Ep. 46 | Judgy AF: Embracing Intrusive Thoughts, Wankers, and The Outlaw Archetype
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hey legends. How are you? Welcome back to another episode. So. First of all, let's do a real quick update before I get into this episode. And this episode is going to be very helpful by the way, I want this to be a quickie. For you. I want this to be as short as possible and just get straight to the point. We all know I'm all about efficiency around here.
Big time. So, yeah, you're definitely gonna get something out of this episode. I'm going to go through. Uh, my process. As someone that is a judgmental human being. But I'm going to give context to this because one of the things that has come out in people messaging me, whether that is in voice notes or text messages or messaging through like Instagram or even through messenger.
If they know me personally, like on my private Facebook, One of the things that keeps coming back to me is how people are acknowledging. And I'm so grateful by the way. Thank you. If you're one of those people very recently, who has been messaging me, but people have been, I guess, reflecting back to me how much they love that.
Even though I acknowledged that I am a judgmental human being, I can come [00:01:00] off as nonjudgmental on quite big juicy topics. Like for instance, one of the things that was reflected back to me this past weekend. I had someone voice note me on Instagram. I also had someone message me on messenger, someone that I know privately through my own Facebook.
And I also had someone through Instagram, send me a written message as well. I'm reflecting back to me saying that they really appreciate the fact that I can hold such strong opinions. I'm paraphrasing. These are three different messages from three different people, but then I can hold such strong opinions and views of the world, but come off as nonjudgmental to people that might see the world differently. Even though I also acknowledge and say, I am a judgemental person.
Right. So I really appreciate that people are seeing that in me and seeing. The humanness in me because. I just think that when we are super judgy, Again, I'm going to get, bring both sides. When we are super judgy to people, it shuts down conversations and it shuts down [00:02:00] any chance of understanding. Whilst also acknowledging that we all as human beings, whole judgments of other people. I don't trust somebody at all who says I'm just not a judgemental person.
Like bull shit you're, not every human being on the planet holds judgements. Right. And, and in varying degrees. So when I say I'm a judgmental person, I'm owning it. But my judgments are often very different from what the average person's judgments might be. I will a thousand percent. Judge based off my own internal bullshit.
And I made that clear in when I went through comments. Uh, on social media platforms, based off my abortion episode, like I acknowledged that. I said, if I'm judging, it's often because of my own repressed shadows and things that I'm not accepting within myself. Therefore, I am basically vomiting them onto another, whether it's internal in my head. [00:03:00] And they're the intrusive thoughts. I don't want to speak out loud. I'm actually saying it to someone like, for instance, if I was in a relationship. Often our intimate partners are the ones that bear or a family's bear, most of our shadows and most of our judgments.
Right. Because we feel safer with them. And so our stuff tends to come out more. Right. So. I've made it clear that I am a judgmental person, but it's not in the way that most people like the average human being is. For instance, I have said before that, like if I have friends that like start businesses, I am the biggest cheerleader. I'm like you go for it.
I don't care if you're dancing on reels on Tik TOK, I don't give a shit. Do you do your thing? I'm going to support you all the way. I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader. I'm going to shake your stuff. Like I am like, let's go. I applaud and cheer people who are going for it in life or who just do things outside the box.
I will be your biggest cheerleader. I will. Judge behaviors of [00:04:00] individuals that I don't agree with. And often again, it's because of stuff I'm not accepting within myself. Or it's just because there's something about them and I'm going to get into this that I am not approving of. And it comes from a place of self-righteousness. So, yeah. W we will get into that.
First of all, let's it'll be juicy episode. Short, but sweet. First of all want to give you an update. This past weekend was my birthday. I'm not a huge birthday person. I'm not huge about birthdays. It's very rare that I'll do something really big for my birthday. In fact, the last time I even had like a proper party, I think it was my 30th so years ago.
Right. So. Yeah. I'm not a huge birthday person. I think that's because my top love languages. Like my top two, a physical touch, like by George. By George, who says that I do by George touch me. I'm like all yours. And second of all is words of affirmation. I love being praised. I love it. I love someone like saying nice things about me it feels so [00:05:00] good.
I can handle people saying not nice things about me too. Maybe in some weird, fucked up way. I take this. As praise and words of affirmation as well, but yeah, physical touch, physical intimacy and words of affirmation. I'm not so big on like presents now don't get me wrong. If you were to give me a present, you send me your present. In fact, I even put on my Instagram stories in the past. In the weekend, just gone that like one of the biggest presents. And things you could do for me for my birthday, if you want to just. shower me in all of your love and your affection is to rate and review the podcast.
I even put a link on my Instagram story. So if you're watching this on YouTube now, or you're listening in your ear holes while you're cleaning, driving, walking the dog. I was about to say, having sex, that would be so weird. If you are listening to me while having sex do not do that. Turn this off right now. If that is you. My God, but one of the best things you can do is go in and rate it on.
Like for instance, Spotify on apple podcast, you can rate and reviews. You can actually write something and I love reading [00:06:00] them again. Words of affirmation, just heap it on me guys. So, yeah, if you haven't done that, please do that on any platform you listen to rate and review because obviously this podcast is highly controversial.
It's not for everyone it's designed for you. It's. Designed for the legends. I'm getting judgy to the non legends who don't listen, it's just designed for you the absolute legends. So would you please go and rate and review? I've very rarely asked for this. That would be the best birthday present, but the actual update I wanted to give you was not that it was my birthday.
It was two things from this past weekend, from my birthday one. Have a confession. So I've said before, I've never vomited from alcohol my entire life. I'm not a big alcohol drinker. I don't actually love alcohol. Let me be honest. I have my first ever sip of alcohol at the age of 25, obviously because of my various strict. Operate. Up Regis.
I just combined two words, religious and upbringing to upper ridges. So let's just go with that because of my very upper bridges. Childhood and teens. [00:07:00] My religious upbringing. Uh, yeah, we weren't allowed to drink alcohol, so I didn't even have my first sip till 25 and it was a sip of wine. And I was like, oh yeah, this is cool.
It felt buzzed instantly. I'm not lying. I actually felt buzzed from one sip. I'm a lightweight, I never have more than two drinks in a night type thing. Anyway, I went a whole year and a half with no alcohol. Like. 2022, no, sorry. 2023, 2024 year and a half, no alcohol. And then a couple of months ago, I was like, it's time to live a little, I'm getting very strict on myself.
It's time to inject some fun and no, I don't think you need alcohol to have fun, but that was one of the things that I was like, I may need to have some wines, let's have some wine. So I went out with one of my girlfriends one night, I had two wines and we were dancing just to actually, no, that's a lie. We didn't dance that night and then went out with three girlfriends another night, another two drinks dancing so much France anyway, here and now I'll have wine. Still. My entire life never vomited from alcohol.
And then the night before my birthday, I went out with my [00:08:00] three closest girlfriends. Again. And I had two wines, but they were Moscatos. I like sweet white wine. Not again. Two wines my, by the way, they were not your standard size drinks, but any who? The next morning, I just, from the, to the next morning I had the worst hangover I've ever had in my life. On my birthday.
I did not plan for that. It's not like I had some crazy wild night. Two wides two, Moscatos woke up with a shocking hangover, went out for breakfast on my birthday and had to leave the table and go and vomit in the bathroom. I was mortified. So there you go. First time ever. I've vomited from alcohol from a hangover I've barely had.
I think I've had one other hangover in my life. Maybe two. And never vomited and then I've just killed it. And it happened to be on my birthday. So the morning of my birthday, I felt like shit. And I was like, this is never happening again. I was about to say, I'm never going to drink alcohol again, but then I'm like, no, you know what?
It's the preservatives. It's the sugar too. [00:09:00] Instead of having sweet white wines, I'm counting them and I'm going to drink spirits next time. Have one to two spirits, I'm thinking. I quite like rum, maybe wrong people are recommending stuff, but yeah. Anyway, that was one thing. Second thing, which was really quite like a. Synchronistic thing was, I went out for dinner on my birthday. So that night I walked into this restaurant.
I've never been there before. And I walked up to, you know, obviously explained about the booking. I walked up to next to the bar where the lady was standing to serve me. And she said, oh, I believe this booking is someone's birthday. And I was like, oh yeah, it's my birthday. Now I'm beknownst to me, there was a man sitting at the bar.
I didn't see him. I was kind of like, my back was slightly to him who was apparently sitting on his own at the bar and he heard the conversation and he heard it was my birthday. Anyway. Fast-forward ended the night, you know, we went to pay and to leave and the lady said, oh, by the way, the first round of drinks have been paid for by the gentleman at the bar.
And I was like, what? And I went [00:10:00] to look and she was like, oh no, no, no, he's not here. Long story short, he's a regular of this restaurant that I'd never been to before. That was amazing. Best freaking steak I've ever had in my life. Best steak ever. Anyway. I didn't get to meet the man at the bar. The story was this man is a regular of this restaurant. It was his mum's birthday.
And his mum had recently passed away on the exact day of my birthday. Right. And here I am walking into this restaurant. Standing right near this guy. And he overhears me saying, yes, it's my birthday. And obviously, um, this has made is putting this together. I'm hoping in my heart that this man felt the presence of his mum.
It's going to, I feel all emotional. I'm getting my feels. I hope he felt that in hearing me say. On his mom's exact birthday and she's recently passed away and I'm here saying it's my birthday. I hope that he felt the presence of his mother in that room of like, almost like. She sent me in there to be like, Hey, [00:11:00] I'm right here with you.
My son. Oh, that's getting me all emotional, but yeah, I just thought it was so sweet that this man paid for our drinks. I didn't even get to thank him. I was so sad. I didn't get to meet him and thank him. I would have actually loved to have sat down at the bar next to him. Had I have known and just chatted for ages and asked him all the questions about his mom and I would've loved to have learnt all about her life and just. Yeah.
I just thought that would have been so beautiful, but yeah, I just thought that was really cool. A really cool, like pinch me moment. It was like giving me chills. As I walked out, I was like, oh my gosh, I actually feel the presence of like, This woman, like, I feel her presence. So I hope he did too in me saying, Hey, it's my birthday. So there we go.
All right, let's talk about judgment. The reason why I wanted to talk about this is one, because of obviously the messages I've been getting. And also people have said to me, this is something that is reflected back repeatedly. Wow. You have a very controversial podcast. You are very strong. You are very strong to talk about these topics, or I've also been told I could [00:12:00] never do that.
Or another one is I've seen some of the comments you get online. This was especially back when I had a semi viral, real on Instagram. That was all about the feminist movement and why I'm not a feminist. And I don't support the feminist movement that. Got like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of comments that like reamed me hard. That sounded very sexual.
I don't mean nothing like that actually happened at all. Verbally, I got reemed. And so people would say back then I couldn't handle that. Like I couldn't do it. I don't know how you do it. And so it's got me thinking about how I've been able to view judgment because to be honest, I would not have been able to have this podcast even probably a year ago. In fact, even early this year.
So 2024, this podcast was launched in June, leading up to it. So I have a coach, uh, Breanna May. She's a business coach. She's a personal development coach. She's a coach for coaches. I'm not a coach, but she's a coach for coaches. She wears all [00:13:00] the hats. She's bloody amazing. Can't recommend her enough.
Breanna may look her up. But I remember when I first mentioned that I wanted to do this podcast and we were going back and forth on ideas and I was like saying stuff to her. And one of the biggest fears that came up for me, Wasn't necessarily a fear of judgment. It was that I genuinely didn't want to hurt somebody like hand on heart.
I don't deliberately seek to hurt people. I do now deliberately say certain things that will repel people. I hand on heart. Yes. I deliberately say certain things that will repel a type of individual. Because I don't want this podcast to be for everybody. I don't want this podcast to be a safe space for every human being on the planet, because if that is my goal, Then I am not speaking.
What's on my heart. Because that's impossible. It is impossible to micromanage people's perceptions. It is impossible. And a full-time fricking job that would be never ending. There would have no [00:14:00] ending in sight to try to micromanage the perceptions that people hold of me. Right. So that is not my guy.
I'm not trying to be a safe space for most individuals. Truly. I'm not. But I don't deliberately try to hurt people. So I will say things definitely that will get a reaction and I'm aware of that and I will still say them anyway. But in it is purity of heart. I am not trying to hurt people. So. Even though.
Yes. Some may view what I talk about as strong and all of those things. But let me just tell you, six months ago, my big thing was like, I don't want to hurt anyone. I genuinely don't and had to move through that to be like, you know what? I'm going to hurt people no matter what. And it's the same for you.
No matter what, you're going to hurt people while you're here on earth. And it's not your job to micromanage that as long as your intentions are pure.
But let's talk about judgments and how being able to turn it around. So. One of the things that you as an individual, if you are a, an avid listener of this podcast, or if this is your first ever episode, and you're like, [00:15:00] Ooh, there's something about her that I like, or there's something about what she's saying that I'm vibing with. I'm going to guarantee that you are likely in one of two camps. And that is you are an outlaw.
I'll get into this, but you likely have an aura. Of being an outlaw within yourself, which is commonly known as the non-conformist or the rebel, the type that goes against the grain, the type that can have a bit of a. Don't tell me what to do, attitude. The type that doesn't like to be told what to do. You know, we often are the ones that are seen as. Free spirits quite disruptive.
Maybe you're very disruptive in the industry that you're reading. You do things very different. You go against the grain. You don't want to be seen as everybody else. You'd like to be seen as an individual. You might see rules are there to be broken. You do not agree in just following [00:16:00] every single rule.
That's something that I always guarantee that 99.99999% of you are in that camp. Or. The other camp I would say would be you have a little bit of that in you. But you're squashing it down out of possibly fear of what people will say. And you want to. Bring that out, even more in you. So it's in there. It's in there, but it's, it's been squashed down. And you're, you would likely look to brands or individuals or like this podcast and be like, wow.
When I listened to that, or when I listened to her guest speak on her podcast, it invokes something in me that makes me want to be more like that. That makes me want to bring more of that out in myself. I don't know this because that, that was me. Right. I used to listen to different people, speak and be like, God damn.
She says that so strongly. And so just, I was so much conviction, but she's not like an obnoxious pig and there's something about her that I'm drawn to her. Right. So you'll likely be in one of those two camps. And I actually want to talk about this [00:17:00] for a second because. Just in case you're new to branding, there are lots of different brand archetypes out there.
Right? So a particular brand, a particular company or personal brand. So an individual. We'll have a predominant, normally at least one predominant archetype. And the more that they lean into that archetype, the more that their let's say their audience, their customers, their clients are like drawn to them, like a moth to a flame. Right.
Like a fly to a shit just. That's such an Aussie thing to say. But the more that you lean into that part of your brand or who you are, the more your soul clients, your dream clients, your people find you because they're like, oh my God. Uh, where we're soul people like you, you and me, we get on like a house on fire.
Right? So my brand. Whenever I've done any of the brand archetype quizzes. It is always the outlaw. There is actually a brand. Archetype called the outlaw or it's [00:18:00] called the rebel or it's the, um, revolutionist is another way to say it. Right. And this is for both my controversial as fuck podcast, but also my brand overall as Holly wild, even as I'm getting into like, obviously offering spinal energetics or when I've done root cause therapy, any kind of like alternative healing modality, I've still leaned very strongly into that outlaw brand. By being very like rebel non-conformance we do things differently around here.
We are the opposite of mainstream. I don't give a shit what the government is telling you to do with your body. It's not fucking working. Let's do something different. No, you don't have to do talk therapy for 20 years to be able to get to the root cause there are much more efficient ways. No, you don't have to take tablets for the rest of life.
If you choose to, that's completely fine, zero judgment, but you don't have to. There are ways to get to the root cause. So I've leaned heavily into that rebel outlaw archetype. And the reason why I'm talking about this actually, first of all, go [00:19:00] through what that means. And then I'm going to explain the reason why I'm talking about that and what can be a shadow side of that, that I've noticed in myself.
So I've got some notes here. So the outlaw archetype is very rebellious, very non-conformance. We are known as risk takers. You will likely be a high risk taker if you harness this. Like energy within you. And I'm not going to lie. As I said, I reckon 99.9% of you would resonate strongly with the rebel. Outlaw archetype.
In fact, Google it, Google it and read all of the traits and you'll be like, holy shit. They're describing me. Um, Harley Davidson is a brand that is a big outlaw archetype brand. Uber is another one. Think of how disruptive Uber was to. Your typical cab to your taxes? They were so disruptive. They went against the grain.
They introduced something that no one had thought of before. That people would have just been like, if, if you had heard about the concept of Uber, like way, way, way before it became a thing, we'd all be like, what the [00:20:00] crap who's going to jump into a car with a stranger or who's going to get their food. Delivered to their door. Of their house by complete stranger.
Like they could have their hand in your food. Like we just thought of all who heard it, but there was so disruptive. Um, another one is diesel diesel was a very non-conformance outlaw kind of brand. We tend to be the free spirits, the rule breakers, where we can be more combative, right. Controversial as fuck is a combative. Podcast.
I own it.
It is combative. Some of the things my guests have said, some of the things I've said, like you think about it. I've stood strongly and said, I don't agree with forcing pronoun usage. Whether that's in the workplace in schools, on social media. I've also said that I think everyone has a right to put pronouns up if that's what they want to do. And then I've also said with that, I look at that and I will judge that he comes my judgment. And I [00:21:00] think that you are likely a bit of a people pleaser.
If you have, if you're clearly a man and you have he him in your profile, one, I think your pussy whipped too. I think your. Way too feminine. This is just my own internal judgments. We're going to get into it. I think you're a bit of a snowflake and I think you're a chronic people pleaser either. You're in a relationship with a woman who dominates and controls you. Or you think that it's cool to do that?
Like your, your, like this cool feminist man, who's going to get more pussy. You're going to get more women out there. No. Most feminine women will think you are gross. Right? So that's, that's my internal judgment, right? I've I've said that how combative is that to say that's very combative. I'm not saying it to hurt.
I'm saying this is my perception of it. Right. I've also said things about the feminist movement. I'm not a feminist. I am not a raging feminist. I can understand why the feminist movement began. I think maybe there are some good things that have come of it. Possibly. But I think there's been a lot of [00:22:00] crap that has come from it.
I've also said, and this is very combative that it has gone way too far, that it's now pushing things like, um, we need to compete with men bullshit. No, we don't. That women are better being, and this is just my perception of it. That women are better at being very masculine. No, that ruins our adrenals that ruined down nervous system.
It fucks up our relationships with men. And I just don't think that's healthy to know that's combative by saying that. I also think that for instance, Part of that came about the, um, oh my God. What's it called? I was about to call it the obesity movement. The body type movement, the.
Let's all promote obesity.
I can't think of what it's cold. Let me Google it. I've just typed in what is the obesity movement called? It's just coming up as fat acceptance movement. That is not what it is. It's like the all body types movement.
I can't think what it's called, but you know what I'm talking about, right. I understand, and I agree that there are so many [00:23:00] different shapes and sizes out there and that. Body shaming is gross. Right. But what I don't agree with is glorifying obesity and saying that it's just big boned. Or the worst thing I've seen is saying that it's a curvy woman.
That's not curves, that's bloody obesity. And that is like death bed stuff. Right. That is combative to say in this day and age, body positive on the go just came to me. I don't think that there's a huge amount that is actually positive about the body positive movement. Other than saying, there are different shapes and sizes and do not shame somebody do not mock them.
I don't agree with mocking somebody who is overweight. Like they're already likely feeling shit. If they're really obese, do not mock them. I don't agree with that. Right. But what I also don't agree with is glorifying it and having it all over. You know, magazines and social media and saying that this is beautiful and know the [00:24:00] human being is beautiful.
The soul is beautiful, but their body. Um, this is combative. I understand, but their body is a severely over base. Individually is not beautiful. There is nothing beautiful about that. And I think if that is promoted, Like that is sick. I think it's sick because you are promoting deaths for another human being. And yeah, so obviously combative.
Okay. Combative is part of being a rebel brand or a outlaw brand. Right. And that the archetype. So the reason why I talk about this and again, just Google. What, what the rebel. Archetype means there's so much more out there. The reason why I bring this up is because. This is probably why you were drawn to this podcast, right?
You'd likely see yourself in that you likely love brands and people that are more rebellious that are risk takers that are seen as you know, on the fringes of society. The non-conformance right. With that can also come self-righteousness. This is [00:25:00] a shadow side of this brand that I have found within myself.
And by the way, I am going to link this back with the whole thing about judgements and why I am way more accepting of people judging me now, and way more accepting of me being judgmental.
Okay. It'll make sense. But. So self-righteousness. Let's talk about judgments first though. And then I'll bring it back to this self-righteousness so we all judge every single human being on the planet judges. And I think that we're when we're in constant fear of what someone might say about us. To the point that we shut our mouths and we shut down our throat. And we shut down whatever truth it is that we hold about the world or about systems, you know, whatever it might be. That. We are. Shutting down our soul. And not just that, but we're also stopping the chance for our soul people to find us, especially if you have a brand a business.
Now I've mentioned this before in [00:26:00] episode two. So go right back to the beginning of my podcast. If you haven't listened to episode two, Tell you the title of it.
It's cold. Oh, it's not too. Sorry. Number one. Good thing. I looked this up. It's definitely not number two. That's the gender pronouns one. No one it's called lead the way thought leaders let's redefine the conversation. One of the things I mentioned in that is just because you have a brand or a business or a platform does not mean you have to speak about every single social issue out there, political issue, every drama in the world, like you under no obligation to speak about everything out there, right?
I'm under no obligation to speak about everything, except for the fact that I have a controversial podcast. So it would be extremely wonky and weak of me to then not discuss things that are deemed as controversial, which is what I said in the abortion episode. I wasn't particularly comfortable speaking about abortion.
It's not the most comfortable conversation for me to have. I don't enjoy it at all, but obviously I do have a responsibility to talk about controversial and taboo topics because that's what my whole goddamn [00:27:00] podcast is about. Right. It's there for you and I to have discussions and discourse and going back and forth on. Very controversial and uncomfortable topics.
Right. So if someone else though, is a coach on. No, let's just think of a florist. If somebody is a florist and they have an Instagram account, that's all about their floristry. And they've got a website and maybe they're on Tik TOK. Do I think they have an obligation to speak about abortion? No. It would be so jarring for their audience. It would be such a put off for their audience. Right. It would be weird. I would probably be like, what the crap, I don't think I want to buy flowers from you. Why are you discussing all of these things? On your social media account when you are a florist and I just want to buy flowers from you. To give to my friends.
Like it would be jarring. Whereas if I didn't. It would be week. Okay. So there's a difference. So when I speak about. You know, if we hold. Brands [00:28:00] and businesses and platforms that, you know, if, when I say. That if you're shutting down your truth, right? That you're shutting down the chance for your soul people to find you. I like within context, right?
I'm not telling you that if you have some random business that you need to be speaking on the topics that I speak on, that's not the case. So instead make it applicable to your life, to your own private life. Or if you do have a platform like me, when you can speak on topics like this, then obviously make it applicable to you. But we all judge. One of the things that turned things around for me this year was when I realized, and by the way, I want to give a shout out to a guy who doesn't know I exist, but he's a legend. Peter crone, C R O N E I think is his last name. If you've never heard of him looking up on YouTube and watch his stuff, binge his stuff. He's known as a mind architect and I can see why. He can literally chop up your fricking mind. And [00:29:00] your view of the world in seconds, he's incredible at it.
And one of the things that he actually pointed out in one of his videos, and it just, it was the right timing in my life to receive it because how do I heard that years ago? It wouldn't have landed for me. And one of the things he said, and I'll paraphrase here is that. It's so easy to judge another person because we're looking at that individual from the lens of ourselves. From the lens of our life experience from the lens of our moral compass, from the lens of, you know, Our failures, our successes, our everything, right. So it is so easy to judge another person and be like, I wouldn't do that. And this is why I'm going to tie it back to the self-righteousness that can come with being a nonconformist or rebel, an Outlaws, someone who is a rule breaker, someone who's a fringe dweller right on the. On the outskirts of society, we don't want to be part of the crew that is seen [00:30:00] as normal.
Normal to us makes us want to vomit. It makes us want to run far, far away. If I feel like. I'm around too many people who just want to gossip all the time and just want to talk about the weather. I literally stopped to feel my entire body just like, I'm not even kidding you constricts. And I want to scream.
It's like, I just want to get it out and I want to run far away and you will likely resonate. So this is where I'm talking about. The self-righteousness can come up and I'll get, I'm going to give you my own examples. This may make you love me or hate me, but I'm literally going to give you my own internal dialogue of what goes on inside my mind. But yeah, one of the things is it is very easy to judge another woman looking at them from the lens of ourselves. Think of it this way.
And this is what I got from what Peter crone said. If we were that particular individual, we would be doing life exactly the same as them. That can be a hard pill to swallow because some of the things we see in this world, A parent. [00:31:00] Absolutely disgusting. Uh, Very, um, violent. Some of the lead is in this world that we look at.
We're like, what. Uh, BB BBB fill in the blank and we'd be like, I could do a better job than that. The thing is if you actually, where that individual, if I actually was that individual that is doing things that we might deem as shocking. We actually would be doing the exact same thing. And I know that that can be hard to take like pictures of someone that you're not a fan of. You might be like, no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't know you wouldn't. As you let's acknowledge that I wouldn't as me. But if we were them living their exact life with all of their life experience, the exact same upbringing, everything exactly the same.
We would be doing the exact same thing. We would be living the exact same life. We wouldn't be making the exact same decisions. When I heard that [00:32:00] it took this sizzle out. When I looked at another human being where I was judging them or being self-righteous and pedis tooling myself as better. Let me give you an example.
Okay. This, this is where I can be. Self-righteous I'm just going to acknowledge it. I can be very self-righteous I competitor store myself above another. It is something that I have to check in myself constantly. Like it is a constant thing. I think part of it. Truthfully stemmed from having that very religious upbringing.
That was in a very controlling church because we were taught that we as a church, not as. Just Christians all around the world, know our church. We were taught that us, the 50 odd people in our church were there to save the world that we were hand selected by God, basically to save all of humanity. And the burden laid on us.
So that's a very self-righteous way to look at the world. It was just like, I am here. I'm, God's chosen individual. I'm one of his warriors and one of his soldiers have picked [00:33:00] to save the world. Therefore, my life is going to be hard and probably dark, and I'm going to have everything coming at me because the devil. Satan is going to come after me to try to stop me, but know I'm a strong soldier of God, right.
That type of thing. Very self-righteous very pedestal. And even though I don't believe any of that, that I was taught growing up and I don't hold those views anymore. It's still there in me because now I'm more of the outlaw rebel. Nonconformist don't tell me what to do kind of person that, that software righteousness creeps in.
So give you an example. As I said, I'm really outing myself here. Let's say 2020. Well here in Perth, Western Australia, it was probably more around 2021. We didn't have mask mandates originally. We didn't have huge stay-at-home orders and stuff, but they came into play at some point. So.
When we had the mask mandates, I did not wear a mask.
Right. So I went straight to a doctor and I got a certificate to [00:34:00] say that I was not going to be wearing a mask. And thankfully I got a certificate so that if I was ever asked for it, which I was, I could be like, yeah, I've got a. I've got a certificate. I'm not, not wearing a mask. Right. It's part of that outlaw in me of like, I'm not doing this now.
I know someone listening to this podcast. If this is the first thing they heard. And if they were very pro how the government handled things very pro. You know, forcing people to have the jazz, very pro having four masks on and all of that shit. They would see me as the enemy. And before I jumped them, I understand, I understand.
I would be seen as a massive threat to their life. Right. If they were genuinely scared of COVID and they thought that the government handled everything perfectly. And that we all needed to just shut up and obey orders and stay home and glove. No glove up mask up. When we go out and all of those things I would be seen as a threat to their health. Right because I am [00:35:00] not jumped and I am not wearing your mask.
Right. So I understand. And again, If I was them, I would have thought the same. I would have viewed someone like me. As an absolute asshole and as someone that was threatening their livelihood, threatening their life, threatening their loved ones. As someone that is just purely selfish. Right. So I understand. Thanks to Peter quarry.
I understand. But this was my. I'm outing myself. This was my mental dialogue. Right. So for instance, Maybe I'm driving in a car and I stop at red light right during the mask mandate enforcement in Perth, west Australia. And I look at the car next to me at the lights. And let's just say, there's someone driving in that car on their own.
There is nobody else in that car. They got the windows up, right? Nobody else. Just them. And they've got a mask on like full master up to here. My internal dialogue, my natural inclination as a judgmental human being that I'm owning my natural thought [00:36:00] process. When first viewing that individual would be like, Can you be more fucking retarded?
Like that is my internal dialogue. I understand that will repel some people. I understand that sounds combative, but I would have viewed that person. As the most retarded human being on the planet, because it's like you're in a car. You're the only one breathing in that car. Why do you have a goddamn mask on. That's my internal dialogue.
Now I can look back and I can be like, I actually understand. I mean, I don't.
Full transparency. I don't fully understand that. I still don't fully understand that. But I can understand that was scared. I could understand that maybe they had a grandmother. In a nursing home that they just visited and maybe they still had the mask on from visiting. And they were that used to having a mask on all the time that it just happened to still be on in the car. I could understand that maybe a loved one had just passed away and they were so scared of the [00:37:00] world and they would, so this is actually making me emotional when you can actually sit in their viewpoint. It helps to understand people more.
Right. And, and instead of being a judgy asshole who thought they were the most retarded person on the, on the planet? I can actually look at them with grace and be like, wow, they must be really frightened. Genuinely frightened. And I would be seen as arch enemy. Number one. I understand another thing during COVID was I was heavily pregnant. And I obviously wasn't wearing a mask and I was walking through the streets and I was about to go into a subway. I was doing Uber eats deliveries whilst pregnant, by the way, I was doing that to earn extra money.
So I was doing Uber eats deliveries at that time in my life. And I remember crossing the road from my car to go and get this order for someone for an Uber it's delivery. And I was about to walk into a subway near my home. And there was two gentlemen. I'll call them gentlemen. I'm guessing they'll probably late sixties, early seventies.
They was sitting on a park bench, right? Just in the street. Just the two of them. They both were massed up and [00:38:00] they were talking. I walked towards them without a mask on. And I smiled. And one of them starts ranting at me fully ranting and telling me how to speak a little of a human being. I was this as well.
I was heavily pregnant. Mind you at this point, I was probably eight months pregnant. Like I had big, big ass belly. And he just started having the biggest crack at me. Very, very rude, very nasty. He was trying to shame me in front of other people in the street. Um, I just very calmly, very nicely said, oh, I've actually got a, um, Whatever they'll call it the certificate. And he's like, there's no excuse and just starts yelling.
And I said, have a nice day. And went and got the order and went and delivered it. At the time I thought you motherfucking asshole, like my God. How strong of you as a man? To be screaming at a pregnant woman because she doesn't have a mask on. Like how strong are you? None. And then now I look back and I'm like, he was so scared that he was willing to verbally abuse a woman in the streets.
Right. He was that [00:39:00] scared and listen, I know of cases of the opposite. So one of my friends. She was wearing a mask at the beach. She was not wearing a mask because she was scared of COVID. She was not wearing a mask because she was scared of people breathing on her. It was actually because she'd forgotten her sunblock.
And she had been burnt here before and had gotten like, um, you know, we can get like sun, so like between her nose and mouth mustache. You know how you can get like sunspots and stuff and it can actually cast a shadow. So as a woman, you don't not want to have sunspots and like a shadow between your nose and your mouth, where it looks like you have a mustache she'd forgotten the sunblock.
She was only going to be at the beach for a certain amount of time. And. It was during COVID. She had the mask in the car and she was like, oh, what the crap, I'm just going to wear it just here to stop this part from getting sunburned. Right. And she got abused at the beach. So from the flip side, that man that abused her, that verbally abused her. Saw her as odd enemy number one, and let's put ourselves in his shoes for a second.
I don't agree with it. I thought it was disgusting what he [00:40:00] did to her, but now let's flip it right. This man would see my friend as someone that was propping up the government that was helping to support mask mandates. It was helping to support the stay at home orders. It was helping to support the COVID jab mandates and all that kind of stuff.
Because obviously if you are someone that was against the way the government handled it, if you were against enforcing vaccine, Vaccines. If you were in against, against forcing masks, onto human beings and forcing people to stay in homes and all that kind of stuff. Anyone that did those things in a compliant manner. We could view those as the enemy, because the more that you saw people out in the streets wearing masks, it's like goddamn take your mask off.
And all of this goes away. Do you realize that if we don't comply, this all goes away. We have the PA I'm going on a rant. We have the power. The people hold the power. We hold the numbers. Right. If we don't like something, if we just don't do it. And there's enough [00:41:00] of us in big numbers, it all goes away. So in that man's mind as much as it was despicable, how he treated my friend.
And I do not agree with it at all. He would have seen my friend in that moment as an enemy. As someone that was supporting the chaos that was going on in this man's life. Right. So you can understand. As much as you don't agree. I don't agree with sitting in a car by yourself wearing a mask. I don't agree with abusing someone for wearing a mask.
And I don't agree with abusing someone for not wearing a mask. Right. People have power of choice. We get to choose for our own lives, but I'm just bringing this up because it relays back to judgment. When we actually sit and look at the individual, we are judging. And start to think, hang on. If I lived their exact existence, I would be acting the same way. It is a redundant conversation to actually say I would not do that.
It's like apples and oranges.
It makes zero sense. It does not [00:42:00] even like it's redundant.
Sure. What's that got to do with it though? You're not that person. I'm not that person sitting in a car. It's easy for me to be like, I wouldn't do that. Ms. Self-righteous over here, Ms. Non-conformance government. Can't tell me what to do. I am a rebel. I wouldn't wear a mask in a car. Okay. That's redundant Holly.
It has nothing to do with that. Person's existence. That individual is wearing a mask for some reason. In their car. And as much as I don't necessarily agree with it. And I think they're supporting the government. I don't know the full context. I don't know the full story. I don't know the upbringing. I don't know their morals.
I don't know. I don't know anything about them, other than it looks like they're scared or they've just forgotten it's on. That's all I know. And you know what, that's not even the full story. It helps to break down that sizzle of self-righteousness and of judgment. So, yes, I'm still a judgy human being. Right.
When I saw people sitting in a car with a mask on. I either thought, as I said, that that would [00:43:00] most retarded human being on the planet, or I thought. I'm being punked. One of my friends is sitting in that car right now and they're punking me. They're trying to spin me out. That was where my mind went.
Right. I was just like, I am being punked. Are you one of my friends? Do I know this car? Have I seen this car before? Right. It was like that kind of mindset. Another derogatory way that I would have judged them was I probably would look at them and think. You're a very boring human being. You're probably the type that only has sex in missionary. Right. So far, I just attitude and listen, I'm not suggesting these things. Don't still come to me. And this is why I'm trying to normalize this.
No, you don't have to have the same intrusive thoughts that I have. I know you don't have to voice them. I just did. But let's just normalize judgments, judgments, a normal, it is normal to have an instant reaction to things. We don't agree with it. I'm not saying let's all just condone everything. No, it is normal as a human being to judge.
It is normal. Uh, [00:44:00] to have viewpoints that might be different to a lot of other people. We don't have to pretend that we're not judgmental. What I am saying though. Is then once that initial judgment has come up into our mind. Then let's go deeper and let's just start to think what's underneath this. Why am I judging them? One of the things that often comes up for me when I'm being really judgmental is what is it about them or what they're doing or saying that is triggering something in me that I'm not accepting. I'll give you an example.
There was a woman that I know I won't go into details, who there's a woman that I know that I have often judged very, very strongly. You won't know who this person is by the way at all. They're not famous or anything, but someone that I've judged very strongly because of the way that they spoke to the husband. Right.
I used to find it disgusting. They would critique. The way that their husband ate all the time and publicly and loudly, they would critique his weight. They would critique. The foods that he was [00:45:00] choosing, how much he was eating, how often he was eating, they would constantly demasculate the man, like, honestly, it was gross.
It would just rile me up. And I'm like, I can't sit here and listen to this and act like this is okay. And I used to get so judgmental to the point that I was like, I just can't handle being around this human being now that's okay to decide that certain people can't be in your life for whatever reason.
Okay. That's. I'm not discussing that. But after a while, I started to think early this year, what is it about her and this situation, these really getting to me, like really getting to me. And I started to evaluate, and this is another personal share. Oh, God, this was meant to be short. It's getting so long, but another personal share where I was realizing what it was. I was judging her and getting extremely self-righteous because I'm not a controlling woman. Let me elaborate.
It is never in my entire life being reflected back to me in intimate [00:46:00] relationships that I am controlling. Right. I'm not a controlling woman as in, I don't control my significant other. I don't ask where they are. 24 7. What time are you going to get home? 24 7. If they're out with friends, I'm not like texting every five seconds.
Where are you? What are you doing? Right. I'm not like, um, I dunno, I can't even think I'm just not a controlling woman. And I think that comes from I'm quite independent. Right. So I would hate that in reverse don't control me. But. I can. At times as a feminine woman, being more of my masculine, I have very feminine qualities and very masculine qualities.
I definitely have both. Every human being on the planet has both masculine and feminine by the way. Some women are extremely feminine, feminine, and are predominantly in their feminine, right? Some men are extremely masculine and predominantly in their masculine. I definitely have both. Right. And I think part of it was, I was extremely [00:47:00] feminine growing up.
And then when I left the very religious upbringing and was a police officer, I definitely went more into that hyper independence masculine, obviously as a police officer, you're very much in your masculine as a woman. It's hard to remain in that feminine essence all the time. And then when I came out of that, I had to learn over time and I'm still learning to balance both of those qualities because I love my femininity, but I also love my masculine. traits of like consistency and discipline and strength and resilience and all those things.
I love those qualities, but I also loved my feminine qualities. Right. But to get back to the example, I realized, no, I'm not a controlling woman. So therefore I was judging her as like, you are a control freak, and it's gross. Right. And I'm not that, so that's, self-righteousness came out. But I realized within there I can control situations. And I can get heavily into my masculine when I'm not around a man that he's super masculine. So if I'm in a relationship and that partner of mine is [00:48:00] very, very masculine.
I natural naturally will be very, very in my feminine, predominantly. But if I'm in a relationship with a man who's not necessarily super masculine all the time, I can definitely ebb and flow. But when I am in my masculine too much, that can come with combativeness, which also comes from the rebel app archetype, obviously.
So that can rear its head in a relationship. Uh, control, but not controls. And I'm controlling them controllers in. If I feel like a man is not taking the lead and not like, you know, being very masculine and just being assertive and making decisions and doing all those types of things, then I naturally will step into that.
And then I, for I'm taking control of the situation, I'm making the decisions all the time. And I don't like that in myself. I can also be a lot more critical, right? When I'm way too, in my masculine, in a relationship, these are all things I don't like about myself. I don't, I don't like that part of myself.
And it's something where I've realized in order for me to have a [00:49:00] really healthy relationship and to take full responsibility of myself. I am much better suited being in relationship with a very, very masculine man who does naturally want to take the lead, who does naturally want to make decisions. And. You know, have that assertiveness and that strength and that resilience and that stoicism at times and all those things.
Right. So I was actually judging her, even though I still don't agree with her, her behaviors. I still don't agree with them looking at them from the lens of me. But I understand that if I was her, I'd be doing the exact same thing. Exact same thing. But. Even though. With all of that in mind, I realized I'm predominantly judging her because I'm projecting a part of myself that I'm not accepting. And then I don't want to see. And I don't want to admit, I don't like admitting that I can be combative, that I can control situations that I can try to take the lead too much or that I can. Be too assertive and too critical.
And just all those [00:50:00] things about a woman that aren't great. If you're in a relationship with a man it's gross. And I saw that in her and I didn't want to see it in me. And isn't that interesting when I actually knowledged it within myself and was like, holy shit, I am projecting on her because of stuff I'm not accepting.
And I actually started to look at it within myself and start to evaluate why do I have those particular qualities and how can I mitigate the chances of those qualities becoming too strong in myself again? And actually started to do work on those parts of myself that I was refusing to see or acknowledge.
And now I understand and I accept them and I see them for what they are. And I don't shun them to the parts of myself that will never be seen or never see the light of day. And instead I'm like, I see you. I understand why I built you. I understand why I built that strong discipline in that. Stoicism to some degree and that ability to have to [00:51:00] take control of a situation.
Great quality is a police officer. I can understand why I'm able to be assertive and to dominate a situation. And I can understand why I'm able to take control of a situation able to lead again. Great qualities as a police officer. But they aren't great qualities in a relationship with a strong man. And if I want to be in a relationship with strong man, I needed to accept those parts of myself, that they are there.
Thank them for how much they contributed to parts of my life, where I needed them. For instance, having strong resilience has gotten me so far, but there's a point where.
I would rather be in a partnership with a man who has even stronger resilience than me truthfully. So thank them. Be grateful for them, understand why I built those parts of myself, brick by brick, and I'm grateful for them. And that makes me emotional. But you don't need to now be dominant. You don't need to be dominant parts of myself.
I see you. And now we're going to soften, right. And that's been a [00:52:00] big journey in 2024. Huge. Way more in my feminine than I used to be. That's for sure. But a lot of that came about realizing I am judging another human being for something that I'm not accepting in myself. So, this is why I wanted to talk about this.
I wanted to go through my process of how my intrusive thoughts come into my mind. I'm not pretending I'm not judgmental. And that's why I wanted to say that if. If you hear someone say, I am not judgmental. I would not trust that individual because they are not accepting parts of themselves. They're not accepting their own judgments. They're not accepting it.
Right. They would see me as extremely judgemental and they would see me as a threat. Right. Probably because they're not accepting the judgments that they hold in themselves. So let's not pretend that we're not judgmental. We are, but let's once we hear those intrusive thoughts of like the ones that I had them. You fucking retard.
Why are you wearing a mask in car by yourself? Right? The intrusive thoughts come out. All right. We're judging. What's going on, Holly. You're being a [00:53:00] self-righteous asshole. Why are you being self-righteous what, in this situation, do you not know? What in this situation, do you not understand? Because it is redundant for you to say, I wouldn't do that.
It has nothing to do with the situation has nothing to do with them. If you were them, you'd be doing the exact same thing. You'd be doing the exact same thing. How much of a sizzle does that take out of the way we view people, but also why I'm so much more welcoming of judgments coming my way, because it has nothing. To do with me. Has nothing to do with me. If someone doesn't like my tone of voice, if someone doesn't like the way I look, if someone doesn't like the words that I use. If somebody doesn't like the topics that I speak on, like I've had someone message me early on before I even started this podcast.
When they knew the title of the podcast, they didn't even know what topics I was fully discussing yet. Right. Originally. And then when they found out the first, um, like when I launched the first week of this podcast, I listed on Instagram that just the titles of the [00:54:00] actual episodes, right. With the first three or four episodes. I'm going to message from someone quite close to me at the time that basically let me know in not a horrible way, by the way, I acknowledge that.
But let me know that they were very uncomfortable. With the topics that I would be discussing, they didn't even know what my thoughts were on it. They didn't even know what my stance was on any of those topics. Just the fact that I was going to be discussing them on my podcast, made them very nervous, very anxious.
They were not happy about it. And they let me know. They let me know that, you know, If I had a certain stance that went against theirs, it was not going to be okay. And, you know, at first I was like, what the crap, like. What the crap, I would never, he comes to my judgment. I would never do that to somebody.
I would never message someone and be like, you cannot discuss that topic. It makes me uncomfortable. Who gives a flying fuck. Like, I would never say that to someone, but guess what? That's redundant. Has nothing to do with it. They did say that and it makes sense for them and their life. It makes sense.
I [00:55:00] don't agree, but that's okay. And this is why I welcome. Now. It doesn't always make me comfortable. There will be some judgements. There's already been some judgments. It's like, we didn't have to say that, you know, you have to be awake up, but at the same time, it's okay. It's okay. I have a combative podcast.
I speak on very controversial topics. I can be controversial in my own language in the way that I speak in words that I use. I understand that. And I welcome that because I know that is, it is a chance for human beings, just like it is for me. I do go through our own process and to be like, why am I judging so much? So I welcome it.
And I hope that what I'm hoping you get out of this is one. To evaluate why you might be judging someone else what's underneath it. It's purely for our own self-growth and our own learning. What is underneath it? Why does someone make your skin crawl so much? What is it? What is it maybe in yourself that you're not fully accepting, that you're not allowing to see the light of day that you don't want to admit about yourself? To maybe there's [00:56:00] someone close to you that you've been really judgmental about and it actually has nothing to do with them.
And it's all about you. And it's all about me and our own projections, but three, it helps us to have more understanding of the other individual and being like, you know, what, if I walked your exact life, I'd be doing the same thing. It doesn't matter if I say I wouldn't. They're two completely different life experiences. And lastly.
I hope that this now also takes away. Any fear that you may hold and you may not, but any fear or any, you know, anything that comes up where you're like, I don't want people to judge me. Because guess what? You can't stop that it is normal. People are going to have intrusive thoughts about you. PYP intrusive thoughts about me all the time.
I guarantee it. It's okay. It's okay. It's water off a Duck's back. It has nothing to do with me, and it has nothing to do with you. So I hope you get something out of that. [00:57:00] This was meant to be sure I had legit thought this was going to be a 15 minute episode. This has been an hour. Holy shit. I can talk.
I hope you enjoyed this. I love your guts. I'm going to go. I need to have lunch.
I have a great week legends. Bye.
THE SHOW
