Ep. 32 | The War on Masculinity: Why Strong Men Are Feared
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Guys I'm pissed off. What a way to start a podcast. I am pissed off, but I'm also laughing. So. Oh, my God. I just recorded an hour long podcast episode on the toxic, the toxic on the topic. Of toxic masculinity and how I don't believe masculinity can actually be toxic. So an hour long episode and the whole thing's gone.
I just don't know what to say. I was going to leave it for another day, but then I was like, no, I actually want to talk about this topic today. So for whatever reason, even just talking about this now too, is calming me down and I'm getting over it pretty quickly [00:01:00] for whatever reason. The whole thing is lost. I've never had this happen.
There was a glitch in the system and the entire episode has gone video audio transcript, whole lot has gone. So for whatever reason, I'm trusting that that's for good reason. And let's just start again. I don't even want to look at my dot points that I had, and maybe that's the whole reason why it was lost.
Maybe I kept referring to my dot points too much. So let's just start again. Let's talk about masculinity now. I'm obviously a woman. This is not me teaching men how to be men. That would be utterly ridiculous, and rather ironic things. I'm not a man. I have no aspirations to be a man. I'm not about to go and call myself a man, even though that would change nothing.
Hint, hint. you can't change gender just by saying so, but any who. I don't believe that masculinity can actually be toxic because the moment that it is expressed in a toxic way, it is no longer masculinity. And this is what I want to get into. So,
[00:02:00] let's set the scene. Toxic masculinity has become a massive buzz word. There's no denying it. We see it everywhere. Everything these days is considered as toxic masculinity. Now. It is my belief and my humble opinion that this has been a deliberate,
and a very concerted effort. Because in my opinion, you cannot control, people a community or the world at large, if men are standing in their masculinity as strong masculine men, because the very nature of masculinity is protectiveness. It is the protection of themselves and of those that they love and of the most vulnerable. That is at the core of masculinity. If you wanted to take control of, yeah, I'm going to get my little tinfoil hat on for a second.
Let's just wear that out and loud and proud. If you wanted to take control of the world. The best way to do that is to eradicate any trace of masculinity amongst men, [00:03:00] right. To make it be the most feared, shunned,
blight on society so that men are afraid to be men, right? Because then you have a better chance of actually controlling the population of wielding power and corruption.
And
of getting away with really shitty stuff.
So in this episode, instead of going over, you know, the fors and the against like I normally would. I think there is a lot of messaging out there about what is considered toxic masculinity. And look, let's be honest. It's basically any masculine traits. That is what they are basically deeming as toxic these days is just you being a man to any man listening.
You basically taught and it's rammed down your throat that you being a man is toxic. You are taught to feminize yourself. You're taught to water down any of your masculine traits. So I don't feel the need to be honest in this episode to go deep into what is considered toxic masculinity, you can look into that for yourself as highly intelligent [00:04:00] individuals that listen to this podcast or watch it on YouTube. Instead, I want to go straight into defining what actually is masculinity first, because if we're going to talk about the fact that I don't believe it can be toxic, let's actually state what is masculinity to start off with.
And then I'm going to go into my reasons as to why I don't believe that masculinity is a social construct that
It's a biologically driven and inherent nature within a man now, yes, to set the scene first and foremost. Every single human being on the planet, whether you're a male or a female has masculine and feminine qualities residing within you. Okay. So. Masculinity in itself, though, in the context of this episode, I'm speaking to men and their masculinity.
This episode is not just for men though. So at the end, I'm going to give my unfiltered take on why I obviously don't believe that masculinity is just a social construct. And also why I believe there is such a drive and a push to squash [00:05:00] masculinity in men, but then I'm also going to give my encouragement and my message to men and also my encouragement and my message to women that'll be controversial in and of itself, but at no point, and I do want to make this clear at no point, am I trying to tell men how to be men?
And at no point, am I hating on women? When I give my message to women, and I'll go over that when the time comes as well, but let's first of all, define what even is masculinity. Now this list is not exhaustive. I'm going to go over some common traits that are linked up with masculinity. So for a masculine man, right?
If you think of any man that you know, or you yourself, if you're a man watching or listening to this. If you are a masculine man, you likely will have some, if not all of these traits, First is strength. So this can be physical and emotional strength. These are traditionally viewed as masculine qualities.
Of course, yes. Women can still have strength. I believe that I can be physically [00:06:00] strong. And I also have emotional strengths. So I'm not suggesting this means. And I'm only going to say this once. Cause I could say this to every single point. This is not to state that men are better than women. This is not to state that men are. You know, above women that men are up here and women are down here. Not at all.
Some of these traits, women as you're listening, you'd likely will have some of these too. It's just, these are masculine traits to have so strength. Again, this can be physical and emotional strength. This includes the ability to be able to endure out physical challenges, right? To be resilient in the face of adversity.
This is huge in masculinity. Another one is courage to have the quality of being brave of facing fees of taking risks. You'll notice risk taking is really big in masculinity in men, in general, as it compared to women. Another one is independent. So often masculinity is actually associated with self-reliance.
So the ability to be able to operate and function [00:07:00] without the dependence on others, it does not mean that they shouldn't depend on others. And I'm going to get into it in a minute where I really believe that men should have strong men around them. So a good, like a brotherhood of men that they frequently hang out with.
Right? So I'm not suggesting that men and their independence means that they are lone wolfs and that they just do everything on their own. That's not at all what it is, but to have independence as a man to know that you can rely on yourself when you need to is a beautiful trait of masculinity. Uh, another one is assertiveness.
Being able to communicate and assert your own needs, your own desires, your opinions. That's a big one. You see that being completely squashed. If a man holds an opinion these days, It's like, Ooh, toxic masculinity going on there. Like it, it grosses me out that a man these days is scared to even hold an opinion and be able to speak confidently without being told that he's upholding the patriarchy.
It's just such [00:08:00] bullshit. Then we've got protectiveness. It is an innate quality, a biologically driven quality within a man to be protective to guard and to defend both himself and those he loves. And those in vulnerable positions, it doesn't even have to be someone that he loves. Like as in intimately, he is naturally a man to want to protect the most vulnerable.
This is why men are best at going to war. They have the physical fitness, they have the stoicism, but also they have that protective nature. And of course, women have a protective nature to. Like you mess with my child and you are dead. Right. Like, we are protective where the mama bears as well, but I'm speaking specifically again to men and masculinity. There's also the competitiveness.
So it's a drive to succeed, to Excel in life, right. It's often in that competitive context of like, maybe it's in your career to want to compete or in sports, whatever it might be like team sports. It's that drive to want to compete. It's a very masculine trait to [00:09:00] have. Stoicism. This one gets a bad rap.
Stoicism I think is a beautiful quality within a man. There is definitely a time and place for stoicism. It can also be a beautiful trait in a woman in the right context, right. But stoicism is the ability to be able to remain calm and emotionally controlled, especially in tough situations in high stress situations, without showing feelings or without complaining.
And to give an example, many years ago, I was a police officer, Western Australia police officer. Let's just say I happened to be on my period on a day where I was trying to negotiate, in a high stress situation at work. Having stoicism was important in those situations where I couldn't just sit down on the ground. In the middle of a high stress situation as a police officer, and just start crying and asking for a chocolate bar, even if that's all I wanted, even if I just wanted to do that, I couldn't, I had to show stoicism.
I couldn't stand there and complain. I couldn't stand there and [00:10:00] just cry and show my feelings. Right? So stoicism is a beautiful quality and it gets a really bad rap, but I think it is an incredible quality in men to be able to show that they can remain calm and unaffected in the right situation. Another trait is being a provider.
Traditionally men are seen as providers of their families. They're responsible for supporting and for sustaining the household needs. This is a beautiful, beautiful trait. I'm going to stop saying that goddamn. They're all beautiful traits in men. Clearly. I love all these traits. Really do another one is problem solving.
I love this in men that their ability to just resolve issues and challenges. Often by taking initiative, right. To be able to provide practical solutions immediately. Right. This is such a great quality in masculinity. Another one again is the physicality. So I mentioned this before. This can get misconstrued. Some women think that the more buff a guy is the [00:11:00] more masculine he is, and that is not actually always the case.
Yes. Having that physical fitness and that prowess. Is a sign of masculinity, but if someone is like, Roided up to like massive, big muscles that are so fake looking, you almost looked like he could pop them with a pin. Like they're a balloon. And they're clearly just on steroids. That to me is actually not a healthy expression at all.
I don't see that as necessarily masculine qualities. Instead. I see that as. His shield. That's likely. Something that is trying to come off as strong because it's. It's a shield for the unhealed pain and unhealed, maybe traumas and the suppressed emotions that are going on inside them. So, Yeah, I don't want this to come off.
As if I'm saying the more muscles you have, the more masculine you are, that is not the case at all, but there is an emphasis on physical activity [00:12:00] in masculinity, right? This is what can define that. The difference between a man and a woman, usually a man is stronger, or he has the physical prowess to be able to. You know, defend his family and defend himself, then there's a adventurousness.
So the ability to, or willingness, I would say to actually engage in challenges and wanting to explore beyond. What's familiar. You know, this can play out in competitive sports. This can play out in.
Maybe it's going camping or going fishing or, you know, sky diving or jet skiing or mountain climbing.
I'm trying to come up with it. or just going on holidays. Like adventure holidays backpacking around the world.
It's having that willingness to engage with life. It's having that willingness to want to go beyond just the everyday life. Right? This is a really cool trait of masculinity. Another one is respect for hierarchy and for tradition, men have a natural respect [00:13:00] for hierarchy.
This is not as common in women. Men have a pecking order. They know where they stand in the pecking order by looking around their surrounds. You often hear of men saying this and. Man. If you're listening to this, you will understand what I'm getting at here. That often some of my male friends or male family members have said to me that like, when they're out with say their woman, maybe they're on a date with their partner and they will scan the room to see where the exits are and who's around me and who looks dodgy.
And if a fight broke out over there, how would I get out of here with and protect my girl? And like all these kinds of stuff. There is a natural pecking order. There's a hierarchy. A men have a reverence for this. Men have a reverence for, you know, uh, traditions and
I don't think that it's coincidental that this has been broken down in society. Another one is resilience. And this is the last point I'll touch on. As I said, this is not an exhaustive list. I just wanted to comment on some traits that are commonly known as masculine traits, but there's resilience.
This is the ability [00:14:00] to be able to recover quickly from difficulties. You have a toughness, you have a strength about you. You're not just going to roll over and die. The minute that you go through something hard, you have the ability that no matter how hard it is, you know, you can get through anything.
You know, that you can pick yourself up off the floor and keep. Going you are resilient. It is a masculine trait.
Let's now get into why I don't believe that masculinity is a social construct and it's actually biologically driven. So I've got some little dot points here. I want to make sure I do cover off on them though. Obviously we have testosterone in all human beings, but it is higher or it's meant to be higher.
It has been destroyed. Recently, but it is meant to be higher in men. And typically it is higher in males. Right. This plays a significant role in the development of traits that are associated with masculinity. Yes, society does influence the way that masculinity can be expressed. I understand that. Okay. [00:15:00]
But what I'm saying is it's not a social construct. It is an inherent, biologically driven. Aspect of masculinity.
For instance, testosterone is linked with traits like physical strength. Competitiveness assertiveness. And risk-taking, this is why if a woman wants to all of a sudden call herself a man, even though that is fricking impossible. Let's just say she does. She will likely want to have testosterone injected into her body at some point to help, to bring about more of the masculine traits. It is a biologically driven thing that is also rooted in testosterone. It is in the
biology of a man.
Right. And it has played out in traits of masculinity.
Also from times gone by, there are certain masculine traits such as strength and courage and resilience and protectiveness. That have been an advantage for men for survival and for [00:16:00] reproduction.
Men that were strong providers or who was strong protectors of their family units had a much better chance of passing on their genes and of surviving.
So this biologically driven an evolutionary driven aspect of a man is what has helped to shape behaviors such as physical competitiveness. Risk-taking. That suggests that masculinity has deep biological roots. Again, it is not a social fricking construct, just like gender is not a social construct, but that's a whole nother conversation.
There is also a difference in our brains as men and women.
Okay.
So there is a difference in the structure of our brains, which plays out in differences in the functions of being a man or a woman. For instance, certain areas that are associated with spatial awareness, with aggression, which I'm about to touch on that word. And with logical reasoning tend to be more developed in males, which influences the way that masculine traits are [00:17:00] expressed.
Right? So this is also down to our brain structure. Again, it's not just a social construct, as much as they're going to scream that till the cows freaking come home.
And I just have to say. As a woman. And I think most feminine women would agree with me that I simply do not trust a man who does not have the capacity for aggression. This word gets shat on. Aggression is seen as one of the most. Toxic traits in a man and I have to disagree. There is a difference between aggression. And aggressive behavior and yes, this might sound like semantics, but stick with me.
I saw a heck of a lot of very passive men during covid.
Again, I'm not against you, man. This is not a man-hating episode. This is the opposite. I'm standing for you in this episode. But let me paint a picture. This is why I don't think aggression is bad. And I do not trust a man who doesn't have the capacity for aggression. So stick with me please. But during COVID. I saw a lot of passive men, a lot [00:18:00] of men that were fearful of standing up for themselves, standing up for their families.
Maybe they didn't agree with the COVID vaccine, with the mandates, with the stay-at-home orders, with having to triple mask yourself and double glove yourself. And. Stay at home for the next 10 years and whatever else was forced on us, right? Maybe lots of men didn't agree with that, but they went along with it and they didn't stand up for themselves.
And for their families out of fear, out of likely fear of being shunned by the community, out of fear of what their workplaces would say out of fear of what their families would say, whatever it might be, there was a lot of passive. Behaviors amongst men during COVID, which also meant by the way, it's not just men, women as well, but this also meant that a lot of women were very fearful during this time because we didn't feel protected.
I can guarantee guarantee. That COVID would not have happened the way that it did if men and their masculinity was not squashed. If men [00:19:00] were not taught that their masculinity is a massive blight on society. Let's talk about aggression. There is protective aggression. This is about safeguarding not seeking conflict.
It's about defending yourself, defending your family defending your community from threats. If a man does not have the capacity for violence, if a man does not have the capacity for aggression, I do not trust him. I do not feel safe with him. No, he doesn't have to be the strongest man in the room.
No, he doesn't have to be the most. Uh, incredible fighter or anything like that. He just has to be willing to have a crack if the time called for it. Right. If he would not have a crack, and he would, if he would expect me to do the defending, I don't feel safe. I do not feel safe around a man who does not have the capacity for violence or for aggression. This is a strong and immediate response.
When a man has that protective aggression, right to external threats, he can ensure the [00:20:00] safety and security of vulnerable individuals. This is why I say COVID would not have gone down in the world the way that it did, if men were not taught that their masculinity is a blight on society. I think it's been a concerted effort over years. Years to break down masculinity and men, because you cannot control a society of strong men.
It's impossible.
There's also competitive aggression. This is in the realm of sports or business and like all different competitive fields. A certain level of aggression can actually be highly beneficial. It can drive a man to Excel, to overcome obstacles and to strive for excellence. Again, the opposite of that is a passive man.
And I say this word a lot because it is literally the opposite of masculinity. If a man is really, really passive, he's not going to strive for excellence. He's not going to want to Excel. He's not going to want to overcome obstacles. He's just going to roll over and die. If you do not have a level of aggression as a man, again, I'm not saying you're [00:21:00] aggressive.
You have the capacity to hold a level of aggression. You will lack persistence. You will lack determination. You will lack a strong will to succeed in life. There's assertive aggression. This is a form of aggression that's closely linked to assertiveness, right? This is where it involves standing up for your rights expressing your needs and your desires effectively.
This is also about establishing personal boundaries. There's a time and a place for a man to tell his woman that she has crossed a boundary and no, that's not happening again. I know that's going to ruffle feathers. I know that's going to piss people off, but just hear me out. If a man does not hold boundaries, he's not respected.
If a man can be walked all over by his woman, he is not respected by his woman. They trust me as women we'll test it. We will test to see if a man is going to stand up for himself with us. If he's going to hold. Uh, boundary and no that does not mean that he's now an [00:22:00] asshole that does not mean that he's now controlling, but he can control himself in a calm and composed manner where he's stoic, but you are not crossing this boundary again. It's about being proactive in your communication, in your actions as a man, and it is crucial in leadership.
I would go as far as to say you are not a leader. If you cannot enforce boundaries as a man. There's also energetic aggression. And this leans into that, like that willpower, the motivation to just get shit done, to achieve. It's like a forward moving form of aggression. It propels you to take action, right?
This is what really makes a man stand out from amongst the pack. If you've got that energetic aggression, you will tackle challenges. You will push through adversity. You're going to break through barriers. You're going to solve problems. There is a difference, and I want to make this clear between harmful expressions of aggression, which is like your hostility, your violence. Or it's [00:23:00] functional and adaptive aspects, which is what I just went over.
There is a very big difference again, and I'll make it clear. I do not trust a man who doesn't have the capacity for aggression. If you have squashed any form of aggression as a man, likely women do not feel safe around you. I know society is telling you the opposite. They're telling you to be passive.
They're telling you to be a feminist as a man, which is fricking disgusting. That makes me want to vomit. Don't be a feminist as a man, please.
Let's talk about some psychological aspects of masculinity, just very briefly. So we've got innate behavioral tendencies as well. There is a difference, a biological and psychological difference between a little girl and a little boy, little boys naturally are more competitive and involve in more risk taking behaviors.
Of course, there's always nuance to this. Again, you're highly intelligent. I believe that you can understand what I'm trying to bring across here. Young boys and young girls are different. It's innate in them. This is why men are likely to engage in more [00:24:00] risk taking behavior. It's a trait that is birthed in both biology and psychological origins.
Right? This makes them more competitive. They're able to survive in uncertain environments. They can explore more, right. They naturally have this in them.
So, yes. Before I get into some more points here. Yes. It's true. That social environments shape how masculinity is expressed. But the biological and the psychological evidence strongly suggests that masculinity is not purely a social construct. Okay. It is not purely a social construct. Do you not let them tell you that it is. The interaction between a man's biological makeup
And his environment actually influences how masculine traits are expressed. But these traits themselves are rooted in biological factors. These are inherent. So, as I said, I don't feel like I need to go through all the points as to why people are saying masculinity is toxic or there's toxic expressions of [00:25:00] masculinity. I do just want to say this. the minute that masculinity. Is being expressed in a toxic way. It is no longer masculinity. It is impossible for masculinity to be toxic any more than it is impossible for femininity to be toxic. If they are expressed in toxic ways, it is no longer masculinity or femininity.
For instance, people say that there is a version of masculinity that undervalues femininity and it endorses control or power over women. This is simply not true. That is no longer a version of masculinity that is a man who is exhibiting toxic behaviors. Based on possibly a lack of self-responsibility a lack of self control, a lack of trust and a lack of emotional regulation and healing, the unprocessed stuff from within, from his past. It's got nothing to do with [00:26:00] masculinity, just because he's a man does not mean that his masculinity is now toxic. He is expressing unhealthy behaviors. They have nothing to do with masculinity.
This is why I actually. We believe that men, like, for instance, we use Joe Rogan as an example, Joe Rogan is so well-respected and highly popular. Not just amongst men, but also amongst women is because he displays such strong masculine traits and in a world where you are screamed at, if you harness any masculinity as a man to actually see that. Is. Seen in two ways, one, it is so well received because it's like a breath of fresh air.
And for those who deem masculinity is toxic. They hate him. Like they come for him hard. I highly respect Joe Rogan. I love the fact that he is exhibiting such strong masculinity in a world that screams at every man not to harness that. For instance.
He's very fit. He's very healthy. He takes care of his [00:27:00] physique. Right. He works out. He's respected. He's revered his strong, he shows leadership qualities. He's highly intelligent and eloquent when he speaks. He has a high level of influence.
He has charisma and personality and he is displaying strong masculinity rather than it suppressing it and apologizing for simply being a man.
He does the opposite. And I honestly think this is why he is so well received.
So my point is masculinity itself cannot be toxic. Masculinity itself is not inherently toxic. At all it is the opposite. It is rather individuals themselves that may display toxic traits and toxic behaviors. Again, due to unhealed trauma, a lack of maturity, a lack of self-responsibility unprocessed and suppressed emotions.
A lack of self-trust a lack of self worth. It's not that masculinity is to blame. That is not the root cause of the problem. Any more than femininity is the problem with women who [00:28:00] display toxic traits. It's not her femininity. That is the problem. It is what is going on at the root cause it is so much deeper than that. It's my belief that the term toxic masculinity has been weaponized by the system as a way to break down traditional masculinity. But also traditional gender roles traditional families and to blur the lines in gender.
This is why we have so many fricking gender confused individuals these days. It is not by accident.
This is also why I believe feminism as a social justice movement has been rammed down our throats. Genuinely. I actually think that feminism has been rammed down our throats for years, for so long that the pendulum has swung that far, that now men are seen as the most toxic creatures on earth. That the minute a man opens his mouth, we just have to scream out.
Patriarchy, patriarchy, patriarchy.
It is seen as now, women are, we're just [00:29:00] victims to men that, you know, men are horrible and.
Dangerous to be around and we should not trust them instead we're taught that women, we have to step up and almost be like the men of the relationships. It's also taught to young girls and to women to not respect or revere being a mother or being a wife like that has been shat upon. Yes. I believe a woman should be able to do whatever she wants to do.
No, I don't believe a woman should have to have babies if she doesn't want to have babies. That's not my message at all, but instead it's gotten to the point. It's the opposite of that. It's actually shat on. Now, if you're a mother it's shut on now and disrespected, if you aspire to be a wife, it's almost seen as like, Ooh, You're upholding the patriarchy.
I was even reading a book to my young daughter in bed. The other night was about all the different career options that a young girl should aspire to. And not one of them had anything to do with motherhood or being a wife or anything like that. And I just thought that was so sad. I think it's a concerted effort That feminism is pushed on [00:30:00] society.
I also think that it is no coincidence that we now have the lowest levels of testosterone in men today than we've ever seen in history. Gone by. The lowest levels. And it's kind of ironic that now toxic masculinity is shouted from the rooftops. When a lot of men have the lowest levels of testosterone.
If I wanted to really shit on masculinity, let's just put on my tinfoil hat for a second and say that I was the part of the elite of the world, or I was part of the system at large that wanted to control the world, wanted to manipulate the world, wanted to be. You know, all powerful. Here's how I would do it.
I would have constant news stories that revolve around men and violence and how bad men are. I would constantly report on domestic violence situations. So instead of them actually being a small minority, which is still not okay by the way, but they are a small minority instead of, I would put so much fear in the community and make it be [00:31:00] seen as though they are the majority.
Right. I would make sure that all sports mentioned it. I would make sure that on all the TV channels, it's always. Mentioned. So women are constantly in fear of every single man. I would constantly promote feminism ideology, and I would ensure that the population knows that men are inherently wicked and that they need to squash their masculinity. I would blurred gender roles.
I would turn men into women and women into men. I would start killing testosterone in men by the things that they consume by what they eat, but by their passive lifestyle, I would make sure men are afraid to be men and make them so scared to speak that as soon as they open their mouth to speak or write anything online. People start ripping into them for their toxic masculinity and for upholding the patriarchy, I would make them so scared to hang out with other men to be seen in groups of men, because that's also apparently toxic. Don't you dare have a strong brotherhood that is toxic in and of itself.
I would break down the family unit and you sure girls are taught that to be a [00:32:00] stay-at-home. Mum is weak. It is so weak and that young boys are taught to apologize for being male. Does this all sound familiar? Because honestly, here we are.
I also have to point out that I find men that have suppressed their masculinity. Or the types who swing wildly from being calm, to being extremely explosive. Or the type who lack emotional intelligence, they cannot express themselves. They often have chronic impulse control issues. They've suppressed a lot of shit that is just bubbling under the surface.
And it feels like it's about to explode again. Masculinity is not the problem. In fact, I think masculinity would be the solution to their problems.
So here's my call to men, and then I'm going to go into my call to women. And I want to make it clear again, I'm not telling men how to be men, if you're watching me and you're a man, if you're listening to me in your man, I'm not telling you how to be a man. It is my personal belief. As I've said that there has been a [00:33:00] calculated sinister, concerted effort to destroy. Any trace of your masculinity to destroy any ounce of self-respect and self-trust that you have.
And so this is my way of. Helping to encourage your masculinity to see the light of day again, or to help you to give the biggest middle finger salute to the powers that be, that are deliberately trying to destroy your masculinity. And this is how I would do it. And this is how I encourage you to do it.
Is harness and protect your masculinity. Don't squash it. Don't see it as a blight on society. I promise you. It's not. Protect your masculinity at all costs work on emotional resilience. So not impulses. Don't just give into every single impulse that you have. Don't allow yourself to just be so easily triggered.
This can mean doing emotional inner work. This can mean addressing the, the root cause of why maybe you feel drawn to vape or smoke marijuana [00:34:00] constantly, or drink copious amounts of alcohol constantly be partying. You know, maybe it's a workaholism where you just have to be working 24 7, whatever your impulse control issue is. Work on it.
Start to get to the root cause issue of what it is. I also have a strong group of men and a support group around you that. Uh, strong masculine men, so good guys. The type who will pull you up on your shit. The type that'll kick you up the ass when you need it, but encourage you to be strong, fit, healthy masculine.
Don't surround yourself with the soft soy boy type of men. I'm not trying to be rude, too many, few drinks, soy milk, but I don't think that's the best thing for me also train daily, especially if it's in something like martial arts, like Brazilian jujitsu, Moya, Thai, that type of thing where it's not just physical activity, but it's also testing your emotional resilience, your mental stamina, your comradery, and your social skills.
Like it's also important. Another one is have strong boundaries with [00:35:00] everyone. You are way more respected when you can hold a boundary with somebody. I'm not talking about being aggressive. I'm talking about keeping and maintaining your composure, but not being a doormat, not allowing people to walk all over you. Even your intimate partner.
Yes. This applies to you holding strong boundaries with women.
Eat well, right. This is about a holistic way of looking at your lifestyle. Eat well. Another one is be consistent. I encourage you to follow through on your word. People trust. A man who is consistent if you have self-trust and you know that if you say you're going to do something, you are a hundred percent going to do it. People have so much trust in you.
A woman will trust a man who is consistent and who follows through on his word.
Lead your relationship controversial, but I cannot encourage this. Anymore. Lead your relationship, lead your family. You are in control. You're not controlling. There's a difference. If women are screaming [00:36:00] at me right now, I'm not suggesting your man can control you. That is not healthy. I'm saying he is leading the relationship.
If you allow your man to lead, I promise you, you will relax into your femininity. A lot of this comes from my own mistakes that I've made in relationships. Also.
Address unhealed wounds. Don't keep suppressing this ties in with impulse control issues. So issues, the more that you address the root cause, the more that you will find you don't gravitate to impulses like porn or. Strip clubs or partying endlessly or video games or whatever it is, right. Talk, don't just bottle it up and no, I don't mean just rehash the past over and over and over, but no more bottling stuff up all the time. Also don't take on labels.
This is a big one. You're not depressed. Controversial. Hear me out. You are not depressed and you don't suffer from anxiety. You may be experiencing it. That is a normal part of the human experience, [00:37:00] but picture this.
Every time you say I am depressed. You are taking it on in your identity. Every time you say I suffer from depression, I suffer from anxiety. Pitch yourself, putting another handbag over your shoulder. And it's like, you're wearing it with pride. It's on display for the world to see. Don't take on labels.
They are not, you, you can experience things, but they are not you as a man. Also, I encourage you to explore your spiritual beliefs, whatever that may mean. I'm not religious, but maybe you are whatever it means for you explore your religious beliefs. Think about what does life mean? What is the purpose of your existence?
What's out there. Just start to allow yourself to explore and to open up your heart to more than just what is in this physical realm. Another one, get outdoors. This ties in with having good mates. Hang out with them. Hang out with men. Don't just hang out with your woman 24 7 or with your mother 24 7. Goddamn get out with men, get outdoors, go camping, go fishing, go jet skiing, [00:38:00] go mountain bike riding.
Go. I don't know. Go backpacking around the world together. Just get outside and get with men. Work on your self control yourself trust and your self responsibility. There's a huge, and the last thing I'll say, and of course this list is not exhaustive, but these are points that I think are so important.
And the biggest middle finger salute to the system at large. Is yes. Have that capacity for aggression when it's needed, but show tenderness with your family and those that you love. You are so incredibly strong as a man. When you can hold the polarity of both of those, you have the capacity for violence.
When it's needed, you will stand up strong for your family. You will protect your woman. If, if push came to shove. But you also can be tender when it comes to your family. And with those that you love. Now my call to women. Again, I don't hate you women. I always get called a pick me when I do something that's in support of men and often it's not just women that say pick me, but even men [00:39:00] will say it to me.
And they often are the feminist men. That grosses me out. But anyway, my call to women. And again, this comes from my own mistakes. I'm saying this to myself, but first of all, shut up. Shot update. And thank you for listening to my podcast. No, I'm joking, but honestly, oh God damn. Sometimes we really need to shut up as women.
Now, I believe that there is a calculated, challenging, often very subtle push to undermine men's roles in society. It reduces their self-respect. It reduces their self-trust. Our role as women is incredibly powerful. This is why I say we are not less than men. We are not below men. I'm not suggesting that we are so incredibly powerful.
We have the capacity to wield a lot of power when it comes to the situation. And here is how we can actually support men to reclaim and to embrace their masculinity. Because with this power as a woman, is the. Ability to be able to [00:40:00] draw out a man's masculinity and yes, a man can do this too, by drawing out a woman's femininity by being more masculine, the same way, the more feminine that we are, we naturally can draw out a man's masculinity that is so much power. If a man feels honored. And respected by his woman.
It's just something deep within a man. And within his masculinity, if it has been lying dormant, it will start to awaken and rise within a man. The minute he feels respected and honored. I do believe the pendulum has swung way too far with the feminist movement, like way too far. And men now don't have a place in our lives as women and in society, they don't. Men are told that they are wrong for being men. Men are told that their masculinity is a shame on society.
They no longer have a place in society at large, but also in our lives as women. Because guess what? The feminist movement taught us [00:41:00] that we can do it all. The we can do it all we are independent, strong women and we don't need no, man. We can do it all. Guess what? We've now pushed me out of our lives and they have no place in our lives and we need to rectify that. Yes, we might not be feminists.
We might not be following the feminist movement, but it's kind of inherent in a woman in society today that there is this messaging. And so here's how we can no longer play into it. These may be controversial. Some of these might be, you might want to punch me in the face. But I'm going to say them because I actually think it's also on us to rectify this.
It's not just on men. One, don't be controlling, combative. Condescending or critical 24 7. Again, this comes from lived experience. I have done all of these things. I have been all of these things, so please don't take this as me hating on you, women I'm with you let's do this together. I really mean that. Support their passions and their challenges and celebrate their victories.
[00:42:00] Don't complain every time they want to be amongst men. Encourage it. And listen again. I presume that everyone listening is highly intelligent and can understand what I'm saying. I'm not talking about if your partner, your man hangs out with the most toxic type of men out there, right. Who display the most toxic traits out there who just want to hang out At strip clubs and sleep around on you and all that.
I mean, if your man's doing that, you obviously don't want to be with him, but.
Obviously I'm presuming that your man has good men around him. And if so, encouraged him to hang out with them. You don't want your man hanging out with you 24 7. Like, that's kind of gross. I'm not saying you don't enjoy his company and he doesn't enjoy your company, and you treasure it and you want to be around him.
That's beautiful. That's a beautiful. Like that's healthy. That's normal. That's good. You want to hang out with the one that you love? You want to hang out with him and he will want to hang out [00:43:00] with you. That's a beautiful relationship. But you don't want to be in each other's pockets, 24 7. You're not his mom.
Like. Encouraged him to be amongst his men support it, be a warm, loving, feminine woman. Stop criticizing. Stop nagging. Praise what you want to see more of don't point out everything he's doing wrong in your eyes. Don't point out everything that you dislike and you despise that he's doing, or that he is being instead, praise what you want to see more of, and you will naturally see more of those traits.
Appreciate masculine qualities in your man things like leadership. Courage strength if he's leading the family, even if you don't particularly like the way he went about it. Encourage it. Promote healthy lifestyle choices, so support and participate in healthy activities. No, I don't believe it is on you as a woman.
for your man's health and fitness, that is solely on him, but you can [00:44:00] support it. You can participate in it. This might be in cooking nutritious meals for him, or maybe joining a gym with him, or, you know, encourage habits that are contributing to a healthy lifestyle, which means physical and mental wellbeing. Support it. If he wants to train at the gym every day, don't complain about that.
Support it. That is incredible for his mental health, for his physical health, emotional health. Like my God, you should be honestly revering that if your man is doing that, encouraging that.
stand against negative stereotypes that undermine men's self-esteem and confidence. This is huge. This could mean standing up in your friendship circle. If all your girlfriends want to do is bash on verbally their men behind their backs, or even in front of them. I think it is so disgusting when you see couples, whether it's a male or a female. Disrespecting the other person in that couple publicly. [00:45:00] It is so disgusting.
It is the quickest way to undermine your partner and your relationship in an instant. And honestly, everyone in that room will lose respect for you for the person that is verbally disrespecting the other partner. But it's the same if it's done in an insidious way as gossip. If as a woman, you hang out with women that all they want to do is bash on verbally on their men.
You're going to have to have some very strong boundaries in that friendship circle and actually speak up and say, look. I'm not doing this. I'm not speaking bad about my husband. I'm not speaking bad about my boyfriend. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to engage. If I have a problem, I'm going to go to him. Stand up for masculinity, stand up for even online, right?
If you have a platform and there's some way that you can start to stand up for masculinity online, go for it. This is my way of doing that. Okay. I can't go. You know, save every masculine trait out there in men. I can't do that, but my way of contributing is by doing this podcast [00:46:00] episode. And we can make a difference.
Another way is teaching young boys. This could be our sons. This could be our nephews, our grandsons. If you're a grandmother, whatever it might be teaching them. Maybe it's a younger brothers that they are not inherently evil for being born as a male, because I'm telling you society is teaching them that. Encourage strong male bonds I alluded to this.
When I said about encourage them to hang out with their friends and male friends, but even mentors encouraged them to have male mentors who uplift them, who kick them up the ass when they need it. But encouraged that the importance of hanging out with men is crucial for a man's mental health. Trust me, he will be happier around you as a woman.
If he's had quality time with men. I'd guarantee you Also encourage their leadership show trust in their decision, making abilities. Don't second guess them all the time. Right? Don't continually critique their decisions. Even [00:47:00] down to driving and parking.
You might think this is. Such a small thing, but I'm telling you, and again, this is from my own mistakes. I'm bashing myself on this one. With love to never do this again. It may seem small, but it can play out in really big ways. If you are undermining your man and the way that he drives and the way where he decided to park.
Oh, you could've picked a better spot. Oh, this car spot over there. Oh, this lane over here on the freeways quicker, just. Zip it let him lead. Let him make the decisions. Let him do it. Even if you could have got there quicker, even if there's a better car spot it's okay. Don't critique his decisions.
24 7. Sometimes we just have to shut up.
Stop. As I said before, always looking for what is going wrong and start looking for what he's doing. Right. Don't nitpick constantly. It is actually giving us a false sense of safety. When we're doing that, it comes from wanting to control the situation because there's something in us that we, uh, feeling like we don't have [00:48:00] control. And it giving us a false sense of security.
It actually has nothing to do with him. It actually, none of our nitpicking is actually about him, even if he is displaying traits. We're doing things that we don't necessarily like, I'm not saying don't voice them by the way. Yes. Voice our needs, voice our desires, voice. You know, our boundaries, all of those things as a woman, please, please don't get that twisted.
What I'm saying is, so if we're constantly nitpicking at our men and saying what he's doing wrong and saying, you could be doing this better, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It comes from our own stuff. It actually is not about him. It's about us and our own internal wars.
Also encourage self-reliance yes, he needs his men.
Yes. He needs his brotherhood, his mentors, all those things. But a man needs to have that strong. Self-reliance not as a lone Wolf where he's on his own, where he has no one, but instead where he knows no matter what I can get through anything and I can rely on myself and I can manage anything that comes my way.
Also be [00:49:00] supportive if your man needs professional help.
And I mean that as in to address unhealed wounds, or maybe it's to go to therapy or to counseling or to deal with past traumas or some sort of mental health issues. Encourage them without the shame and without the stigma, of course, still hold boundaries. Again, I am presuming that there is no abuse in any relationship to anyone that I'm speaking to.
Okay. I'm not addressing that today. I'm talking about normal, healthy relationships.
The biggest thing I can say as a woman, the biggest thing that I've learned through my own pain, through my own lessons, through my own mistakes is be their peace. If you want to encourage the masculinity in your man, be his peace, have your home be his home of peace, where he just longs to come home to at the end of the day, where he looks forward to coming home to you at the end of the day.
Be their place of rest, be their place of peace.
And I'm telling you, you will see the most beautiful masculine traits rise in your man.
Now, obviously. I didn't go into what [00:50:00] everyone calls toxic masculinity, I felt no need to address that. I think there's enough about that online. You can do your own research on that. But it is my belief that masculinity is biologically driven. It is an inherent thing in a man. It is not dictated to just by society. It is not a social construct.
Just the same way to me. Gender is not a social construct. I think that this is. A deliberate and concerted act by those that want to wield power over the masses. And the easiest way to do that is to break down masculinity. So this was my message to men and to women and the ways that we can contribute to helping masculinity rise again. To make masculinity
great. Again, to not try to sound like Donald Trump, but to make masculinity great again. Because the more that we actually encourage masculinity to come out in men and men listening, the more that you allow your masculinity to rise in, you. The more that it has a ripple [00:51:00] effect across all of society. It does not just affect you and your intimate relationships or you and your family.
It affects all of society. You imagine if all of a sudden, every single man started to see their masculinity as beautiful and as powerful and as a positive force on the world. My God would we be living in a different world? So that's my message. I'm not going to go on any longer. Thank you so much for listening.
If this has been a light bulb moment for you, if you've gotten anything out of this, please let me know. And I would love it. If you would leave a review on apple or on Spotify or whatever platform you're listening on, they honestly mean more than, you know, and they also help with social proof. As you know, people love to look at reviews to see how popular or how well rated a podcast is. So I would so love and appreciate your reviews.
I actually forget to ask. So that is my message to you today. If you've gotten anything out of this episode or this podcast, and please rate and review, that would mean the world. But yeah. Let me know if you've got any questions on this [00:52:00] topic. I'm more than happy to do a masculinity, 2.0 episode and answer any questions you have. Or any feedback?
Just anything, just let me know. Thank you so much for being here. I love you as always. I love your guts, as I always say, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your week. Love you. Bye
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