Ep. 51 | Body Positivity: Bravery or Bullshit?
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hey legends. Welcome back to another episode. I want to apologize. First of all, for last week's static sound. My laptop sounds like it's about to take off all the time. Like an airplane. It's so loud. And the microphone picked it up. So hopefully it's not in this episode as well. Cause I can hear it again.
It's so bloody annoying, but let's dive in. I want to talk about. Body positivity. It is another buzz word out there in the world. Is it bravery or is it bullshit? That is what we're going to be discussing today. And we're literally just going to dive straight into it. I'm so excited for this episode.
It's very much needed this conversation. And as always, I'm going to give. You know, different perspectives and I'm going to try and give my own lived experience with this as well, because I do have some lived experience with this topic. And why I have. Possibly a unique stance that not everybody out there has on this exact topic.
So let's dive into it. So I actually want to talk to you about why in my opinion body positivity is no longer about health. I think it potentially [00:01:00] started as a movement for the right reasons, but I think it is now turned into denial. So. Honestly, if you're already triggered by that, I'm just going to encourage you to stick with this episode, as I always say, but honestly, yes, parts of this may sting a little bit, but it could also potentially save someone's life.
Like that's how serious of an issue. This topic actually is I think it's highly important that we discuss this because it is coming down to actually saving lives or not. That's on the extreme end on it. And obviously I'm going to get into it all. But let's just talk about the body positive movement, what it was actually meant to be originally what it's become and why I believe it is now actually doing way more harm than good. And I do also just really want to make it clear that this is not about shaming people.
It's not about telling you that you need to fit into some arbitrary standard of beauty. Okay. I'm not into that at all. That's not my message. I want to make that very clear. But it is about the truth and the truth. It's actually [00:02:00] buried under, you know, popular hashtags and high-waisted bikini's, by the way, I love high-waisted stuff.
I wear high waisted shorts to the gym. All the time. So I'm not mocking high-waisted clothing. I love high-waisted jeans, shorts, bikinis, whatever the crap it is. But I do think that the truth is buried under a lot of high-waisted clothing these days and under trendy hashtags, because look, this is the reality of this conversation.
You can love your body and still admit that it actually needs some work. Because I'm finding that people are almost thinking that if you love your body, then that means it's perfect as it is. And you don't have to do work on it. And that's, that's not true. And the opposite as well. I don't think that if you are unhappy about certain parts of your body, that then you should shame it and hate yourself.
I think that's non-helpful and that is definitely not my message. And that's why I'm not into shaming somebody who is overweight or someone who's morbidly obese. The worst thing you can do is shame them. But I also don't [00:03:00] think that the best thing you can do is just tell them to love themselves because. Again, you can love your body and still admit that there is work required.
If you are overweight. You can feel confident in yourself, right. But still be very unhealthy. Confidence does not mean by the way. I think there's a lot of pseudo confidence out there. There's a lot of faux confidence out there in the body positive movement. But you can still be confident and still be unhealthy just because you come off as confident does not mean your body is healthy. You can also advocate for respect, which I'm huge about advocate for respect, but still call out the lies that are killing people.
And this is my message. I believe in respecting individuals, I don't believe in shaming somebody, whether they are overweight or really underweight. Because it's both ways and I'm going to get into that as well. But I don't believe that shaming is the answer I hate when you hear of someone who is overweight in a gym and they're being mocked, or people are looking at them like they don't belong in that gym.
[00:04:00] Like, can you be more effing, arrogant? They are literally saving their life by going and I love. Just as much as anybody. A good come up story of someone when you see like the reels of someone who was, you know, morbidly obese. And they kept at it day in, day out going to the gym, working on their nutrition, learning about themselves, evolving and becoming more disciplined and consistent over time.
Like it's not an overnight thing over time. And then you see like the end of the reel, whether this fit mother effa, who has just absolutely blitzed their entire identity and like gone up a notch times 10, I love that shit. I love it. I am like you go you. I very much believe in respect, but what I'm seeing is that has now been confused. For lying to people. Well for applauding them.
If they're overweight for literally worshiping obesity, it is a goddamn epidemic, not just in [00:05:00] our country. In Australia. I have listeners around the world. It's an epidemic everywhere. But especially the Western world, like. Coal out the lies that are killing people, but you can still do it in a respectful way. It's my belief, honestly, that the body positive movement actually went from self-love to self-destruction very, very rapidly. Very rapidly.
I think that it's basically attracted a whole bunch of people who genuinely don't want to work on themselves. They want to be victims. They don't want to cultivate to discipline and consistency and the things that are needed to actually take care of your body and to actually show it real love. It went from self-love. Because yes, the body positive movement has its place. As I said, I don't believe in shaming.
I don't believe in mocking people cause they're overweight. I don't believe in ridiculing them and trying to make them feel small. I don't think that helps anybody. But it has gone from self love to self destruction. So God damn quickly. So today we're going to actually break [00:06:00] down. Why dressing up denial as empowerment is one of the most dangerous trends that we've seen in decades.
And it is, it is. Utter denial. There is nothing empowering. About being severely overweight about being morbidly obese. Well, if there's nothing empowering about being a parent and you can't even run after your kids, cause you out of breath. Or there's nothing empowering about being a mother or a father. And you can't take care of yourself.
And again, Um, everything that I say comes with love, but let's be honest. Let's be real. You cannot take care of your own health, but yet you don't want your kids to be that way. You're in denial. There is nothing empowering about that message whatsoever. So, first of all, just to ground this episode, in some of my own lived experience, I want to encourage you to please stick with this episode to the very end.
I'm not here to hate on you. If you're overweight. Let me make that clear. And this is where I'm going to bring my own lived experience with this. I am living goddamn proof that taking radical accountability actually works. [00:07:00] I'm living proof of this, even when the odds are against you. And you might think, what are you talking about?
You're healthy your fit. You have a nice physique. Yes, I do. But I've god damn, worked for when I was 16 years of age, I was actually diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome. It's known as PCOS or PCO D they've now called it. Uh, goddamn disease. Let's not label things any more than what we fricking need to.
This is part of the problem, but at 16 years of age, I wasn't getting a regular period. I was Noticing a lot of symptoms within my body. That just seemed irregular. For instance, I was getting very hairy arms and legs and, and like abnormally hairy. And I'm like what the crap is going on. I started to put weight on very easily and I was always a very fit, active, healthy kid.
Like my family are fit and active and I was putting on weight quite quickly. In fact, at age 16 in one month, without changing anything in my diet. In my exercise routine, nothing like I'm telling you I was a fit and healthy individual. I put on [00:08:00] 10 kilos in one month. Without doing anything. Without changing a thing.
It was all hormonal. And so when I went to a doctor, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome and they actually said to me, there is a high chance. That you will become obese or overweight with this. That you cannot reverse this. It is impossible to reverse it. You're going to have it for life and it's best to just try to manage it. And the other thing that they said was that you may struggle to conceive naturally.
You may struggle to actually fall pregnant. That was at age 16 and here I was putting on weight very easily out of being very fit and healthy before then. And that sucked because it wasn't like I was sitting around eating a bag of chips 24 7 and not exercising, not taking care of myself. This actually was a case of my hormones, not working as they were meant to function and having more testosterone than what I was meant to hence why, you know, I was getting really hairy arms and legs and all sorts of [00:09:00] things. I had terrible acne.
I had cystic acne. Like it was not a good time. 16, 17, 18 were tough. They were tough goddamn years for myself. The thing is at that age, I, something in me was just like, I just don't want to take this on as mine. There was something in me that just felt like, no, this is not, this is not mine. And I don't, I don't want to believe this.
I don't want to take this on as, as my, my truth as my label, as something that I'm just stuck with for the rest of life. And so I went to work over years and I'm telling you it was years. There was so much trial and error. And I did reverse it. I absolutely reverse policy cystic ovarian syndrome to the point that it does not show up in blood test results.
And it does not show up in ultrasounds of my ovaries because I used to have. Cysts in my ovaries that looked like bunches and bunches of tiny little grapes. Like there was so many cysts in there. I have no SIS, my blood work comes back. Perfect. And the doctor even said to me, years ago, whatever you were doing, keep doing it because it's working. [00:10:00] And my weight completely changed.
Like I, and I'm not on the contraceptive pill. I don't take a pill for anything. So I'm telling you this. I am proof that discipline and consistency can turn things around. Even when the odds are against you, even when you've been given a diagnosis that does affect your hormonal health or your weight or whatever it might be. Like I'm living proof of this.
I am one of the most disciplined motherfuckers out there because of that. I'm so grateful for having gone through polycystic ovarian syndrome when young, even though I wouldn't wish it on anyone. And look, there's different ways that you can have it. Some people have polycystic ovarian syndrome, they don't get the weight gain. Some people have it.
They have severe weight gain. There's all different ways that it can play out in. Someone's like in a woman's life. But. I had a rough time with it. I had a really, really good damn rough time with it. And I was able to turn around because I refused to accept it as mine. I refuse to be a victim of my circumstances.
I refuse to take on. That diagnosis as proof that now. Um, [00:11:00] what was, may I get to be a victim in life and just put up with it. No. And one of the hardest things before I continue on was around the age of 17. I was going to college. We call it college in Tasmania in Australia, it was year 11 or 12. And I was walking to the college with one of my girlfriends.
Now, my friend, she was overweight. We all knew she was overweight. She wasn't doing anything about it. It's just kind of what she accepted in life. And we all knew she was overweight. Right. And I always felt for her, like my heart bled for her. Cause I was like, that must suck. That must really suck.
And I remember walking to school with her one day. Couldn't believe it. These guys drove past us. They had their window down and they yelled out some slurs at us about being fat. I don't remember what they said. It was something to do with being fat. And in my mind at first I felt shame for my friend because I'm thinking, oh my God, they said that about her.
And then it dawned on me. What they had actually said was about the both of us. And that's when it hit me of like, Holy [00:12:00] shit. The way that I see my friend is actually how the world is seeing me as well. And that's when it hit me of like, I've got to do something about this. Like, I am not happy in my body.
I'm not happy with what is going on and what I'm feeling like is out of control. I'm going to do whatever it takes. And it was a hard slog. But him so GRATEFUL, for it. I absolutely adore my body. Like truly adore my body. I have so much adoration and love for my body. I'm so fit and healthy health. Is my number one value in life.
I take it seriously and not to the extremes. Like if I miss a gym day, I don't care. Everything's all good for each chocolate. I don't care. Everything's all good. Like, I have so much balance in my health. I love my health. I take it so seriously. And this is why I'm saying. Some of the hardest diagnosises that you can have in life can be turned into the best thing for you in life.
So I just wanted to set the scene before I get into this, because I'm going to sound like a hard-ass, I'm going to sound like I'm kicking someone up the ass in this episode. I know that. [00:13:00] I'm aware of that, but that is the most loving thing that I can do for someone that is stuck in a rut in their health that is stuck in a rut with feeling like they're fat. Or they're obese or they hate their body.
And they're feeling out of control of they're feeling like they're stuck in a dark place and they can't do anything about it. I'm here to tell you living goddamn proof. You can turn it around. You seriously can. And I know I'm getting emotional about this because I've lived it. I know what it feels like.
I know what it feels like, but I also know the other side. If, when you just keep at it, you keep chipping away. You keep taking your health. Seriously. You don't live in excuses. 24 7. You don't take the easy victim route. You don't. And instead you take the other option and you come out the other side and you feel so fucking unstoppable.
So please, in this episode, when I am saying things that will sound quite harsh, take it with all of the love in the world. I have been on the other side of this. No, I wasn't morbidly obese, but I was overweight. To the point that guys [00:14:00] yelled out in the car. As I just explained, I still feel so much shame, but also so much love for that younger me of like, oh, that would have been so hard to hear, but I love you Holly.
And look at when you got to the other side, like this gets me so emotional because I know what it feels like. Oh, And I really want to say you are not a victim of your body. You are a co-creator of your health. I'm so passionate about this topic. The second that you actually stop outsourcing your responsibility, your life. Drastically changes. I am proof of that. When I say that you can take radical responsibility for your health.
I'm not throwing out cliches. I'm not here about, and this is the thing I'm not about your slap, a little hashtag body positive. Yeah. So, yeah. Health coach. Who's just going to tell you to love yourself, but change fucking nothing in your life. That is not me. I'm proof that it's possible when you take radical responsibility for your health, but I'm not here to throw out, feel good cliches to cuddle you and to make you feel better [00:15:00] while you're drowning in fat.
Because that is what this is. I'm not here to coddle you. I am actually here to encourage you to wake up to the truth of the matter is that you are not happy in your body. If you are morbidly obese, you're not. And you got damn, shouldn't be that. That is the truth of it. You should not be. Because you're killing yourself. But if I can fight from my health and win.
So can anybody, I really mean this. So, this is why when we first, even off the bat start, I know people are going to be like, but I've got a diagnosis or I've got a label. Don't hide behind that. Do not let that be your badge, you know, get out of jail free card. Lucky monopoly. Your body is not your enemy. It is not fighting you. It is not working against you trying to heal. It is trying to heal.
And it's your goddamn responsibility to find a way for it to heal. So let's talk about the body positive movement and the problems that I actually see with this movement. I do think that it started with good intentions, right? It has become now a [00:16:00] shield for utter. To avoidance and denial though, it's gone.
Like the pendulum has swung way too far. Like with all things, things can start off for good reasons, but then they can evolve into something that's a lot darker or a lot sinister or in this case, just utter avoidance and denial. So, yes, I do think that the body positive movement actually started to promote self love.
I think that's great to combat fat shaming. Amazing. I think that's important to help to stop eating disorders or unrealistic beauty standards. Amazing. I think that's all important things, right. But it has now become a culture that actually just normalizes unhealthy behaviors. It's now glorifying obesity as empowerment.
Like, I mean, you look at all the magazines out there. They're literally glorifying obesity. It's gone from mocking the models because they're too thin and it's not, it's not a good message. And of course, I think that when anorexia was glorified, that was disgusting, but now it's gone the other way. And now we're just promoting obesity and, you know, having to show a million plus size models out there.
Yes. Side note. [00:17:00] I understand that if you are plus size, as in you are overweight, that you would want to see how your clothing looks on someone else. I understand the concept. I'm not knocking the concept, but it's glorifying it. It's become the point where it's like, if you dare say someone is overweight and unhealthy, you are a hater. You're seen as an utter troll.
And again, I don't believe in shaming, but I believe in saying the hard truths. Confidence does not cure chronic illness. I don't care how much there is a health coach out there who is trying to just help people be confident in their obesity. Or in being fat. Back severely fat. That confidence does not then also cure your chronic illness if it stops it just yet just be confident. Just flaunt your body.
How are you helping? How are you actually helping? Self love does not lower your blood pressure or reverse your diabetes. It's important to love our bodies in the process. It was important for me to love my body. [00:18:00] No matter what size I was at. A thousand percent. But it didn't lower. My blood pressure. It did not reverse my policy, cystic ovarian syndrome, just having self-love. I had to get to work.
I had to get in the trenches. I had to work out. I had to trial and error my diet, and I don't mean going on a diet. I mean, supplementation. And where am I not eating the best or what nutrition am I missing out on? What vitamins and minerals am I missing out on? Maybe see a naturopath. I got blood test results.
What am I missing? What do I need? Health isn't toxic. Right. But pretending sickness is normal is, and I think that calling obesity body positivity does not make it brave. It actually makes it dangerous. This is becoming a dangerous movement, in my opinion. I actually think that the movement of combating fat shaming, which awesome.
Again, I'm behind that. Don't fat shame. Somebody. But the movement of [00:19:00] combating that has actually now just turned into a massive, big excuse. What started as a movement to combat fat shaming, a very real and harmful issue I've made that clear is now quickly gone into something that is completely unrecognizable.
It's no longer even what this whole movement even started about. The idea was to stop bullying people, right. For their size. I agree with that. To actually say, Hey, you know what? You deserve respect you. You deserve dignity regardless of your weight. I agree. You deserve respect, you deserve dignity.
And that is a thousand percent true. I fully support and back that no one deserve to be treated like crap because of their body. But somewhere along the way, it's shifted as all movements tend to do. Because it attracts a lot of people that want to stay in a victim mentality. It attracts a lot of people that just want to live in excuses 24 7, and then it starts to [00:20:00] evolve.
It went from you deserve respect to you deserve to do whatever the hell you want with zero accountability. And no one can tell you. That, what you're doing is killing you. No one can call you out on it. This is why there's a difference between fat shaming and truth telling there's a difference between fat shaming, somebody and pointing out that your body is fighting for its goddamn life while you're just calling it empowerment. There's nothing empowering about that message. And there's a difference between self-love and self sabotage.
People blur these lines all the time. True. Self-love isn't about eating whatever you fucking want. 24 7, or never moving your body or ignoring doctors and health physicians warnings. It's actually about taking care of yourself. Which means exercise. And I'm not trying to be condescending here. I do not want to speak down to anybody. But those lines are very blurred.
That self-love, that self-sabotage. People are sabotaging themselves to the [00:21:00] extremes now, but saying they're just loving themselves. Oh, I finally accepted myself, which means I get to eat 20 packets of Tim Tams a day and call it self love because I'm loving myself. I've just accepted myself as I am. No. You're not taking care of yourself and that is not self-love. Self love is getting yourself in a goddamn doom or going for a walk every day. Exercising in however way you want to exercise.
It's eating well.
Like, it's not rocket science. Real accountability. Is missing in the body positive movement. And honestly, I don't think most of these individuals are actually oppressed. I think they're just fucking undisciplined. Really undisciplined, but they're using fat shaming that label of, oh, you're fat shaming me as a shield. It's like this protective mechanism to actually avoid any form of discomfort. I've actually putting your goddamn pie down of hitting the gym or saying no to the third, helping when you're that full, you can't breathe.
Accountability is the problem.
You're not [00:22:00] oppressed. You just undisciplined. And I know I'm sounding strong in this, but it's for a reason, I, this was how I was with myself. And it got me to where I am and I have oodles of self-love. I have the highest levels of self-respect. I don't say that as a cockhead I'm not trying to like parade myself as look at me.
I'm awesome. It's not that it's, I've worked hard to get where I am, so it comes with so much passion, but it also comes with so much love because I've been through this. And I've come out the other side with the highest levels of self-respect discipline consistency. Self-love. Accountability. Self-responsibility. I actually think that this movement of trying to just combat the fat shaming has turned into glorifying laziness. And if you're actually the type of individual that calls that empowerment. I, yeah, I don't think you're oppressed. I think you really do avoid any form of accountability.
Respect doesn't mean denial. You just have kindness. Absolutely. But you still need to get your shit [00:23:00] together.
And yeah, fat shaming is cruel. It's very cruel. But I also think that calling out the lies that just normalize obesity, I think that's lifesaving, right? There's got to be balanced. You're not a victim because someone told you to put down the cake. You're not a victim. You're just pissed off that you might have to change your ways.
You're pissed off that you might actually have to take accountability for your life. There's a difference. And this is why I want to talk about why denial isn't empowerment. Pretending your body is fine is not self-love. It's self-sabotage. As I said before, you can love your body, but still take a level of responsibility for its health.
Love yourself through that journey. But normalizing obesity does not erase heart disease or the risks of heart disease or diabetes or inflammation. When I was first diagnosed with PCO. Where's. I was also told that there was a high chance that I would become diabetic, that I was pre-diabetic and they put me on a tablet called Metformin. I took it for [00:24:00] about two weeks and I was like, why am I taking this?
I'm not accepting this now. I'm not telling you to not take medication. Okay. I'm not a doctor. Let me make that clear. That is not my message. I have sought that out with your own goddamn doctor, but I chose to not take it. I stopped taking it after about two weeks and I've reversed everything myself. My own goddamn way. I refused to accept it.
I don't think that normalizing obesity. Instantly just erases the risk of diabetes and heart disease and inflammation. Just hides them under those trendy hashtags of, I love myself and look at me. I finally accepted myself as a fat woman or a fat man. Obesity is gorgeous, by the way, I'm making up all these hashtags.
I don't even know what hashtags are out there, but it's just like obesity has become this trendy thing and it's not, I actually think obesity is fucking gross. Like truly it's fucking gross. And this is not shaming somebody. What is gross is encouraging. It is encouraging it in kids. What his gross is [00:25:00] glorifying obesity as this cool thing. While people are literally dying, they're dying of overeating. They're dying of the heart failing. They're dying of their legs, swelling to extreme levels of just this constant like fluid retention in their bodies.
No quality of life. No real joy. Can we stop glorifying it, stop putting a label on it, of, you know, Fat is beautiful. It's not, yes. As a human being, we are beautiful. The individual is beautiful. The soul is beautiful, but obesity is not beautiful.
Confidence is temporary health is forever health. It should be. Uh, one of the highest priorities in all of our lives. It's forever. Slapping on a filter, calling yourself confident doesn't change. The fact that your body is still crying out for help underneath. And you deserve more than temporary confidence.
I want to make that clear and I'm going to get into soon about, uh, like health coaches, [00:26:00] body positive coaches that I'm going to make it clear why I have an issue with some messages that I see out there or make sense, but. You deserve more than that? Temporary confidence you deserve lifelong, like vitality. And that starts with action.
It starts with accountability and they're not pretty taking responsibilities, not this pretty glorious. Everyone applaud you thing. It's not, you get applauded more these days for being a lazy. See you next Tuesday. Let's be honest because everyone around you then feels comfortable in their laziness. You get applauded for being. The fat one. Because everyone else around you doesn't have to take accountability either.
You make them feel comfortable. You don't get applauded these days for having radical responsibility. For having radical accountability, you don't get a parade of people applauding you saying, oh, well done. Because you make people feel uncomfortable. People around you that you associate with. If they're lazy, see you next Tuesdays, they will feel uncomfortable as a [00:27:00] by-product of seeing you take responsibility for your life.
It can be uncomfortable. This is one of the most rewarding things that you can do for yourself. And look, I don't think confidence is just this band-aid. Over obesity over being morbidly obese. It just being overweight, like I'm talking. By the way I'm not talking about having a little bit of weight on you, right?
Let me make that clear. I'm not talking about body rolls. This is not about glorifying being the most fittest human being on the planet to the point that you're that extreme, that you don't even have a healthy lifestyle anymore because you can't eat a tiny bite of chocolate cake. Like I'm not advocating for that. I'm not talking about a goal weight.
I don't think that there is one shape out there that everyone's meant to be or one size out there that everyone's meant to be. I think that we are different shapes and sizes and I'm going to get into in a minute. Why? I don't think that we're all just big boned and you know, love handles is the most beautiful thing out there in all of this shit.
I'm going to get into it. But I want to make it clear. Confidence is not a [00:28:00] band-aid. You cannot just slap on the label of, oh, I'm confident in my obesity. No health is the cure. Health should be the goal. Confidence will become a byproduct. Have you actually taking accountability responsibility and becoming disciplined. You build incredible amounts of confidence. Through taking accountability responsibility and having incredible discipline in your life. Health is not about being skinny or curvy. It's about strength.
It's about energy. It's about having that zest for life. And I think that the body positive movement now has just confused curves. With actual visceral fat. Right. That's the fat that is stored around now organs and it kills people slowly, everyone, these days are just like, oh, I'm big boned. I'm just a curvy girl.
There's a difference between a woman actually having curves. Like genuinely having that natural curvy shape. I'm finding a lot of obese individuals are now calling [00:29:00] themselves curvy. You're not curvy. You're fat. There's a difference. You have incredible amounts of visceral fat stored around your organs.
That is slowly killing you. You're not big boned. We all have the same bones. We're not, you're not big boned. You're not curvy. You are fat. I know that is not pleasant to hear. I am not fat shaming. You. I'm not shaming. You I'm speaking the truth. It is the most loving thing that someone can do for you.
Stop chasing confidence when your body is actually begging for care.
Stop calling visceral fat FIC. I'm just thick. It's not sexy. It's actually a health crisis in denial. How often are you actually scrolling social media and you see body, body positivity posts. And feeling like this momentary hit of comfort. It's like, Ugh. I'm not the only one that's obese. Oh, I'm not the only mum out there who can't run after her kids. Well, [00:30:00] deep down, you know, your body is asking you for more.
And look. There are legitimate health challenges. As I said, There can be like, for instance, polycystic ovarian syndrome. It could be things to do with thyroid. Right. There's so many out there, but excuses often can mask a lack of effort. I don't want to separate the two. So just stick with me. Because I am going to talk about legitimate health issues and lead you to my health challenges.
But I want to, I want to separate this for a second. Let's just acknowledge some of the genuine health issues. Right? So the elephant in the room, yes. There are legitimate medical conditions that can make weight loss difficult. I can make health improvements more challenging. Right. As I said, thyroid issues could be PCOS or different hormonal imbalances.
They are real. I've lived with one. They are real. I know this firsthand. I faced this within myself when it was like, all my teenage friends [00:31:00] could eat whatever the crap they wanted and not put on weight. And here I was trying to be the healthiest individual. And I would just put on weight so easily.
When I found out I had polycystic ovarian syndrome. Like I've lived it. But this is what I want to differentiate. Here's the thing, even with those challenges, there's still room for effort. There's always something that you can actually do, no matter how small the steps might feel. Because honestly, when we just wait for those perfect conditions to actually start to take control and start to take action and start to take responsibility. We just stay stuck. So there is a difference. This is why I want to draw the line between actual challenges, like real challenges and excuses. What I'm calling out here is the excuses.
The times where we hide behind a diagnosis, we use it as a shield because it's so easy to do. So easy to do. You literally can say a doctor told me that I will put on weight easily. Adopted told [00:32:00] me that I'm likely to become obese and use that as an excuse to now just get fat and sassy. And just stop trying entirely. There is a massive difference between fighting through like a genuine challenge, actually fighting through it.
Like what I did. And the opposite of just avoiding responsibility under this fake guise of like, I just can't. Yes, you can. I'm not asking everybody to be perfect. I'm actually requesting that we all just start being really honest with ourselves. Are we actually doing everything that we can. Everything that we can. Or are you just letting yourself off the hook?
Because it feels so easy in the moment. And we have that get out of jail free card of I've got a hormonal issue issue. I've got a thyroid issue. I've got PCLs or whatever it might be. So because I've got that G get out of jail free card. It just feels easy to just give up. Just feels easy to just let myself off the [00:33:00] hook. This is why I'm not about perfection.
I'm about effort. And this is something again that I learned within myself. It's not about becoming some magazine worthy cover image, body. Right. It's not about going after the extreme ideals of whatever the beauty standards are in this particular decade. It's about showing up for yourself in whatever capacity you can.
And that will look different for everybody, but it's about doing it every single day. It's about effort, not excuses. Because that's where honestly, the real power lies within ourselves. When we take effort over excuses, every single goddamn day. We don't need perfect conditions to start. We're not the types that are going to be like, oh, I'll start next month. I'm just going to eat myself to the ground right now.
I'll just start next month. No. It's about having that courage to stop lying to ourselves about what's actually possible and starting right now.
And again, just to make it clear, I really want to make this clear. This is [00:34:00] not about shaming. Anybody shaming does not help do not shame yourself. You don't shame yourself into getting better. You don't shame yourself into discipline. But pretending that no changes needed. I don't think that that helps either.
I think that's where we've gotten to. The hard truth is actually what leads us to true growth. True growth.
And sometimes. Growth. It means hearing what we actually don't want to hear.
And just like myself. I just want to say this your diagnosis. If you have one. Is not your destiny. It's actually a starting point. It was a starting point for me. It was the biggest journey of going within and finding out so much about myself. And just as I said earlier, just cultivating the most self-respect. The question is what are you willing to do with your diagnosis?
If you have been given one. Are you just accepting it? Where is it your starting point of massive self discovery? Uh, massive discipline. Because your [00:35:00] excuses are not empowering you. What empowers you is effort? I know this firsthand. Because the moment that you actually stopped hiding behind the I can't, I can't do it. I can't.
I just can't with all the excuses.
That's when you actually start discovering how much you actually can, when you start prioritizing effort. Instead of excuses.
And let's just talk about some self-love coaches or body positive coaches. There's all different names and I'm not against them. There is a place for them. And there's lots of different, like, let me make this clear.
There's lots of different niches within that genre. Right? So there would be some health coaches. Uh, body positive coaches out there who will address things at a mind and a body and like a, a soul level. Right. And that's awesome because that's getting all of it. And what I'm finding though, is some within that industry, within that big umbrella, Uh, working on helping individuals that are overweight with [00:36:00] confidence. Helping them with self-love. But not challenging them to make changes.
In fact, they're endorsing eating shit and often these coaches themselves are overweight. And of course, yes. As I said earlier, self-love is important. I agree. Love yourself through the entire journey, but if you have a health coach that is just telling you to just love yourself, but not make any changes, I would find a different coach. And no, I'm not a health coach.
I'm not promoting myself. Okay. This is not what this is about. I'm not some health coach. I'm not somebody positive coach. That's not what this is. There is a huge difference though, between accepting your body and just giving up on it. And that is what I'm finding is being encouraged. Is it's almost like if you have self-love then that means you're allowed to give up on your body. You're allowed to give up on it.
A lot of self-love coaches are selling comfort instead of change. Self-love comes from self-respect [00:37:00] self-respect comes from making changes in your life and from sticking to your word. And that's where confidence comes because confidence is just self-trust. That's what confidence is. Confidence is trusting that when you say you're going to do something you motherfucking and follow through on it, you will follow through. So the more that you actually say, I am not happy in being overweight.
I am not happy in being obese. And I'm going to do something about it right now. And I am committing to going to the gym X amount of days this week, or I'm committing to eating X, Y, Z, whatever it might be. And I'm going to do this no matter what, when you actually stick with that. That is you building self-trust, which means you ultimately build self-confidence, which means your self-respect goes through the roof. Which then means your self love goes through the roof.
They're all intertwined. It doesn't come from a coach saying just love yourself and eat whatever the fuck you want. While you eat yourself to death. It's bullshit that they're actual self-love coaches out there who are [00:38:00] just endorsing comfort and not change. And usually, as I said, it's because it makes them more comfortable in the fact that they are also overweight. And so they want to be surrounded by people who also make them feel comfortable. In the fact that they actually don't accept it within themselves, but they have to pretend that they do because they're selling you a package. It's bullshit. Acceptance doesn't mean that you stop striving for better.
Just because you love your body does not mean that you stop striving to make it even better.
And by better, I know that's probably not the best word to use, but like for instance, myself, I love and accept my body. Does that mean now? I never go to a gym again. No, I love it that much, that I exercise. I love my body that much, that I actually go to a gym and workout. I don't work out to punish myself.
I'm not that person. That's not my message. If I eat something that's like really unhealthy for me tonight. I don't go to the gym tomorrow as punishment.
Case that I ate [00:39:00] something that wasn't healthy. Who gives a shit. 80% of the time. I really well, so it's all good. Like I'm not that person. That's all about being so strict and like shaming yourself. Because you ate something that you normally don't enjoy a life goddammit, uh, go to the gym because I love myself and I feel good and I feel energized and I feel so fucking powerful when I work out. It's not because I am shaming myself.
I'm trying to work off calories. I don't believe in that message. I love myself. Therefore, I make changes. I love myself. Yes. I accept myself, but it doesn't mean that I stopped striving for better. It means you love yourself enough to make changes that your body is actually crying out for. And the issue I have with this body acceptance coaches.
Again, it's not all there are legendary ones out there. But I would filter them through. They're actually glorifying stagnation. That's what I'm saying. They're telling you to settle when your body is screaming for more. And I actually think that real body [00:40:00] acceptance is not about saying, oh, this is fine.
It's fine. I'll just accept it. No it's about saying I'm worth the motherfucking effort. It takes to actually feel amazing. To actually feel vitality in life to feel powerful, to feel like I'm taking up space. To feel like I can walk in any room with absolute confidence, my shoulders back, my head held high.
I feel good. I feel magnetic. I feel sexy. All of those things. That's what your body is screaming for you to feel. And the more that you listen to a coach who tells you to just love yourself and that's it, it stops there. There are lazy coach. They are settling. Therefore you settling makes them feel comfortable. We've actually turned excuses into empowerment these days, and now we're calling up body positivity.
There's nothing positive about it. It's time to stop worshiping what is keeping us stuck? Because self-love does not mean letting yourself [00:41:00] off the hook. It means holding yourself to a much higher standard because you know, And this is going to sound cliche, but you know, you're worth it. That's the thing you are worth taking responsibility for you are worth holding your standards higher with yourself. And this is why I think some of these self-love health coaches actually failing you.
I don't trust a coach who tells you to stay where you are, if it's actually harming your health. But just teaching you to just slap on a label of self love and confidence.
It's harming your health. It's not self-love, it's actually, self-neglect wrapped in these feel-good language. That's what it is. The coaches who say, except yourself, make no changes. They are lying to you because true empowerment comes from actually taking the action. As I said before, it's not from pretending.
You're fine. When, you know, in the core of your soul that you're not. Because true body acceptance doesn't mean that you stay where you are. It means you respect yourself [00:42:00] and enough to continue moving forward, to continue making changes, continue trial and error and refinement and find what works and what doesn't. And if you have a health coach who isn't challenging you to grow. They're not empowering.
You. They're actually just enabling you. And again, it comes from their own shit. That's what it comes from.
another gripe that I actually have with the body positive movement is I believe it's now preaching love, but only for particular bodies only for certain body types. Let's talk about skinny shaming for a second, because I actually think body positivity. Is it about empowerment? If it shames a thin woman as unrealistic or boyish. Right.
You look at someone who's like quite naturally thin. And often they'll be told they have a boyish physique. Or it's unrealistic. They are setting unrealistic health standards. No, you're actually shaming someone who's naturally thin. I'm not talking about anorexia. We're not glorifying [00:43:00] anorexia here.
I'm talking about someone who is naturally a thinner build, but they get told that they are holding unrealistic beauty standards or unrealistic body standards.
So explain to me why. It's all about loving obesity, but let's shame. Someone who's naturally thin. How is that? Like, what the fuck? Really empowerment actually means advocating for respect for all bodies, not just bigger ones.
There is such hypocrisy in this movement.
Your biology, your body doesn't give a flying fuck about what hashtags are trending in the body. Positive movement. You slap a body positive hashtag on your, on your Instagram feed and all of a sudden that means it now you're healthy. No, it nothing's changed. Some bodies are stronger. Somebodies are faster, some are healthier than others.
That's science. It's not discrimination. All right. Not everything is, is you're a victim and you're being [00:44:00] discriminated against. There is difference in biology, but that, that does not mean that obesity is natural. It's not. There's nothing natural about it.
Body positivity is no longer about love. It's actually about projection. And if your empowerment comes at the expense of somebody else's body, it's not empowerment, it's Hypocrisy and that's what I'm finding. There is so much. Hypocrisy in the movement. Only worship obesity, but shame the skinny ones.
And this is why I don't agree with self-love is just back this label that you slap on yourself and it's like, oh, I'm allowed to eat these 10 packets of Tim Tams because I'm just loving myself. That's not what it is. Stop. Stop lying to ourselves. Can we stop with the lying stop gaslighting ourselves. Self-love is actually about loving your body enough to fuel it, to move it, to treat it like the actual temple that it is. And discipline is not about being harsh.
That's why I wanted to [00:45:00] make this example before about like my discipline is not me judging myself or being critical of myself or being harsh about myself. It's actually about devotion discipline to me is devotion. I'm disciplined because I love myself. Not because I hate my body. And if you truly honestly respect yourself, you will put in the work. Our bodies are a literal billboard for the level of self-respect.
We have, I know someone's going to hate that, but let me say it again. Our bodies. We are literally a walking billboard for the level of self-respect that we have.
Our bodies send a message to the world of how much self-respect, how much self-discipline and how much self love we have and how much self-trust we have.
Your body is either sending a message to the world of, I love myself enough that I will put in the work. And yes, you could be on that journey, right?
Again, no Shamie, if you are morbidly obese, listening to this. I'm not shaming. You. I am not shaming. You, you can be on a [00:46:00] journey and as you're going through that journey, your body is changing. And the message it's giving off to the world is changing. Because a morbidly obese individual, the message that they're giving to the world is I fucking gave up on myself a long time ago. It's I don't love myself enough to be disciplined. It's I gave up on taking responsibility and accountability in life. Or it could be, I've went through some shit in life and I now have this armor up to protect myself so I don't get hurt again.
So I don't have to let people in. And if that's you, I see you and my heart goes out to you, but again, let's not let that be an excuse for the rest of your life.
Don't let whatever's happened in the past. Be a death wish on you for the rest of your life. You are worth so much more than that. You are worth so much more self-love than that. If you truly respect yourself, you will put in the work. The problem is not the hard work. It's your fear [00:47:00] of actually facing it because it's going to make you uncomfortable. It is so uncomfortable. Especially when you feel like you were so far gone and you're like, how do I even get back to how I used to be?
Or if you've never been where you want to be in life, and you've always been overweight, maybe you all raised by parents who just fed you absolute shit all the time, never encouraged health and exercise. It's a hard slog, man. My heart goes out to you. I have not lived that. I do not have lived experience with that.
My heart goes out to you and it would feel like a mountain is in front of you. Where you're just like, where do I start? And I don't know what it even feels like to feel good in my own body. I don't know what it feels like to walk into a room with full confidence and self-respect, and like, Just power.
I don't know what that feels like. That would suck. But again, If I just say to you or woe is you. Oh, it's tough. You've had it tough. Therefore, you get to just stay in your comfort zone for the rest of life. [00:48:00] I am not loving you in saying that. The most loving thing that I can say to you is get the fuck. Up. Get up, get to work and don't stop.
Do not stop. Do not stop. And trust me in six months time, you'll be sending me a message or an email and saying, uh, what the crap, I'm a different human being. And I know with full certainty that if you do not quit on yourself, no matter what. That you will be a different human being. Complete different human being. I know that for fact, if you just don't stop, don't quit.
Stop calling discipline toxic. It's the most radical act of self-love that there actually is.
Respect your body's needs. Right. Respect what it actually needs. Not it's excuses. Stop pretending that confidence is curing your cholesterol. Because it's not stop [00:49:00] pretending that your self-love hashtag is reducing your chances of diabetes. It's not. Self love is not denial. It is discipline. And if you're not willing to actually show up for your health, don't call it. Love. It's avoidance. If your health coach is encouraging you to love yourself by being a lazy, see you next Tuesday.
The teaching you avoidance. I may likely have a lot of avoidance in their own life. Because discipline is not toxic. It is love. It is respect and it is devotion, but inaction. This is the most. Highest levels of devotion you can have for yourself is having discipline. And not quitting, no matter what, not stopping, no matter what don't give up on yourself.
So my message to you is respect your body enough to stop lying to it. Stop lying. Your body's not political. It's not a political movement. It's not a social justice movement. Yeah. Out of all of that [00:50:00] shit, your body's biological. Your biology doesn't care about your trendy, hashtags doesn't care about your social justice movements. It doesn't care about how confident you are or how many excuses you're using your biology cares about what you eat. About how you move about how you treat your body every day. That's what your biology cares about.
That is what your body is caring about. And so I want to ask you a question. What is more uncomfortable? Is it facing the truth now? Or is it waking up in 10 years from now with the consequences of your denial? Because let me give it to you straight. You have a choice right now, listening to this. You have a choice?
No, one's forcing you. No one has a gun to your head. This is you have full power in this moment to make this decision. And it's a decision you make right now in this second. This is your choice. Are you going to decide, okay, I'm going to be uncomfortable right now. I'm going to be so uncomfortable. I'm making the changes right now today, and I'm not going to stop. I'm not [00:51:00] going to quit. I'm going to exercise.
I'm going to eat well. I'm going to nourish my body, but in a very well-balanced way. Um, maybe it's, I'm going to see a naturopath, maybe it's I am going to get a health coach, but one that's actually balanced and has the body that I dream of. Right. Don't get a health coach. Who's fucking obese. Like seriously, it's nuts your choices.
I'm going to do all these things now. And yes, I'm going to be uncomfortable. Yes. It's going to be a hard slog at times. But I'm going to build. Absolute resilience. Absolute self-confidence self-trust. Utter devotion. Self-love discipline if I haven't already said that self responsibility, accountability, all those awesome things.
Right. And I'm going to actually harness the most insane levels of personal power, where I walk into a room and I take up space. I don't hide. I don't hide in my clothing. I don't cover up my belly with my handbag. I don't walk in with my head down, not wanting to make eye contact. I take up motherfucking [00:52:00] space. Like the king or the queen that you are. That's choice number one or twice.
Number two is you hate me. You say I'm toxic. You say I'm fat shaming. You say I'm a bitch you say, or whatever you want to say. Okay. I can handle it. I'm all good. You say all that and you go back to being lazy and you go back to excuses and you go back to. Being very unhappy in your body.
And 10 years from now looking back and being like, God damn, I wish I, I actually took the first option because where would I be right now? And how would my body be right now? And how confident would I be actually feeling. But instead, because you choose option B. You know, living with the consequences of your denial. You get to choose.
No one is forcing you. And again, this is not about shaming, anybody. This is actually about, about saving lives. Love your body enough to stop lying to it. Step out of these social justice movements that honestly have an agenda that is not there to [00:53:00] help you step into accountability. Start giving yourself the care that you actually deserve, because again, your curves. If they're real curves, love fricking curves.
I love curving women. I think they look beautiful. But your curves often, what is labeled as curves is visceral fat. It's not empowering. If it actually is just hiding chronic inflammation.
Being healthy is not toxic. Pretending you don't need to be healthy. Is. Confidence. Absolutely. Might make you feel good in the moment. Yes. Right. It's like, maybe you are. Uh, obese and you're going to an event and you're all dressed up and you're feeling good about yourself for the first time in a long time.
That confidence feels good in that moment. But it's fleeting when it doesn't come from your everyday routines and your discipline and your accountability and your self responsibility. That is what will save your life. Stop giving up on yourself and just calling it love. Stop giving up on yourself and just calling it [00:54:00] self love.
If I can fight for my health and I fought for it, I actually fought for it over years. Trial and error. If I can do that. So can you, your body deserves better and you know, it. And you do too. You as a human, as a soul, you deserve better. You are burrowing this body in this lifetime. I'm borrowing this body.
Yes, I'm hollie, but my soul is not holy. That's just who I am in this particular lifetime. I'm borrowing this body. And I want to have the most reverence and devotion and respect for this body that I'm borrowing.
And that's the journey I went on and it's the most rewarding one you can possibly go on. You deserve better and you know it, and it's not going to come from this social justice movement of let's glorify obesity. Let's just tell you that you're beautiful at any size. Yeah. You as a soul, a beautiful, but your body's not beautiful.
If you are obese. I don't care. Who's going to hate me for that. Your body is not beautiful. If you are obese, there is nothing beautiful [00:55:00] about it. It is death. Warmed up. That's all that is. Imagine waking up every single day, feeling strong. Feeling energized. Feeling so. Fucking proud of how you care for your body.
It's the most freeing feeling in the world. It is. I can't say this enough, it is the most freeing feeling in the world. And that is the freedom that is honestly waiting for you on the other side of denial.
So I know this has been a strong conversation. I know that as usual, this will be one of those conversations that may ruffle a few feathers. Again, I'm not shaming you, if you were someone that I personally know or someone that I don't even know. You could be anybody. If you are overweight.
And you are struggling in your health. You are struggling maybe to obesity. Maybe it's not even obesity. Maybe you're just feeling blah and your body. And you'd be a little bit overweight and you just know, you know, you can do so much better. Yes. Love yourself through every single journey. [00:56:00] Love yourself.
Don't shame yourself. Don't hate your body. Cultivate love. While still taking action while still creating that discipline and that consistency and that utter devotion for yourself. But don't confuse self-love and this is my main message. Do not confuse self-love with just giving up on yourself. We're just accepting your excuses because it's self love.
It's not. If you truly love yourself, you will do whatever it takes in a healthy way. To have full devotion for yourself. So. The body positive movement. Is it bravery? Or is it bullshit? I would say there was in the beginning. A bit of bravery. For sure. I think that, yes, do not fat shame somebody. Do you not shame somebody who is already feeling yuck within their own body?
I don't agree with that.
understand why the movement was created to combat fat shaming. To prevent eating disorders.
And even to stop those [00:57:00] unrealistic beauty standards. I understand that. I do think that there is an element of bravery in the beginning, but I think it is turned into bullshit. I think the body positive movement has now just turned into the bullshit movement. The I gave up on myself movement and I now expect the world. To just agree with everything I say, or I'm going to tell you that you are a fat shamer. And I don't agree with that.
So even if that gives me a label of fat shaming, I'm okay with holding that label. I am actually okay. With that. I would rather speak what I believe is important. Even if it comes with flack, I'm okay with that. Because the most loving thing that I can do is speak. What I believe is the truth. Of course, it's my belief. What I believe is the truth. Rather than just coddling. And just encouraging people to give up on themselves.
So my question is, what are your thoughts on this episode?
What are your thoughts in the body positive movement movement? What do you think it started for? What do you think it's now become? Do you absolutely disagree with me? Do you think I'm being [00:58:00] way too judgmental and harsh? Can you understand where I'm coming from? What's your worldview? What is your opinion?
That's what I want to understand. What is the way that you look at the world? What is the way that you look at these? So social justice movements. And do you see that there is good in it? Or do you see that now it's turned into something else? Or is there room for both. Because often there is room for both.
I love your guts as always. And yeah, that was a ripper of an episode. We'll talk soon. Have a great week. Legends. Bye.
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