted to do this episode is because, yes, mental health is very, important. This conversation really, matters. The mental health industry is actually keeping people in two extremes, either numb by just completely avoiding emotions entirely, that's that side, or over processed by just, you're just stuck in this endless loop of just fermenting in the shit and in the bullshit and in the stories.
Neither are making you stronger, honestly. This is why, again, it's the middle ground in this one. The mental health industry should be training people to have more capacity, the ability to actually handle more conflict without needing to run, the ability to hold stress without spiraling. And a big one is like coping mechanisms of, for some it's porn, for some it's, you know, drugs that could be prescription medications.
It could be [00:35:00] vaping constantly. It could be gambling or online shopping, or, you know, stuck to your phone 24 seven where you just. You've got to quickly get the, like the dopamine hit constantly from, from swiping. It could be even, actually, things like Tinder, like that for some people, different, you know, platforms, dating platforms and things where you're just constantly swiping and getting that hit, that, that buzz that you need from interacting with people, but in a way that's not necessarily healthy.
And no, I'm not putting Tinder down. I'm saying it's just an example. Are you able to hold really difficult conversations without, you know, needing the next 10 days to go and retreat from human beings because you just haven't been able to handle it? Do you have the ability to move through life without labeling every single challenge as trauma?
This is why I am launching something called Calibrated As Fuck. Calibrated as Fuck is a one on one, so it's, it's you and me baby, one on one, for men and women, and it can be for anybody around the world. So this is worldwide, [00:36:00] because it's all via Zoom. And I, as I said, I'll do an entire episode on it soon, where I'll explain exactly what it is.
But it's not therapy. It's not talk therapy. It is a combination of different modalities that I'm putting together to create the best experience so that someone is actually able to build the capacity within their nervous system. It's really deep nervous system work. On that note, I have launched this month, for the whole month of March, my Spinal Energetic Sessions are half price.
This is a launch. promotion. I will put the link in the show notes. If you're listening to this as podcast audio, I'll put the link on YouTube and yeah, take advantage of the half price promo. They are all via zoom as well. They are all virtual. I'm not currently doing in person. I will eventually, I'm going to actually set up a, like a studio for it, but for now it's all via zoom.
And yeah, this is, again, this is deep nervous system work. There'll be more. I'll link more in the show notes. But this is why I'm launching things that are a little bit different and quite unique to [00:37:00] what you see out there. Because if you cannot hold what you ask for in life, you will drop it. You will burn it.
You will sabotage it. You will throw it away like a hot potato. This can be wealth. So you might say, for instance, someone could have a business and they might say, I want to make 100, 000 a month and when that arrives, their nervous system is so fried and is feeling very unsafe that they start sabotaging.
They just blow it. They just spend it all and they see their account goes right back down. And it's like, why am I doing that? They feel like they're sabotaging. It's a nervous system thing. Your nervous system is calibrated at a certain level. It's just like with an air condition, you know, you might call it a thermostat with it.
We say air condition here, we set it to a particular level. Let's say we want it to be 23 degrees Celsius in our living room. As soon as it gets really hot outside and it starts affecting the temperature in the living room, right? It will kick on, to power up to start to cool that room back down to 23 degrees.
That is calibrating back to that level. Our nervous system does the exact same thing. We calibrate to the level that [00:38:00] our nervous system feels safe. So when we address things at a nervous system level, we are calibrating at a higher level. Because as I said, if you can't hold it, you'll drop it, you'll burn it, you'll sabotage it.
And I'm here to make sure that that never happens for you, that that stops happening for you. So if this episode has resonated with you, firstly, awesome, second, get ready, get ready for what's coming in April. I would love to work with you. As I said, men and women, it will be via zoom, it'll be three months together, one on one, uh, weekly via zoom and yeah, I'll be able to help you.
massively in your life when it comes to your nervous system, the capacity that you hold, your ability to hold things. And yeah, I'm really here for it. So let me know what you think of this episode. Which side of the camps did you tend to fall in mostly? I'd love, I'd love for you to let me know. I would say I probably tend to lean more into the boomer side, even though I'm not a boomer.
I'm in my thirties, I'm not a boomer, but I would say I probably tend to lean more into that side than [00:39:00] wallowing in everything. But yeah. If you have any questions, let me know, actually, let me know any questions you do have when it comes to calibrated as fuck that I'll be launching, cause I'll read them out and answer your questions.
And as I said, I'll dedicate a whole episode just to talking about it, about what I've launched, why, what I'm launching, why I'm launching it, the impact it's had on me, the impact it's already had on clients that I've been working with and both men and women. I've worked with men and women in the past, so yeah, I love you guys. I think that's it. Have a great week, Legends. Bye!
THE SHOW
