Ep. 35 | 🍿Comment Chaos: The Masculinity Debate Heats Up
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Hey legends. Welcome back to another week of controversial as fuck. We have a comment chaos episode for you today. So the episode that I did called the war on masculinity, why strong men, are feared was highly popular. That was a very popular episode. Through listening through platforms, but also through watching it on YouTube.
I think we're at about 1300 views just on YouTube alone at the moment, which is pretty good for my channel. So just to give you. Uh, context at the moment we have just hit over 400 followers on YouTube.
it definitely takes time to build an audience, but I love YouTube. I love long form content, more than like short clips.
I actually love long form. So I have a feeling YouTube is going to become my main home eventually outside of obviously the podcasting platforms. But anyway, I digress. So let's go through the comments on that episode on YouTube. So we'll start off with, we've got one from Ben. Hi, [00:01:00] Holly, interesting chat.
The most dangerous male is one who has not been initiated into manhood and all its implicit responsibilities. And one who has been taught to think of himself as a victim of the external world. Having an external locus of control. The old saying goes that our boy that is not warmed by the village will slash might burn it down.
This is so good. Criminologists suggests that a precursor to becoming a criminal is to believe that you aren't Part of the community that you pray upon. Identity politics creates this exact, mileu. I think that's how you say that word. And then he wrote, oh, and so I responded to that one.
I said, oh, great perspective there. Thank you for contributing to the conversation. It's a deep topic, isn't it definitely never want to come off as telling men how to be men, because I have no experience in being a man, but hoping this can help to shed some light on the gender wars I see going on and help to bring some healing.
Like this [00:02:00] perspective has done to my own life. So. Yeah, that was a really, really great share there from them. And then I'm just going in order here.
I won't read them all because some of them are quite long, but then we've got Jordan, Jordan has said, thank you for speaking up. And I said, you're welcome. Interestingly enough, this was a topic request from a female friend. There's a lot of us seeing the outright war on men and masculinity at the moment.
It's really in everyone's faces. Thank you for listening and being here. And then he's responded with, this is why a lot of men are checking out of the dating market and not showing up. It's sad. He has a good point there. Like I said, thank you for speaking up. You are well-spoken. Oh, thank you. The thought and effort you placed into your video was encouraging seeing these kinds of conversations coming from the feminine side is healing.
It's good for men to see. Thank you so much to Jordan for such a lovely comment. And for joining in the conversation, I thought that was lovely. Then we've got Mike. By the way I found it. Interesting that [00:03:00] I think all, if not close to all, Have been from men. Which I'm grateful that they're joining in the conversation.
It's not just us women talking about this. Mike has said, unfortunately, this ship has already sailed. Men have been under this attack for decades and men checking out is a late stage effect. women, all of a sudden coming out now wanting us to be men and saying masculinity is needed rings. hallow.
At this point, he does have a point by the way, but I do respond. Things won't get any better as the generations go on. These are correct points, but the vast majority of women will not heed your advice. So I said, I understand, I really do. I obviously don't know what it's like from a man's perspective and I'm not suggesting I do. But I'm sure there's a heck of a lot of pain amongst men with all of this. I will say this though.
I do choose to view life of there's always hope. If we all take responsibility for our parts that we've played and then I've put in brackets in whatever it [00:04:00] is, there is always hope. And I do mean that there's motos comment. I'm going to read, but I just want to stop there. I do mean that no matter what the situation, if we take responsibility for ourselves, cause that's all we can control is how selves. I do think there's hope.
Right? So. You know, I can't help necessarily, you know, every man to feel comfortable in his masculinity. I can't do that. Like, that's an impossible task and yet it would feel like. The ship has already sailed if that was what I was focused on, but I'm not just focusing on that. I'm focusing on taking responsibility for what I can. And making sure that I don't contribute to. de masculinizing men or, you know, getting involved in gender wars and all that kind of stuff and just taking responsibility for what I can.
So that's, that's the way that I choose to view life. I always think there's hope. No matter how dire situation looks. And then I wrote. I do think the more we focus on what we want to see in the world, the more of a chance we will see those things. So I'm not discrediting you at all. Your points are a hundred percent [00:05:00] valid, but I do believe changes can be made in small ways that have massive ripple effects.
We all have our part to play. Thank you for joining in the convo, by the way.
And then we've got.
Someone called pigs and pies. I've only just seen this now.I haven't read all these comments yet. There's quite a few. Someone has just said, or four days ago who comes hard for Joe Rogan with a laughing face. I love Joe Rogan. Like for real, I loved Joe Rogan. I really, really like him. I made that clear in that episode.
So yeah, I guess you could say, I come hard for. And if that's what you want to say. Sure buddy. Sure. Thank you. Pigs and pies. And then someone else has written. Oh, my God, this is by live performancesdash sketches. hey all you alpha dorks. You really going to listen to a woman, tell you how to be a man with laughing faces. Yeah.
Look, thank you for contributing to the conversation at no point, have I. Tried to tell a man how to be a man. And if. This individual [00:06:00] had listened to the full episode. That would be very evident. So jokes on you, buddy.
And then we had a really thought provoking question. I love this. This is from James.
Thank you so much, James, for this. I appreciate the video. I have a question for you though. From a woman's perspective. What does lead mean? You've said it multiple times to lead is to make decisions. If the man is making the decisions. That inherently means that the woman isn't. How do you separate something like from being controlling in those contexts?
We are controlling. We are in control. That should be good. Right? And so I said, This is such a great question. Thank you for raising it. I will actually touch on this in next week's Thursday drop where I respond to comments. Cause I think it deserves the time for me to respond properly. Here we are. I'm following through on that.
I will say though, in my humble opinion, that I don't see leading a relationship as the same as being controlling. For [00:07:00] instance, as an ex-cop. I saw in my old line of work, some pretty controlling situations from both men and women. I want to make that clear. This is not just men from both men and women. That was born from fear.
If someone controls another, it is usually an unconscious way of trying to, to gain control of a situation to mask their fear. For example, when I've put in brackets, a fear of losing them a fear of abandonment, et cetera, right. This often plays out in relationships. Where, if you fear losing another individual, by the way, this is. This comes from me as well.
Like I've played into all this before, where if you feel losing somebody or you fear being abandoned or whatever, you. Let's say in a relationship dynamic. Then your fear, your way of unconsciously, trying to gain control of your fear or trying to suppress and control that fear. Is to control the situation or to control the other individual.
Right. So that has been [00:08:00] controlling. You are controlling that individual in order to suppress, or in order to try to fix your own fears, your own inner thing. It's not even about the individual. It's about your own interferes, right? That has been controlling. Anyway, I digress. Fear of abandonment, et cetera.
Whereas to me, leadership as a man is not at all. Birth. I've written brother. It's meant to say birthed in fear, but rather strength and masculinity, his woman will feel safe in him taking control of the situation, but I don't see it as him controlling her. Cause there is a difference. And man controlling a woman is suffocating.
Leading a woman is the opposite. If with a feminine woman, I'll get into that. She will feel relaxed and safe. The issue is that the messaging of you don't need a man to all women, which is perpetuated by the feminist movement, has indoctrinated the messaging that if a man leads. Then he is controlling. And that's simply not the case at all. [00:09:00] I will explain this better in an episode.
So if you have any further questions or insights, then please let me know and I can share them with everyone. Thank you again. I really appreciate your input and question. And then James has said, you're welcome. So let me just touch on that briefly. So, yeah, there is a difference between leading a relationship as in controlling. Situations for good, right.
As, as in. It might be you organizing a date and you're going to say, like, let's say, you're, you're taking a woman out on a date, you know, it's fairly early on in the relationship and you might be like, Hey, I'm going to pick you up at X time. And this is the style of the restaurant and maybe dress in this kind of style and I'll pick you up at this time and, you know, that's it like she doesn't need any more details.
Right? To what woman that's quite feminine. And that is longing for a masculine man. She will feel so safe in that she will feel so like, oh, there's [00:10:00] nothing I have to do. He's done it all for me. Like you just, you just relax into your femininity and the man takes the lead and the man. You know, leads the situation.
So in a sense, he is taking control of the situation. He's not controlling her, right? He's not controlling her. He's taking control of the situation and there's a difference. If she's quite a masculine woman and she likes to be the one that is always taking control of situations, she make, find him controlling. But he's not. This is a different, he's not being controlling.
This is why I think there's such miss messaging online and on social media where it's like, oh, you know, if a man organizes a date for you and like, says, I'm going to pick you up at this time. Oh, he's controlling me. It's like, no, he's not. He's leading. Like, Relax. He's leading, even if he says like, cause I've seen. I'll give you an example.
I love. In a relationship when the man orders the food for me, I love that. It's not because I'm incapable. [00:11:00] I'm a highly confident woman that can speak to anybody. I can order anything off a menu. I am not fearful of ordering off a menu. Right. It's not that I find it extremely sexy and just, it's such a turn on to see.
And I don't mean he's going to just order something. I don't want,You know, he knows what I want.
We go to our favorite restaurant. He knows what I want. And when the waiter comes over, he says, oh, Holly, we'll have X, Y, Z, and I'm going to get X, Y, Z. Right. That is a turn on to me, to a woman who doesn't feel safe in her femininity and is used to taking control. She will think, oh my God, that guy is so controlling. He's not controlling.
He is leading his leading. There's a difference. But I also understand the confusion because men are constantly told that if they lead their relationships, like for instance, that's, that's an example of leading a relationship. It's one small example. They are told you are being controlling and I'm here to say they are actually not being controlling.
I have seen. Hi control situations as a police officer in domestic abuse [00:12:00] situations from both men and women, where they are controlling, where they literally control every aspect of that individual's life. And it's, it's also similar to like being in a cult, you know, it's like a cult, but it's just a relationship where. You can't think for yourself, you not allowed to make a single decision for yourself.
You can't go anywhere.
Let me give you another example, actually, where I don't think this is controlling, but where it could turn into control. So for instance, in a relationship of mine, right? One of the things that we had as an agreement was that.
We would never be alone with someone of the opposite sex. In their house. Right. Without anybody else around. So for instance, let's just say we had a mutual male friend. I would never go and visit that male on my own and hang out in his house. Just the two of us without my partner being there or without any other friends there.
Right. Same with my partner. If he let's say we had mutual female friend, he would never just go and hang out at her house. [00:13:00] Just the two of them without me being there or without other friends being there different. If there's other friends there that's different, but just to does that mean that we are controlling each other?
Does that mean that we don't trust each other? No. There's a difference between not trusting your partner, but also not putting yourself in a place of potential fire, right. Because it's not that you don't trust each other. It's just, you don't put it doesn't mean you go on throw yourself into a fire where. God knows what kind of situation can arise from that. Right? We, you just, you trust your partner, but you don't necessarily know other people as well as what you think you do, right. So on the outside to someone else, if I said, I, my partner doesn't like me being in a home alone with another guy, they might be like, oh, that's so controlling.
To me, that's not at all. That's, that's a boundary and it's a respect thing, right. Another thing is if we went out with friends. So for instance, if I was having, you know, drinks out with the girls or something, You know, my partner would not be checking in on me every five minutes and being like, where are you?
What are you doing? Like [00:14:00] some anxious, controlling kind of guy. Instead, I would let him know exactly where I'm going. And then I would let him know when I'm leaving. Right. So he would know I'm on the way home. It's not a control thing. It's a respect thing. It's a boundary thing. It's, it's letting him know, Hey, I'm safe. Because one of his jobs is my partner is to keep me safe.
That's that's just how we view it. Right. And so, you know, we would text each other. Same if he was out with guys, I am not going to be messaging him every five minutes and being like, where are you? What are you doing? Like this. There's trust there and there's respect and there's there's health. There's a health in that, right? But he would let me know, this is where we're going to be.
Right. I had it. Wasn't like, I was left wondering like, where is he? He's been gone for hours where the crap is like none of that. There's we let each other know, this is exactly where we're going to be. And then we message to let them know when we're on our way home. So we know each other is safe, everything is all good.
And it's just, it's not a control thing. It's a respect thing. So I would say. James festival. [00:15:00] Thank you again for your message. I would say that. When I'm talking about leading. Yes, it is in a sense controlling the situation you're taking control of the situation, but the difference is you're not controlling the individual.
And I hope that explains that well for you.
And as far as when I said about like feminine women, masculine women, I find, and again, this has come from myself. There's been times where I've been more in my masculine energy in relationships and time where times where I've been definitely more in the feminine. And I would say that as a feminine woman, I love when a man leads.
I love when a man takes control of the situation. It is the most relaxing thing for a woman because we just feel like everything's taken care of. Everything's going to be okay. If you are highly, highly in your masculine as a woman, you would likely find that controlling, but I'm here to say it's not controlling.
The man is taking control of the situation. You were just likely. Projecting [00:16:00] from your need of needing to control the situation. So I hope that explains that that was a bit longer than I planned on that being.
And then someone has written, no, you can't change your gender just by saying so, but the way you brought that up felt disrespectful and you lost me there as a viewer. No worries. I fully understand. Listen, my delivery is not for everyone. I speak literally as I am and I make no apologies for that.
I'm not deliberately being disrespectful. It is my stance that you cannot change your gender just by saying so. And if I say it in that way, and that upset somebody or someone has to unfollow, I fully respect your decision. And that's totally okay. I don't think you need to announce it to the world though, but that's fine.
And then Mr.
Mayhem has said. You won't. Any women, I think, I mean, you won't see any women comment on these pieces because they aren't interested. They want the blank slate because they need to believe that sex differences are social constructs. When we all including them know full well, [00:17:00] it isn't. They lie to themselves and everyone. L's and hide from the truth in these stupid, safe places spaces. Look, I will admit it is more men that comment on these types of things, but in saying that.
I don't know. I like to have a positive outlook. Maybe I'm delusional.
And then someone with a monkey faces their profile. Has written so massively insecure as to make up a attack on men. As if the attack isn't to end abuse, I think I get what they're saying. What a dipshit channel. So, because I'm saying that there's a war, a masculinity that I don't agree with and that I don't believe masculinity can be toxic. They're saying I am massively insecure. Because.
I'm making up an attack on men as if the attack isn't to end abuse.
So they're saying that the attack on men is to end the abuse that men are. Laying on two women is what I can understand from that. And so [00:18:00] therefore I am highly insecure. My channel is a dipshit channel. Thank you for your contribution. I may have to give that one, the wanker comment of the week, but nonetheless, thank you for being here. And then someone has written it's too late.
The west is doomed. Schrodinger Schrodinger's feminist the phenomenon in which women express feminist ideals when it's beneficial, but disregards them for traditionalist ideals. When these are more beneficial. Look, I would say I understand, I genuinely do understand what you're saying. But I would also say that sometimes we learn from mistakes.
You've got to understand. Sometimes we don't see things and this is not a men women thing, like humans in general, for instance, COVID I mentioned this a lot. COVID woke up a lot of individuals into seeing like, What's going on in the world and just being more awake to systems like the political system. The government's medical system.
Big pharma, like lots of different things, [00:19:00] right?
Sometimes there is a catalyst that helps us to wake up. And I, again, choose to not see everything is doomed, even though I understand, I do understand where people are coming from. But sometimes it takes us to wake up and see things for what they really are. And that waking up process can come from our own pain can come from our own mistakes.
Like it was with mine. I've never called myself a feminist. I've never followed the feminist movement. I've never worshiped the feminist movement. I've never promoted its ideologies. But in saying that I could see in retrospect how some of it was innate in me, right. Because of conditioning and because of society and all of that, like we buy into things without even realizing that we're buying into these ideologies.
So. Even as someone who's never been a hardcore feminist or called myself a feminist, I can see how I've played into this. So I would say we do have to have some level of compassion that if people are starting to see it in a, [00:20:00] starting to voice it and starting to. You know, want to help out in any way that we can in whatever topic, by the way, I'm not just talking about this.
I think we're gonna have a little bit, bit of compassion to realize that, Hey, we are all changing and growing and evolving and learning from mistakes. And I think that's a good thing.
And then someone has said awesome podcast, Holly.
1000000% correct. If a man is an abuser of women or children or a terrorist, that's one thing. These men are toxic and not masculine in the correct way. In most of the cases. Men are supposed to be masculine men and supposed to be protectors and fixes. It doesn't mean that women can't be strong and can't do almost any job that they want to do.
Of course they can. But realistically for anybody who wants to pay attention and understand it, Way back from the time when men and women were primitive people, men were hunters, basically mostly women would gather is basically mostly can both men and women be very tough and very sensitive. Absolutely.
And again, this is not totally across the board, but for the most part, men are [00:21:00] meant to be men. Women are meant to be women and yes, we do need each other very, very much. Thank you again, Holly. For the phenomenal podcasts that we'll be checking out all of your content. Thank you. Thank you so much to MJ.
6, 7 2, 4. I appreciate that.
And there's some more comments there that I need to go through and I actually need to respond to a lot of them. Actually. Here's one here from golden remnant. My one word definition of masculinity is this responsibility. This is great by the way, or set in a phrase, the assumption of ever increasing responsibility strength is the potential to act on a situation and have enough power to bend the world to their will.
This falls under a type of responsibility. Courage is the willingness to step up and be a change agent for good in the world. This is another way. One can take responsibility for a situation. Independence. The one who is responsible for others must be able from time to time to act independently of the ones that are subject to him. Assertiveness also another way to execute, taking [00:22:00] responsibility. Protectiveness.
This is what people do when they are responsible for the safety of others. Competitiveness to be competitive is the acceptance that you are responsible for the outcome that you experienced. And the list goes on and on. They are all underpinned by a man taking responsibility. Thank you so much to golden remnant.
I agree. That was worded really, really well. Actually there's one more comment from them at they've written another comment that I would love to address. And they've put 1120, meaning. Uh, 11 minutes, 20 seconds into the video. You had me convinced until you got to the buff part. Every man starts building muscle in the gym for some insecurity that he's dealing with. Which is fine. Unlike women, men are consistently judged by what they do their accomplishments.
I started bodybuilding due to unspoken insecurities. I maintain a substantial amount of muscle mass today because one, my wife prefers the bulkier build as do most honest women two, it feels better and has higher functional value than without it. Three people treat me differently in a [00:23:00] positive manner, which is perfectly fine. But I don't build lots of muscle because I'm perpetually trying to shield or cover up past hurt.
LOL, I'm going to get to this again because I think they've misunderstood me. It's really freaking simple. I was both short and skinny. Now. I'm just short. But at least I have a face and body that is competitive with the best of them insecurity cure. Women at conditional lovers and women dictate what men ought to be in terms of appearance and capability. And women continually reward muscular frames, period. Here for the results.
No excuses. Don't demand from society to love you as you are, because they won't, you must find a way to compete, perform, and add value. Look, I think what you worded was brilliant. And I just want to clarify. In the video, when I was talking about the war on masculinity, what I wanted to do was make it very clear that at no point, because one of the points that I made about. A sign of masculinity is strengths, right?
Physical strength, emotional [00:24:00] strength, just strength. And I wanted to point it out, and this is why I made the comment. Uh, which I'll get to in a second. I wanted to make it very, very clear that I was not saying that if you're a skinny man or you naturally have a tiny frame as a dude, That you can't be masculine, or that somehow you now like have no masculinity within you. That is not true.
Like not true at all. I know. Some big buff dudes who are masculine guys. I know some quite skinny lean sort of guys who are masculine guys. So yes, I mentioned prowess like physical strength and prowess is a sign of masculinity, but it does not mean that if you're a skinny guy, if you're like, you know, more on the lean side, That, that means you are not masculine.
So this is why I made the point. And what I said was. There are extremes to it. So for instance, and I use the example of someone that uses steroids and that is roided up. I think I said roids, like roided up steroid [00:25:00] it up to the extreme where their muscles are like. Balloons that you could pop with a pin is what I said.
I was not talking about having like good, healthy amount of muscles. I personally, as a woman, like a muscular build, I do, I like a muscular build. I like someone that's bigger than me. That's stronger than me. Cause it just makes me feel safe and protected. Right. That's my thing. Some women love really lean guys, really skinny guys. That's not what this is about.
Right. So when I talked about, in the episode, I mentioned that if someone is highly, like obviously steroid it up, their muscles look like the types that are so over fake that you can pop them with a balloon. I'm talking about like, if you can't, if you're not watching me on YouTube right now, and you're just listening to the audio, you can't see me, but the guys that like had their shoulders up here and the way that they struck like this. Like, you know, it's so obvious that they are trying to
out to run some unhealed wounds within, I'm not talking about you, dude.
I'm not talking about the average guy [00:26:00] that does bodybuilding or, you know, that is muscular. I that's awesome work on yourself. I actually think that is incredibly important to continually improve your health and your fitness and your strength, and to be as strong as you can be in all of those things.
Right. So I do think that you may have taken out of context what I meant, and maybe that was my delivery. If it's my delivery, I apologize. That's not at all. What I mean, I want to make that clear. I'm talking about when someone is that addicted to steroid use and overdoing the muscles to the point that they look, as I said, like balloons that you could pop, you know what I'm talking about, right?
The over the top ones. That to me is likely trying to cover up. And show a portrayal on the outside of the opposite of what is actually going on the inside. So that's what I mean by that. So, Golden remnant. I'm not referring to you into your build. If you were a bodybuilder, that's not at all. That's not what I'm talking about.
Right? So unless you are right [00:27:00] now on steroids and have been on steroids for a very long time and your muscles are that big that they look over fake, like ridiculous, almost like distorted viewing. That's what I'm referring to. I'm not talking about your healthy level of muscles. So yeah, I will probably have to comment to this person because they may not see this video, but. Just want to clarify that. I wanted to make it clear that just because someone might be a skinnier, leaner kind of guy that does not mean you're not masculine. Okay. And somehow it's been misconstrued into me seeing that. You know, you shouldn't have muscles.
That's not what I'm saying. I love muscles. Go get your muscles guys. Anyway, I think we'll leave it at that. We're just going to stick with YouTube today. There was comments on other platforms, but we'll leave it at that. And yeah. So we've got our wanker comment of the week. Didn't we
oh, that's right. The one that said I'm massively insecure and I've got a dip shit channel.
Oh, God, I'm here for all the comments. I love you guys. Keep your comments popping and I will keep my replies popping too and get ready for next week. Love you. Bye.
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