Ep. 57 | They’ll Criticise You Anyway, So Speak Louder
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hey legend. In our last episode, we talked about the power of political incorrectness. I love that topic and we spoke about how speaking boldly disrupts the status quo.
And it also exposes lies because we don't want lies being turned into laws, but today we're actually going to get more personal. So we're going to take this a step further this episode, isn't just about boldness in general. It's about what happens after you speak your truth. So last week's episode was all about speaking your truth and. Embracing political incorrectness as your superpower. This week, what happens after you speak your truth?
How do you handle that inevitable criticism that follows? Because trust me, it will follow it a hundred percent follows and also how to thrive in the face of resistance. This is something that. I've fully embraced in the last six months. I mean, fully embrace. So I can definitely speak to this quite strongly.
So last week was about reclaiming your power in a system that wants to keep you quiet. So by embracing your political [00:01:00] incorrectness and speaking in the face of fear, But this week, it's about holding that power, holding your presence, holding your voice, not backing down when the backlash inevitably comes, because as I said, it's a hundred percent going to come. And it's about using the criticism to actually sharpen your voice and amplify your impact. I am not one of those individuals or one of those coaches who will say to ignore the haters. I actually don't agree with that or to say, to silence them. Or to just block everybody who criticizes what you say or who disagrees with you or who is a hater or a troll. unless. The only time I've only ever blocked one person that I can literally think of in the last, what is it?
Six, seven months we've had this podcast. And that was because they wished death on me. Outside of that, I actually will not block anybody and I do not delete anybody's comments. And the reason is. My message is not [00:02:00] to shout them down. My message is not to silence them or to just ignore them. I. That's not my message.
My message is use that as fuel. Use it as an absolute weapon to fuel your mission even further. Yeah, I see it very differently to most. So let's get into this episode.
Plus, I'm also actually going to read out some comments that I've received and these aren't even the worst of them.
Some of these are quite funny, but just to give you an example of what I get regularly, like this is quite regularly. Some of them are older and some of them are more recent, but I've alluded to the fact that criticism is inevitable. The moment that you decide to stop shrinking. If you're not getting criticized in some element of your life, you are shrinking yourself.
Because the minute they actually begin to speak your truth, even if it's edgy, even if it's polarizing, even if it's super uncomfortable, someone somewhere is going to have a problem with it. It's impossible for everybody to agree with you. [00:03:00] And it's not the goal. I think a lot of people look at this in the wrong way.
They think that the goal is to have everybody agree with you otherwise, oh, it's, it's, I've got to stay in my comfort zone. That's too uncomfortable. The goal is never to have everybody agree with you. If that's your goal, it is a losing battle. You are going to lose. That should not be the goal. The goal is to speak, even though everybody's not going to agree with you.
And that is okay because we're not trying to force everybody in the world to actually think the way that we think we're not trying to create minions. , we're not trying to force people to agree with everything that we say that is never the goal. But if people have a problem with you, or if people have a problem with what you're saying, that is not yours to carry. It is not yours.
Their problem is proof that your voice is actually shaking something within them that they don't want to face. And stick with me. I'm going to go through the psychology behind this. I'm going to go quite in depth into this because.
I can [00:04:00] hand on heart say that it takes a lot for criticism to get to me these days. And it never gets to me when it comes from a complete stranger. Like, I'm going to read some of these things out. And they're really quite funny to me. They are honestly water off a Duck's back, unless it comes from someone I'm highly, highly respect, which is not very many people in this world.
If I'm honest, If I highly respect somebody and I'm very close with them. Then their words can absolutely sting me a thousand percent. They can sting me if it's outside of that, they have no power over me because of what we're going to get into in this episode. So we actually live in a world where people would rather criticize the bold, the brave, the courageous, the disruptors.
It's so much easier to criticize them than to face their own silence.
And I just want to point out that if you are playing small to avoid the heat, to avoid the fire, to avoid the criticism, you're not actually protecting yourself. You are betraying [00:05:00] yourself. I alluded to this in last week's episode, when I spoke about being politically incorrect and where you actually lose yourself, respect every time you shut your mouth down.
When you know, there's something that you should be saying in whatever realm in your life relationship. Ships friendships could be intimate relationships or friendships or family could be with coworkers, could be with your boss, or it could be with people that work for you. It, whatever it is. Every single time.
We know there's something that we should be saying, and we don't say it. We are eroding our self-trust and we're rooting our self-respect. We are betraying ourselves. It's the same. If you are avoiding the heat on social media. So you water yourself down to avoid the heat. You are betraying yourself. So today I want to dive into why criticism is not your enemy. Promise you that if someone's telling you to just ignore it, just, just block everybody.
I that's not my message. Instead, handle it without losing your voice. Handle it. [00:06:00] Without making it mean something about you. Handle it and use it as fuel to just, I mean, honestly, I've used it as rocket fuel. For this podcast for what I feel like I'm here to do on earth and for services that are coming, I use the criticism as fuel the loudest critics out there are often the most afraid of what you represent. It's not about you, it's about what you're representing and it highlights something within themselves that they are not willing to face and that they're not comfortable with.
Here's the thing that I love about criticism.
I actually love this. It is proof that you're disrupting the status quo. Again, if you are not getting any criticism at all in life, you are not disrupting the status quo. And maybe that's not your mission in life. Maybe you just listened to this podcast because you enjoy the conversations you enjoy. Different worldviews and different perspectives.
Maybe you don't have something where you're like, my mission is to disrupt the status quo. That's [00:07:00] cool. But still don't silence yourself in your everyday relationships. Criticism is not a red flag to stop. It's actually a green light to keep going. I look at criticism in the exact same way that I look at fear. I used to see fear as like a red light.
It's like, oh God, this is too scary. It's too edgy. It's a no, it's a no. And then I was like, you know what? It's not a no. I'm just being a little pussy. It's actually a green light. It's a go, it's a keep going. It just feels uncomfortable. And that's okay. It's the same with criticism. If you get criticism, you see people that instantly break the moment they get criticism and it's like, they just stopped, whatever it was that they doing, that they were doing, they stopped speaking on whatever it was. They stop, whatever.
Maybe it's a service and it's a disruptive service and they get criticism online. And then all of a sudden that service has gone. It's like, it's not criticism is not a red light. It is a green light. It means you are actually disrupting the status quo, [00:08:00] which is an incredible thing. Nobody criticizes, invisible people. Why would they.
If you're being criticized, it means you're actually being noticed.
I mean, you're being heard, you're being felt.
And isn't that the point. Isn't that the actual point, I don't speak on this podcast just for the fun of it.
I mean, it is fun. Don't get me wrong. But I also, I want my words to land. I want it to be felt I wanted to be heard. I want my guests to be heard and to be felt that's the whole point it's to have an impact so big that people can not ignore it. Which means it will come with a fuck ton of criticism. It's inevitable.
But as I said, criticism, isn't about you.
It's about them. When someone says, who does she think she is? What they're really saying is why can't I be that brave? She's too big for her boots. What they're really saying is why can't I fit in those boots? [00:09:00] Why can't I do that and they may not consciously be thinking that. It's usually unconscious, but if they're saying who the crap do they think they are? It's highlighting that they wish they were that brave.
Usually it is way more painful for someone to go within for that introspection.
So much more painful. Attacking is so much easier. That's why we see a lot of it on social media, attacking somebody else's is the easy route. Looking within is hard. It's painful. And it's only for the brave and most people that are spreading hate online. Aren't brave. They're choosing the easy route.
It has nothing to do with you.
So, I just want to challenge your perspective for a second. I want you to think about somebody that you really admire most. Are they silent? I think about someone maybe on social media or wherever that you really, really admire and that you really respect and look up to. Are they silent? Are they safe? [00:10:00] I highly doubt it. They've likely been dragged through the mud and that's why they remembered people that are remembered. Have faced a lot of criticism. Every single revolutionary idea out there, every disruptive leader, think of somebody in industry that you're in. Every bold move in history has faced resistance.
Why do you think it's going to be any different for you? Why do you think that you're going to be the exception to the rule? Because you're not. I guarantee you are not going to be the exception at all. Resistance is actually your initiation. And when you move through that, especially if you're not used to getting criticism. If it does come in a barrage all at once, it is literally an initiation. And when you come through it, I swear to God, you feel so powerful and you're like, holy shit, I'm still here.
I'm still alive. Nothing's changed. It was just [00:11:00] words. It is, words are vibration. Words are energy. It's just the same as sound like music. It's a vibration, it's an energy and yes, they can be felt and they have an impact. I understand that words coming from somebody else may not be always nice. But this is why I say. Unless you respect that individual do not take it personally.
When I actually started talking about taboo topics on this podcast, I knew it would piss people off. I knew that. And it didn't disappoint. Right. The words that came to things that were said, have not disappointed. Yeah, I've been told I'm too much. I'm too opinionated. I need to stick to safer topics. Did it sting? No, it actually didn't, unless it came from somebody again that are highly respected. And then I loved. Outside of that.
It does not steam because every piece of criticism was actually a reminder that I'm not here to blend in. I'm not.
I'm not [00:12:00] here to be digestible. I'm not here to be polite. That's not my life mission. That's not my life goal.
I know that I'm here to disrupt.
And if nobody's pissed off, I'm not actually being bold enough. I want to read you and look, as I said, I've just written down a few. I went through just for this episode, I went through some of my social media accounts. And write down a few things that I've been said or called or comments that have been on a few like reels, for instance, some are older, some are more recent or some of the video clips on Tik TOK. This is not an exhaustive list.
There are thousands. I could go through. Over the last six, seven months, but he's just a few. And I want you to imagine that these have been said to you, how would you feel? And I'm going to tell you at the end, how I actually feel genuinely. You're a pick me that was often said when I spoke about how I'm not a feminist, most people would say, oh, you're a pick me as in, you're just trying to be picked by every man out there. [00:13:00] Actually quite love that line now.
Uh, you have internalized Ms.
Misogyny. So I'm a misogynous, just in case you didn't know. You love to be ignorant and wrong. Okay, babe, you're excluded. I'm curious, actually what I'm excluded from, and this ties into this episode of, and even last week's one where.
in us as humans, we love to be long. We love to feel like we're part of a group.
We're part of a community we're part of the in club. You see this played out in high school. That's probably the best. Place I could think of that will show you where we have this innate desire to belong. It comes from tribal days, where if you didn't belong in the community, you're literally an outcast and you're going to die.
Like you're not going to get food. You're not going to get shelter. You're not going to get protection, all the things, right. We have that innate desire to belong. One of, and to me, this, again, as I said, I'm going off on a [00:14:00] tangent, as I said, people's comments and people's words, aren't about you. This to me, highlights for this individual that one of their highest needs in life is to be long and is to not be excluded. That to them, I would say is one of their biggest driving factors in life.
And one of their biggest fees, they do not want to be excluded. They do not want to be seen as a Weedo as an outcast, as too disruptive, as too different from the status quo that would unnerve them. This is what I mean. He was comments on about you. So they've said, okay, babe, you're excluded. Like, that's a big fear for them.
That's not a fucking fear for me. Like clearly I don't care about whatever group you're excluding me from. I don't want to be a part of your group. It's never about you. Trust me. Ah, here we go. 45 year old cat lady. I'm more of a dog person. If I'm honest. Entitled woman. Yeah, I would agree. I I'm entitled.
I think I'm entitled to a [00:15:00] fucking lot in this life. Genuinely, but I'm not waiting for permission to go and get it. I take it. I take what I believe is rightfully mine. So yeah, I would agree. I am entitled. Your detrimental. I agree. It depends what they're referring to. I am I'm detrimental to the status quo.
I'm detrimental to playing small I'm detrimental. To shrinking ourselves
And to being little soft little caterpillars that don't want to come out of our cocoon. So yeah, it depends what you're referring to, but a lot of these, I agree with your disgusting. I could say. Yeah, I would be seen as disgusting to a lot of people and I'm okay with that because I know that I'm having an impact.
If people find me disgusting, if people find my words disgusting, that is okay. So a lot of these I'm going to be honest. I actually agree with a lot of them. Fragile little pussy. I actually don't agree with that.
I don't think I'm a fragile little pussy at all. Let's [00:16:00] get through them. Cause there's a lot. No, just know being a pick me. Isn't your best, best move. I think it's one of my best moves. You're a hundreds. Hundred percent spreading a blood libel. That was from when I spoke about, uh, how I'm not a fan of extreme Zionism.
So yeah. Interesting.
You're not a feminist wake up and read. This is propaganda. You're anti-Semitic that also came because I, yeah. Anyway. Uh, no, sweetie. That's just what your man told you to say. Fun fact, I'm actually single. So there you go. Nice nose job.
I think I've mentioned this one before, just so you know. Even though it would be totally fine. If I did have one, I've never had a nose job. If I did, I would want to refund because let me come up to the camera. One of my nostrils is a different size and shape to the other. They're not even if this was a nose job, I would be saying to the surgeon, can you please fix my nostrils while you're at it?
They're not the [00:17:00] right. Same shape or size or whatever. This is the news. I was born with my God, but thank you for talking about my nose. You're an absolute nut job women. Like you deserve the worst. I do think I'm a nut job. I don't believe I deserve the worst though, but I do think I'm a nut job. I agree with you there.
Did he pick you honey? Lots of Pygmies. Whenever you go against the feminist movement. Holy shit. You're a pygmy apparently. Uh, stop the misinformation already. I actually think I speak out about misinformation for someone who looks old enough to know better. You sure don't know much. Who posts this horse shit seriously.
You are absolutely clueless. One of my favorites. This one really tickled my pickle. Moron except they wrote maroon.
There's nothing better than when someone tries to have a crack at you and they spell the word wrong. Like that is just gold, a patriarchal bullshit, [00:18:00] white privileged victim. Your head's broken. Clueless Stepford wife who gave you your brain damage?
Oh, this one was brilliant. Not worth a comment. Only a block. Motherfucker. That's a comment. I don't know if you realize that is a comment. It wasn't worth a comment on your block, except you didn't just block your head to announce that you blocked me. God, I love that.
Oh, fuck. This is funny. Have you tried shitting yourself violently? I haven't. I might write that on tomorrow's agenda and I'll get back to.
I
read a book. You knuckle dragger. And here we go. This girl is broke, desperate, lazy, and dying for attention. I'm sorry, people like her exist and that we all have to pay the price for it. Guys, this is just a few. And honestly, I swear to God, none of these sting. [00:19:00] None of them hurt because they're not coming from the people that I respect and that I highly admire and that I would let speak into my life if somebody that I truly respect it.
And by the way, I have. I mean, there's lots of people I respect, but I have two people. That I have in my absolute inner, inner circle, too. Right. And out of those two people, if one of them said to me, Holly, XYZ ed. I would actually listen. I would pay a hundred percent attention and it could wound to me, it could deeply wound me from those two individuals outside of that.
I have about another five individuals who are very, very close friends of mine. That if they said something to me, I would definitely take it on board. It couldn't sting as much as the two in my inner circle, but those extra five would definitely have weight to what they say. And then outside of that, I have family and in my family, they could definitely say things that [00:20:00] could hurt for sure.
I find people that were the closest with. Could definitely sting would their words. But it still wouldn't stop me. This is the truth. It still wouldn't stop me. I would take. Some of the things they say on board. If I felt like the two people that are in my absolute inner inner circle agreed with what they said. This is how much I feel to out what people say outside of that.
You can say whatever the crap you want, and it literally bounces off. I'm not kidding you. I get, I get alerts on my phone sometimes from different social media platforms or if I go into them. So like, I don't get alerts from Tik TOK. If I go in there. There's often heaps of comments that are like, not necessarily the nicest to me. It is water off a Duck's back.
This is one of my biggest things I truly believe in having, deciding who is in your absolute inner circle. And it only be like a very small amount of people that if they said something to you about you, you would actually take it on board and [00:21:00] you'd be like, and you'd still filter it through your own self truth and see through your own like intuition, But then you would be like, okay, I'm taking it on board because it's coming from someone I highly respect and are highly trust.
And that knows me very, very well outside of that. My God it's water off a Duck's back.
I want to remind you, criticism is not about you. It's about what your boldness is waking up in other people. It is uncomfortable. If you are a bold individual, you are making people feel uncomfortable. Let me reword that actually. Cause you can't make anybody do anything. Other individuals as a response to your boldness, it's waking up something within them that they are not comfortable facing. When you speak really boldly, you actually hold up a mirror to people. You remind other people of the risks that they didn't take of the truths that are still lying, buried within themselves.
And also have the courage that they're avoiding that mirror is highlighting that to them. And let me tell you people hate [00:22:00] mirrors when they don't like what it is revealing in themselves. This, those words that I've read out. From my little scrapbook here. Revealed a lot about those individuals. It revealed a lot about what is still stored within them that they're not willing to face.
This is where shadow work comes in.
When somebody is attacking you, it is a projection. When someone says, as I said before, who the crap does, she thinks she is? They're really saying. Saying, I wish I had the guts to do what she's doing.
Again, it's not conscious. It's unconscious. They're not. Reconciled with the parts of them that aren't being brave. With the parts of them that aren't showing up to life in the way that they know that they should be in the way that they know that they're capable of. They're fearful. Therefore they're projecting their fear onto you as who the fuck does she think she is?
Most people are raised to fit in and not to stand out.
That's very evident by that comment that I read out about it's okay. You're excluded.
They've been raised to fit in, to [00:23:00] not stand out. Being excluded is likely one of the biggest fears in life. The system thrives on compliance. And when you challenge that you make people question everything that they've built their lives on. Absolutely everything. It's not about you.
It's about their fear of stepping out of line.
It's about their fear of being excluded. Their fear of being seen as the weird one. As the one that's too much for the world.
When you speak boldly. You unsettle people. It's unsettling. It hits a nerve because it makes change, feel inevitable for them. And that is scary to them. It's highly, highly scary. If you are showing people that there's another way to think. There's another way to view life. There's another way to live. There's another way to be.
You're actually forcing others to reckon with their own beliefs. You're forcing it. Your bold voice is forcing people to go within and to reckon with the parts of themselves. They haven't been, and it's terrifying for people. They would rather clean to the status [00:24:00] quo. Than to face what they're not willing to face within.
So I want to talk about how to handle criticism like a motherfucking legend. I actually do believe that I'm very good at handling criticism now. I see it as one of my strengths. I see it as one of my strongest pillars in my life now is being able to handle criticism and not in an arrogant way. As I said, if somebody in my inner circle was to say something to me, I would take it on board.
Definitely. So I'm not being reckless here of like nobody's words matter. I'm just brilliant. There's nothing about me. I need to change. Not at all. If it came from my inner circle, I'd be taking it on board and I would be making changes big time. Big time. But outside of that, it does not affect me.
When criticism reminds you of your mission, it makes you feel stronger in it. It is a driving factor. This is why I don't block people. This is why I don't delete comments. Why would I want to delete proof that I'm showing up more boldly in my life? [00:25:00] That to me is proof that I'm having an impact, that my words. Uh, disruptive that my words are making people feel uncomfortable.
The, my words are being a mirror to what other people are not willing to see within themselves. Why would I delete that to me? It's proof that I'm having an impact. It's proof that I'm not living small anymore. It's proof that I'm showing up in the way that I'm designed to show up. Why would I go and delete that?
This is why I don't agreement code to say, just block out the haters. Just delete it. You know, delete, delete, block, delete block my God. It would become a full-time job to just delete and block, delete and block, delete and block. That's not my goal. My goal is to let it be there, but still move. Anyway, my goal is not to block that out.
My goal is not to shut them down. It's not to silence them. I'm very strong on freedom of speech and that's not just my freedom to speak. It's also this it's also people who disagree with me. It's also people who hate me. It's also people who will criticize me in a not [00:26:00] very nice way. Same things like nice nose job.
You're a fragile little pussy you're discussing. You're detrimental. You're an entitled woman. You're a white privilege victim. Your head's broken. You're clueless. Have you thought about. Shitting yourself. Oh, God, I love them. Why would freedom of speech only apply to me, but not to all these people. Why would I delete them?
If they are proof? That my words are impacting people. If it is proof that my words are a mirror that is shining so brightly on to other people and revealing what they're not reckoning within themselves. I personally don't believe in deleting comments. Unless again, it is. If someone was coming for my family different, or if someone wished death on me, different, I have blocked one individual who wish death on me.
Not a very nice way outside of that. I don't give a damn I don't give a damn speak. Say your truth. Say what you believe. Remember it reveals more about you than it does about me. So [00:27:00] ground yourself in your intentions, your voice isn't random. Your voice is deliberate. You know, just random noise out there. You're speaking deliberately. You're not here to be liked. You're not speaking to be liked by the masses. You're speaking because it actually matters. What you have to say matters, what you have to say will impact people.
Something I say to myself is I don't speak to please.
I speak to impact. Therefore, when things come in, that aren't necessarily nice. They don't hurt because I'm not trying to be liked. I'm trying to impact therefore, when they're writing their comments, I know I'm impacting. That's my goal. I want to impact people's lives. I don't want to be liked by everybody. As long as my inner circle, my family and my closest friends were like this that's cool.
Outside of that. It's all good. You don't have to like me. My goal is not to make you like me. When you come at it with that lens, I'm telling you words, bounce off. [00:28:00] You. They bounce. They do not impact you.
And there's a difference between feedback and noise. And that's what I said about having a real close inner circle. Trolls don't count. That's not feedback. Internet warriors. Don't count. You know, the ones that are on their keyboards all day. I had one guy I've mentioned his name before. Uh, Jake, I'll never forget that name because it's also my younger brother's name, but Jake there's one guy on a feminist reel that I did months and months and months ago. No joke that that real went viral, got like 90 plus thousand views or something like that.
He spent a month. I shit. You not, he spent a month and no, I'm not shitting myself. I shit. You not, he spent one month. Morning and night over different weeks throughout that month. Commenting on my real, it started off with me because I responded to him and we had a little bit of back and forth and then it turned into, he got quite nasty. And it turned into other people, commenting with him [00:29:00] and he went back and forth with multiple conversations. Over days in a month period.
It was insane. I was like, this guy has so much time on his hand. I actually genuinely felt sorry for him. I was grateful for the fact that he was getting my reel spread out there even more. It was getting way more views, way more comments because of him. Thank you for the publicity, Jake, but I felt sorry for him.
Cause I was like, surely you have something better to do with your life. He was an internet warrior. He was an internet troll. It was not feedback about me. Feedback only matters when it comes from someone who's actually earned your respect that do Jake online from the opposite side of the world had not earned my respect.
I didn't know him. I knew nothing about him. I didn't respect him. He didn't respect me and that's okay. Therefore his feedback did not matter. It was just noise. It's just noise. Before you let criticism land. I want you to ask yourself, this, does this person have skin in the game? Cause, if not, let it [00:30:00] go. Is this person showing up to life in a way that you would like to show up to life?
This is why I say when I have my inner circle of only pretty much two people in that real inner, inner circle.
They're both two people are highly respect. One's a male, one's a female. There are people that have beautiful relationships that I think are gorgeous. Like they highlight how to have a beautiful, healthy relationship. They are the, like the, the guys, the. What embodiment of masculinity and just the way he moves through life.
He's my older brother, by the way, the way he moves through life. Is just. Fresh fresh kiss, French kiss. He. Chef's kiss. Fuck. Especially when I'm talking about my brother. Oh, my God that went weird. Chef's kiss. Right? My older brother, he just, just the way he speaks the energy he holds the way he moves, just everything about him.
I just really, really respect and [00:31:00] look up to him. The other person is my coach bread. I highly respect her if either of those said something to me about myself that I hadn't seen yet, I would take it on board. They have skin in the game. They show up to life in a way that I respect. They show up to their relationships and to their families in a way that I respect. Therefore I would take on what they say as feedback.
I wouldn't see it as criticism. It's different. The noise online is just criticism. Whatever. It's proof I'm showing up to life. How I've always dreamed that I would, I'm not drowning out the noise I'm moving. Despite it I'm letting it fuel me. I'm like, let's go give me more of it. Give me more criticism and it means I'm having a bigger impact.
I'm not drowning out the noise. I want to encourage you to reclaim the narrative. Don't let critics define your story critics.
Oh, would you let some internet trolls and internet warrior define your story and how you show up to life? How you show up to your [00:32:00] relationships, how you show up online. Own your voice, your way. It's got nothing to do with them. When I get told my head's broken I'm clueless and who gave me brain damage.
Do you think that makes me stop speaking? No, it makes me go harder. It makes me speak more boldly. It makes me stronger in my conviction. If someone calls you too much, leaning harder, don't lean back. Go harder. If you're a man that probably sounded highly sexual. I'm going to be called a pick me again.
I know. Go hard on men. Leni and harder. Seriously. If they say you're too controversial, take it as a badge of honor. That's one of the biggest compliments you can say to me here on the controversials podcast. But I'm too controversial. Yay. I'm doing what I'm called to do. I don't do it for clicks. I don't do it for your views.
I'm not doing it to be liked. I'm not doing it to be famous. It's because I know I'm having an impact. When someone says I was too loud online, I use [00:33:00] that criticism in my next episode. Right. When people have comments to say or use it as fuel for my episodes. There hate becomes my content. There. Criticisms of me become fuel for my next post. My next piece of content, my next email. I don't see them as enemies. I see them as my fuel. And here's something that also makes what I say quite different to what a lot of coaches will say. I don't agree with like softening your edges, making you more palatable.
I think that the sharpest criticisms that can come your way actually expose your very edges that make you stand out. So I think instead of softening them, sharpern them even more. We often feel like, especially if you're ambitious woman, this can apply to men as well, but especially ambitious women, we feel like we have to choose were either too masculine or too feminine. We're too much in our flow and we don't have enough structure or too structured and disciplined and consistent and ambitious and driven, and we don't have enough flow. Or [00:34:00] we're told that we're too fiery and we need to tone it down.
Or if we're toned down, we need to be more fiery. What if we get to hold all of that, what if we get to be it all at once at different times throughout the day? What if we were no longer at war with ourselves and we accepted those as our edge. I am a feminine woman and I have very masculine. Energy within me as well. I am an absolute firecracker. Ball breaker. Very driven. Disciplined consistent woman, but I'm also extremely intuitive and flowy and nurturing and empathetic. I get to be all of that.
I don't have to pick one way or the other. That is my edge. That makes me different. That makes me unique. In one sentence, I can say something so direct that can sound like I'm cracking a whip and then follow it up with the most beautiful soft. Nurturing sentence. It makes me unique. It makes [00:35:00] you unique.
The very parts of you that are an edge. I say sharp in that don't soften it. sharpern it even more.
One thing I want to encourage you to do is to write down what is the harshest critiques that you think you could receive?
Or that you already have received. And start to reframe each one of them as power. Just like, I mean, I did that in real time. I.
Okay, baby. You're excluded. Good.
That is music to my ears. I don't want to be in your cool club. I don't want to be a part of your status quo group. I don't want to be in your play it safe, boring, vanilla. I love vanilla, but boring vanilla. You get what? I mean? I don't want that. That is proof. That I'm different. That is proof that I'm edgy.
That is proof that I'm bold. Thank fuck. Thank you for commenting. But you can literally reframe it.
If people say you're too much. Awesome. That's because you've expanded beyond what they can handle. That's a badge of honor. It is [00:36:00] nothing to shrink away from.
So once you to write down what are your criticism fees? What's something that somebody could say about you that actually would sting. That genuinely would stink, even if it came from a stranger.
There are only two things. I actually went through this myself. There's only two things that somebody could say to me, even a stranger at this point. They could say to me that may have a slight impact on me. It would not make me stop. It's true things that I haven't fully reconciled within myself yet.
So if someone said to me, oh, you're fat.
Like, I just, it would not dent me cause I don't believe it. I know I'm not, if someone said you're ugly. No dent whatsoever. I know I'm not ugly. So that just, it would not impact me. If someone said you are a shitty mother, it'd be. Whatever mate, like that would not impact me. I know I'm an incredible mother to my young girl. But there's things that just would not impact me at all.
There's only two things, two [00:37:00] areas of my life that I would think, yeah, I could, I could see that. And I. I could understand. Stand why they think that way. And it would sting a little bit because they're things that I haven't accepted within myself. That's what it comes down to likely the very things that somebody could say about you that could actually sting is because you think that there is truth to them.
You haven't reconciled it within yourself yet. Outside of that, like think of the harshest thing somebody could say to you that you actually think could hurt you, write it down and go through the list. And I pretty much will guarantee most of them actually probably weren't sting. If they came from an absolute stranger, unless you knew there was truth to them. And there lies the work.
My friend there lies the work, the two things, the two topics that could actually sting me potentially it's because I have not accepted them within myself. There's the work for me. Because outside of that, it could not hurt me. People's words cannot [00:38:00] hurt me because I don't see truth in them. And if I do see truth, and then like, when someone said you're an entitled woman yet, because I've re reframed that as a positive.
Yeah. I'm entitled. I'm going to go and fucking get what I believe I deserve in this life. That makes me entitled. That's okay. I'm entitled it. Doesn't sting. Yes. I see truth to it, but they mean it in a negative way. I see it as a positive.
So whatever, when you write down this list, whatever is revealed to you is things that could sting.
It's time to own them. I'm doing this with you. It's time to own them. Do whatever work is necessary to start to reconcile that within yourself and start to own it. So then it can never be used against you. Because their opinions are none of your goddamn business. People's opinions of me online actually.
And none of my business, I make it my business because I turn it into content, but it's actually none of my business. If people are talking about you, it means you're doing something right. You have stepped outside of the status quo my friend. Welcome to the big leagues. Welcome. You're in a powerful [00:39:00] position.
You're in a league of absolute legends, disruptors, people who are going to make an impact on the world. If they're not already.
So when criticism comes your way, Because it is inevitable. When criticism comes your way, just pause and ask yourself, is it worth your energy? If not move on. If yes. Respond. I respond to people a lot because. Again,It comes with awesome content creation ideas. And also I have my comment chaos episode.
So I have obviously my weekly drops on Tuesday like this episode. And then my comment chaos episodes, our follow up every Thursday where I respond to viewers and listeners comments. So. It makes sense for me to respond. I literally have created an episode for that very reason, but if you don't need to do that, don't you don't need to respond to people. If you want to respond, respond with intention, not with emotion. Don't come from ego. I still slip up sometimes. I'm not going to lie.
I enjoy banter. But sometimes my banter might come off as. As [00:40:00] very serious, because I remember people can't hear my tone.
So we're going to conclude this here, but I want to say the world doesn't need any more people playing small. We are drowning in smallness in this world. We are drowning in people playing it, safe, playing it small.
The world does not need any more of that.
What this world actually needs is people exactly like you, who are willing to step up, who are willing to be brave and bold and unapologetic in their stance. We need you as a disruptor. We need you exactly as you are.
And every time you speak, you are showing somebody else what is possible. I see that with this podcast you tuning in, I'm showing you what is possible. I'm showing you what happens when you get people saying stuff online and it's okay. It doesn't stop. You just keep moving. Get the train going. Nothing's going to stop this train.
Critics will come.
It is guaranteed, but they are not your audience. I don't speak to them. I don't make these episodes for them. They would hate what I stand for. They would hate these. Episodes. I'm [00:41:00] not creating for them. I'm creating for you. They're still going to come. There's always going to be noise. Go for it guys. Eat your heart and soul out.
You give me more content ideas. You fuel my mission even more. And you remind me that I'm making an impact. It is fuel.
So when you get critics come.
It's honestly, just proof that you are doing, what most people aren't willing to do. You were speaking up bravely and most people would rather stay within their pack. They don't want to be excluded from the pack.
So this message is all about when the criticism hits and it will.
Don't shrink. Don't soften.
I
do not apologize.
Speak louder. Be more bold.
And honestly just let them choke on the sound of your truth. Let them choke on the sound of your voice. Let them choke. On what it is that you're here to speak about in life.
So my message is speak anyway. Legend.
They're going to criticize you no matter what.
So let this episode remind you of why their criticism is your badge of honor.
You can turn their resistance into [00:42:00] your superpower. So whenever you are facing backlash or criticism, or, you know, even in relationships, whatever dynamic relisten to this episode, to remind yourself of why it should not be stopping you instead. It is fuel to grow even stronger to grit, even harder, to be more bold, to be more audacious, to have bigger balls in life.
That's for you men. Go hard. Seriously, go harder. Go stronger. Do not apologize for taking up space in life. Do not apologize. For being different from the pack and for speaking your truth. Let the criticism fuel you. My friends. I love your guts as always. Thank you for being here. Let me know if this has resonated with you at all, and yeah, we'll chat next week.
Love you guts. Bye.
THE SHOW
