Ep. 65 | 🍿Comment Chaos: Masculinity, TikTok Takes, and the Internet’s Double Standards
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hey, my delicious humans, welcome back. We're going to go through the comments section. We're going to start with TikTok today. Okay. Strap yourselves in. This will be fun. So one of the Clips that went to Tik Tok was about how I don't believe masculinity is toxic. God, I've said this a million times, but this was in regards to the episode I did on the coaching extremes that I see for men and why I think the middle ground is best.
But this particular clip I titled, uh, masculinity isn't toxic. And. It was when I was responding to someone's comment about how the loudest voices aren't always the majority. So a lot of people scream about toxic masculinity, but I actually think they're the minority now, but they're just the loudest. But, we've got two comments on here that I really wanted to read.
One is by Randy. Randy said, Toxic masculinity is, in capital letters, the main reason for men's poor mental health. If you try and dodge that, then you are the problem. Thank you, Randy. I appreciate you joining the conversation. This is my response. Masculinity isn't [00:01:00] toxic. The moment it's being expressed in a toxic way, it's no longer masculinity.
That would be a lack of maturity, a lack of accountability, a lack of emotional intelligence, to name a few, but not masculinity. This is my point that I always make. By the way, he doesn't have to see the world the same way that I do. I'm not trying to convince him. I'm just giving more context because he only can see one short clip.
But I've said the root cause of the problem isn't their masculinity. It's their lack of it actually so in his mind He's saying toxic masculinity is the main reason for men's poor mental health, right? So that's what he's saying My question to that before I continue actually is so what's the excuse for women's poor mental health because women have just as much shitty Mental health as men do is that our is that now toxic femininity?
Like, most people that would say toxic masculinity is the reason why men's health is suffering. Okay, on the flip side, is the reason why so many women these days have shitty mental health, is that because [00:02:00] of their so called toxic femininity? Well, no, that's absurd. People aren't saying that, are they?
Apparently it's only men, and this is why I like my voice to be a bit louder in this space because I'm saying, hang on a second. This is a double standard. We don't say that about women. When it's women, we say, oh, it's their unhealed aspects, or, oh, it's their lack of maturity, or it's a woman's lack of emotional intelligence, or it's a woman's, you know, stuff she's not dealt with, it's her immaturity, or whatever it might be.
It's not her toxic femininity, but with men, apparently, they're all toxic. They're, all their masculinity is toxic. It's bullshit. It's a double standard, and I just don't agree with it. So, as I said, if you try to dodge that, then you are the problem. I would actually say, Randy, I would love to encourage you to maybe think of this slightly differently.
In, could it be that it's actually men's, and it's not all men, particular men that you might see as toxic masculine ones. Maybe they are just very immature. Maybe they just don't take any responsibility for themselves in life. [00:03:00] Maybe they have zero emotional intelligence, right? They're the type that just suppress, suppress, just suppress all your emotions.
Don't deal with it. And no, we don't want to wallow in our emotions, but maybe they're the type that just suppress and just move on with their day. And it's like. They lack emotional intelligence. They can't hold conversations that have any depth to it. So everyone's like, oh, he's a toxic masculine man.
It's like, no, he actually lacks masculinity. He lacks masculinity. His masculinity isn't toxic. He needs more masculinity. God, I'm getting loud. But thank you, Randy, for joining the conversation. We can see things differently. That's the beauty of life. We can all see things differently. Then we've got, by the way, there's a word that was in this clip that I struggled to pronounce.
You may have noticed it in the episode. Ad Here we go, I'm going to try and say it. Ad man tently? Adam tently. Adam, Adam. I can't bloody say it! Anyway, this person has said, what? And it's pronounced [00:04:00] Adam, slash, and, slash, L E E. They're trying to teach me how to say the word. I said, ha, ha, ha. As soon as I listened back, I cracked up laughing at how I pronounced it.
I often get words muddled up or say them completely back to front. This is true. I cannot say adamantly, adam tently. God, I'm just gonna give up. But anyway, I thought that was hilarious that out of the entire clip, all they got out of it was how I can't pronounce a particular word, but Cheers. Thank you for being here, love.
You go and get a podcast and try and get all your words right. It's hard, guys. Give me a break. Give me a break. Someone else on another one about, you know, masculinity and how I coach in the middle has said so true. Thank you, General. Her name was General. And then I've got one where I was talking about the problems with the alpha coaches that you see online that are, you know, they're all about flexing the external wealth markers, like maybe it's a Lamborghini, a watch and all that, which are awesome things.
But they, a lot of them [00:05:00] lack the real substance underneath it. And, you know, I went more into it, but someone said, all vanity. And yeah, that's what I'm referring to. Someone else has said, I am one of those. Well, welcome! You're allowed to be here. This is the thing I wanted to make clear in that episode. I am not mocking wealth.
I think wealth is important in this day and age. For different reasons than most would say. I think you need wealth to have true freedom. Because, think about this. Let's say you really didn't like the morals and the values of the country that you live in, and you're like, this country is not for me anymore.
Australia's government is effed. Australia's government is cooked. The medical system is this, the this, the this, the this. You don't like the policies, you don't like whatever. You need money to be able to uproot your family and move to a country that you see their values align with you, that you see their morals align with you.
You need money to do that. Let's say we had another example of COVID and Australia decided to be absolute nut jobs again and lock everyone in their houses and vax you [00:06:00] up to the woozer and triple glove and 10 masks on your face and all that nonsense. And you're like, you know what? We're not doing this again.
Let's get out of the country. You need money to be able to do that. You need money to have freedom to hold passports. Wealth, right? So I am not dissing you if you have a Lamborghini, a really nice watch, a beautiful mansion. I think go you, spend your money on whatever you want. I don't believe that we should just have wealth to hoard it.
I believe you circulate it, right? And it comes back to you. Enjoy the fruits of your labor. What I was talking about is when you are just all about the flashy lifestyle with zero substance within yourself. So if this person says I'm one of those, they're basically outing themselves without realizing it as someone who's just all about the flashy lifestyle but has zero substance.
I don't think they realize that's what they've just done. But anyway, that's okay. You're welcome. Welcome. Welcome one. Welcome all. Someone else has, oh, we've got some comments I need reviewing. Here we go. This will be interesting. [00:07:00] So one of the episodes that I did was where I was responding to a TikTok comment where they say that they're tired of the blanket hatred for men from social media influencers. And I said, same. It's exhausting watching influences bash masculinity and label it all as toxic, blah, blah, blah. So here's the comments that have come through on this one. Uh, someone has written masculinity and being masculine isn't toxic. It's the way the patriarchy has pigeonholed what being manly must mean. That is actually toxic. It doesn't leave any room for men to explore their authentic selves. It doesn't allow them to like feminine things like for instance, caretaking, fashion, colors, even it doesn't encourage a full range of emotions or vulnerability and who suffers literally everyone, men and women.
She has a point. I don't fully agree with everything there. Like, for instance, the patriarchy. That's not something that I go on about. Like, I actually understand a patriarchy society. I think that a patriarchy society does make sense. Okay, so I know we're going to disagree on that. That's okay. She has a point [00:08:00] on this, like, this is my interpretation.
There's different levels of masculinity, right? You can be a masculine man. And that doesn't mean that there's a stereotypical way that you dress. I think if you're a masculine man and you're in a dress, I think to me that's jarring. And I, I, I'm like, what the crap? Honestly, I don't like men wearing high heels, wearing dresses.
I don't like all that shit to me. I actually find that quite gross, but each to their own. Right. So, yeah, I do get what she's saying. You can explore your authentic self and still be masculine. I would say yeah, as long as that's not going into the realms of wearing dresses and high heels and wearing makeup.
Like, to me, I don't think that's a masculine thing. I know people will disagree with me and that's totally okay. This is my take. I'm not attracted to men that wear dresses. I'm just like, get it off. Like, I don't, I don't get it. Someone has responded to this person and said, Patriarchy F's with men too.
Intersectional feminism is a boon to all people. [00:09:00] You're welcome to comment. Thank you for being here. We see things very differently. Someone else has said, Preach. Someone has said, Where are these people? I want to tell them to F off and never come back. Um, I'm here. I said I agreed with the guy. I agree.
There's so many people. Unless he means Okay, hang on. Unless he means the people that are saying masculinity is all toxic, then yeah, I don't know which one he means. If you're talking about where are the people that are saying masculinity isn't toxic, here I am, here I am, my name's Holly, nice to meet you. That's funny. TikTok has been fun lately, I've actually been having fun on there. I do need to respond to the comments. But we're going to leave this one short, sharp and sweet. I just wanted to leave it with that one. We'll cover YouTube next week. We'll go over some of the YouTube comments. I love having fun with you guys.
Hope you're having an awesome week. It's beautiful and sunny here in Perth. I'm sitting inside in the air con. That's why I've got a jumper on. It's kind of nuts. It's actually a beautiful, warm, sunny day out there, and I'm about to go to a cafe, sit with a coffee and edit some YouTube videos and some [00:10:00] podcast episodes.
So yeah, whatever you're doing, I hope you're having a great week. Thank you for being here. Thank you for joining the conversation. If you've got any specific questions for me, whether it's on any of the topics or just anything, please message me, comment somewhere and I will respond to them in an episode for you.
But thank you for being here. Legends. You guys are awesome. Have a great week. Bye.
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